"Damn it!!! You didn't teach me everything that I needed to
know!
Busu!" Yahiko yelled at the dojo walls.
It was the first time in weeks that he had gone in to practice. He had
not wanted to since she was gone. Since she....
Swinging his bokken about, as if fighting invisible enemies, he numerated
the reasons he was angry at Kaoru for dying. The reasons he was angry at
her for leaving them alone. After weeks of mourning, his grief had given
way to the rage he felt at her for leaving him flared. Why do the most
important people in my life keep leaving me? Kaoru, damn you! Why did you
leave me?
But he knew that it wasn't any of her fault. Kaoru definitely did not
want to die. Especially not like that. Especially not in front of us,
in front of Kenshin....
"Chikkusho!"
"Yahiko-kun...."
"Tsu-Tsubame."
She entered the practice area silently, closing the doors behind her.
She had been staying with them, helping with the daily chores around the
dojo. Tsubame had been trying to cope with what happened herself. This
was the first time that she had heard Yahiko strike out about what happened.
He was shaking with anger. With Kaoru-san?
No. He was angry because he was being abandoned. Tsubame knew how that
felt. Yahiko....
Kaoru had been terrific. She was strong and kind. Tsubame wanted to
be like her, be courageous, strong and sweet. Kaoru hadn't cared about
what the world thought of a young woman living on her own. She hadn't been
afraid to live the way she wanted. She hadn't been afraid of living.
Yahiko....Kenshin. They all were in a sort of limbo now. Kaoru wouldn't
have wanted that. Tsubame was determined to try to help, to try to work
through all the grief. This group of very different people had made a family
together, finding each other to fight off solitude. She didn't want any
of them to lose that. There had be to a way.
"Yahiko-kun. I was wondering...."
"Huh? What is it?"
"Could you teach me the Kamiya Kasshin-Ryu? I want.." She took a breath
for courage. "I want to be stronger. I want to be...."
I want to be like Kaoru. I want to be stronger, braver. For Kaoru.
No, not for Kaoru, for myself .
"Teach me...."
____________________________________________________________
1999
Kakushin was late to class. It was his first day and he was going to
be late! These damn dreams! He hadn't been getting enough sleep
because of them. To top it all off, it was his first day at a new school.
So
much for making a good impression.
He had had similar dreams for a long time, but lately, they had been
coming in greater and greater frequency. The name "Kaoru" remained in his
mind every time he woke up. The dreams were strange. Vague about some aspects,
yet detailed in others. It frustrated him that he didn't remember much.
Every morning, he woke with the strangest feeling.
He pushed his bangs away from his face as he dashed to his class. No
one was in the hallway anymore. That was not a good sign. Damn! He
finally stopped in front of the door. The teacher opened the door.
"Gomenasai, Sensei! I. . . ."
"Nandemonai. Class just started. Please go to the front and introduce
yourself." He turned to his class. "Minna, we have a new student."
"Hajimemashite. Boku wa Myoujin Kakushin desu! .
Yoroshiku.
"
____________________________________________________________
Megumi stood in the doorway leading to the courtyard of the Kamiya Dojo.
She sighed to herself as she watched Kenshin and Sanosuke. They sat together
in silence. Both of them contemplating...something in the silence. In a
strange way, the dojo had had a cocooning effect on their lives. That safe
world had been shattered that afternoon.
Kaoru.
Megumi ached when she thought of her. She had been too young to die.
Though they were, by an outsider's point of view, rivals for Kenshin's
attention, she cared for the girl a lot. Kaoru had been alone in the world,
but she survived, thrived. Megumi acknowledged to herself that they were
very much alike. She had been like a little sister. Megumi knew that Kaoru
wouldn't want this silence to go on, this grieving. This atmosphere of
quiet grief was definetly not her style. Kaoru had been so full of life.
Megumi sighed to herself.
Kenshin would never be hers. She accepted that long ago. That had been
decided that day he left for Kyoto. He loved Kaoru. She was the only one
that he said good-bye to that night he left for Kyoto. Kaoru was the most
important to him out of all of them. Megumi had begun to get over that
fact.
Now....Now, she would never make an attempt at him at all. Kaoru would
be the ghost in the middle of that kind of relationship. Megumi didn't
want to deal with that. And Kenshin. Kenshin probably didn't think of her
like that, anyway. Besides, she thought, there was someone else she....
"Ken-san, Sanosuke...," she whispered, looking away from the pair.
"Whacha doing, lurking in the doorway like that?"
"Eh?" She jumped back at the rough voice. "Sanosuke!"
"Yeah?"
"Tako! " She pushed at him, but he didn't move or even grunt,
so it was not very satisfying. "DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME!!!!"
"You were just standing there. I didn't sneak up on you. You just didn't
notice me." He shrugged, giving her his "its not my fault" face. "I can't
help it if you don't pay attention...." he muttered.
Megumi looked back to where Kenshin and Sanosuke were sitting before.
Kenshin was gone. Sano followed her gaze.
"He went to check on Yahiko. Something about him being too quiet for
being at practice. Yahiko was making some noise before, but it got all
quiet all of a sudden...."
"Sanosuke. Is he okay?" she asked, entering the courtyard. Sanosuke
walked beside her.
"Maybe. Probably not. He'll get better. Are you?"
"Better. I'm better. But it's going to take a long time." Megumi pushed
back her hair.
She still felt guilty, even though she couldn't have saved Kaoru. If
she had gotten there before....She was a doctor, but there was nothing
she could have done to stop Kaoru from dying. Those wounds.... The pain
she must have felt. And I couldn't stop it. It was over before I could
even attempt to help.
All four of them were there that day. Watching Kenshin and Kaoru say
good-bye was permanently imprinted on her. Their bittersweet love. After
she passed on, the look in Kenshin's eyes was one of pure torment and grief.
All of them had lost something when Kaoru died. She took a piece of them
to the next world. Why did it have to happen?
Sanosuke looked at her, his head cocked to the side, as if asking if
she was telling the truth about her feelings. He probably caught the glimmer
in her eyes at that moment. Suddenly he was next to her, hugging her hard.
The feel of Sanosuke's arms about her comforted her like nothing else.
"What are we going to do?" She asked against his chest. That was the
question that Megumi had been wondering about for the last few weeks.
"Go on. Kaoru wanted us to take care of each other," he whispered, his
dark voice serious.
It was amazing, but for the past few weeks, Sanosuke had become a rock,
comforting and pushing for everyone to express themselves, teasing them
to laugh when they needed it, to cry.... But then he had been witness to
the death of his Sagara-taichou. Like many a child growing up in war, Sanosuke
knew the pain of losing someone he loved. He took that experience and made
himself stronger for it. He knew what was going on in their hearts, the
pain and the grief. He knew what to do to ease it.
"Kenshin isn't talking. He has to let it out soon. At least Yahiko has
been acting out. I-I hear him crying sometimes." It had pained her heart
to hear his wretching sobs in the darkness of the night. "He's a strong
boy. But Kenshin..."
"Yeah. Kenshin has a haunted look in his eyes everyday. Jou-chan wouldn't
have wanted that for him."
"We are going to get through this, aren't we?"
"Yeah. Like Jou-chan said. We take care of each other. We have to be
strong." He hugged her hard again. Megumi let him hold her for a long time.
