From: "B.Na" Dear KFFMLers This is the revision of "Resignation" Again, as always, C & C will be greatly welcomed and appreciated. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this story of mine. ---------------------------------------- RESIGNATION by B.S.N. ---------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: The characters of "Rurouni Kenshin" are the property of Mr. Nobuhiro Watsuki, Sony, Shueisha/Jump and all other associated parties. This fanfiction does not attempt to reap profit or benefit of any kind; it was created for entertainment purposes only. ---------------------------------------- TEXT CONVENTIONS: _ _ denotes emphasis ---------------------------------------- A lone firefly hovers above the platform on which I stand. I watch as the insect spirals slowly down to the earth. The tiny green light flickers weakly, sporadically. It is dying, I know. And though it is such a small thing, I feel strangely mournful. The glow fades away and I am left in the darkness alone again with my thoughts as I wait for the train bound for Kyoto. ---------------------------------------- There had been fireflies that evening as well. Although it was not yet summer, the small, glowing lights had floated aimlessly among the lush grasses of the riverbank. As I hastened along the edge of the river, their radiance had irresistibly drawn my eyes from the path and transfixed them to the shore. Yet somehow, as I looked upon those tiny orbs, I had felt a strange, unaccountable pang of sorrow and regret. Perhaps the unfamiliar ache arose from the poignant, ethereal beauty of the evening. Or perhaps it grew from the bitter disappointment I felt that night. . .or perhaps it originated in the heavy sense of foreboding that troubled me throughout the day. But I had refused to consider these matters at the time; there was work to be done and I had not the leisure to ponder them seriously. Instead, I hurried onwards and essayed to direct my eyes to the dim road before me. As I walked around the bend of the path, the fireflies vanished from my sight. I recall how my companion and I had walked down the road in silence, both of us deep in thought. Though we spoke not, I knew where his thoughts lay; my own thoughts were also fixed upon that place and its inhabitants as well. I was also certain that the heart that beat so steadily beneath his coarse, white yukata was not as burdened and as pained as my own. Oh, how I wanted to see his familiar face for one last time! To feel his slight, calloused hands pressed against my own! To bid him farewell! But there was a duty to be performed and the child that held my hand and the tall man that walked quietly beside me kept me to my course. And though my entire being strained to return to him, I walked on, increasing the distance between him and myself. He left that evening. Without one word, without one look, he had disappeared into the darkness, alone. But no, this was not quite true, I knew. He had spoken, but his words had been directed to another, not at me. He had looked, but his eyes had seen another, not me. When I returned, I saw her in the road, prostrate with anguish and distress. Many hours had passed since his departure, but she had not arisen from the spot where they had parted. She had continued to whisper his name, though the night had been chill and the dew had fallen. It was then that the foreboding within me shaped itself into a definite, distinct feeling--a heavy compound of sorrow, loss and regret. It was a cold, leaden weight that sank the secret hopes that I had cherished so long within me. As I gazed upon her, I felt its frost slowly steal across my heart, my spirit, and finally, my body, hardening the lines of my face and freezing the tears that had threatened to overflow. Later that night, I wept in my room, alone. ---------------------------------------- It was then when I finally confronted the truth: It was she and not me that he loved. And though my mind accepted that reality, my heart was rebellious and incredulous still. It continued to re-create the same wishes, the same dreams that had been overturned that late spring evening. As soon as I had thought that I had rid my heart of these hopes and convinced myself of their foolishness and impossibility, these same hopes would rise again, as buoyant and as sanguine as ever. I remember the time, shortly after that night, when I had gone again to the dojo. As I stared at the door, a wave of despondency and loneliness washed over me. Everyone had left to follow him and I was the only one who had stayed behind. What was I doing here again? Why did I bother coming? Why did I return to the place of my disappointment and heartache? As I stood pondering these questions, the bitterness and despair within me increased. Yet when I found the door unlocked, a sudden gush of joy and expectation had bubbled within me. Perhaps he has returned! Perhaps he has decided not to go to Kyoto and has come home! And as I ran through the portal, I was filled with an exquisite happiness, an overpowering delight. But instead of finding him in the courtyard, I had discovered his mortal enemy within. Foolish, vain thought! To think that he would be waiting for me! He was gone, perhaps never to return again. And he did not love me. ---------------------------------------- Now I am waiting here at the station. I am traveling to Kyoto, for I am needed there. But I go to him, only to lend him my aid. That is all. Yes, I will see him again. I am eager, I am impatient, I am joyous. . .but I am also fearful. It will hurt me to see him again. I know that when we meet, I will feel the same sorrow and loneliness and emptiness that overwhelmed my heart that one spring evening. . .as it hurts me now to recall the past scenes in which I finally saw the truth. I will see him again. . .but I will also see _her_ by his side. The image is painful and although it is only a vision, I know it to be true. But it is a truth that still grieves me. Yet I go, for I have a duty to perform, a call for help that cannot be ignored. It is the nature of my office. >From the corner of my eye, I see another faint gleam. Another firefly floats down to the ground below me. Another glow, another glimmer, another brief light--and then it fades. And I am alone again with my thoughts once more, waiting for a train bound to Kyoto. ---------------------------------------- AUTHOR'S NOTES: I want to thank those who responded so encouragingly to my story. I really appreciate your comments! Thank you so very much! (An especial thank you to Sakka-chan! I am honored to receive such comments from a writer that I admire so much!) I also want to dedicate this revision to my fellow fanfic writer and mentor, Allyn Yonge. Without his support and advice, my drive to write would have been extinguished. I also want to thank Brian Payne, another very helpful and encouraging friend and fanfic author. His praise and his work mean a lot to me--they are another another source for inspiration and heartfelt thanks. This work was inspired by Madamhydra's "Impressions" (a wonderful RK fic) and Sakka-chan's "These Changing Times"(another great work). __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- Get great offers on top-notch products that match your interests! Sign up for eLerts at: Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------