From: "Connie" This is the story you get when I am tired and not feeling well and listening to Natalie Merchant. I hope it makes sense! Oh yah the part about Amida Buddha is something that I got from my arthistory class. He is the Buddha of the West and was a popular Buddhist figure in Japan. So I just stuck it in, I might take it out though! Let me know what you think! Disclaimer: All Rurouni Kenshin characters belong to their owners. The song "Beloved Wife" belongs to Natalie Merchant and comes from her cd called "Tigerlily" Beloved Wife By Connie (conmoon@cruzio.com) "I'm sorry." She whispers. I shake my head, "Don't say that, you will get better!" I say as tears fall down my face. She looks up at me and I know that she can see the fear in my eyes. I don't want to be alone after all these years. She smiles up at me and I know she will try to reassure me. "Of course I will anata. I promised I would not leave you. I'll be fine." I nod my head reading the lie behind her words. She won't get better, I know it and she does too. Even now in pain she tries to protect me. And I suddenly realize the reason that she has been holding on to life for so long. She doesn't want to hurt me and leave me alone. I am once again amazed by the strength that my wife possesses. She would do anything to make me happy, even fight death, but this was a battle that she would lose. Her breathing becomes raspier, she reaches up a hand and touches my face. "Gomen, I really want to stay with you butŠ" she closes her eyes. When she opens them again they are clear and as blue as the sky on a bright day. I am losing her, and there is nothing I can do. She smiles again and it lights up her face. "Tell everyone I love them." I try to stop her words, I don't want to hear them. But she puts a finger on my lips. "Daijoubu," she says, "Daijoubu there is nothing to be afraid of, I will always be here with you. Aishiteru anata." I reach down and kiss her. "Aishiteru" I whisper. She pulls me closer and kisses me again. As our lips touch I feel her grow still and I know that she is gone, and that I am alone. You were the love for certain of my life you were simply my beloved wife I stare down at her. I touch her hair and slowly close her eyes. The love of my life. The most beautiful and precious thing in the world to me. My wife who is no more. I don't know for certain how I'll live my life now alone without my beloved wife my beloved wife I look at her and I feel irrational anger grow in me. "How am I supposed to go on with out you? You said you would never leave me, and now you have left me alone. What am I supposed to do now?" I ask her still body. It's not her fault though, she would have stayed with me if she could. I can't believe I've lost the very best of me I am still in shock, I don't want to believe that she is dead. But I have seen death many times in my life, have caused death to many people and I know that she is gone. I will never be able to get her back. No matter how hard I try, or where I go, she is beyond me now. My beautiful wife, the better part of me. She is no longer here to light up my life. I hear a sound behind me but I don't turn around. I know who it is. "She's gone. Kaoru is dead." I whisper. I hear a gasp and I know she has left to tell the others. Soon I will not be alone with her anymore. I kiss her one last time as the others enter the room. you were the love for certain of my life for 50 years simply my beloved wife with another love I'll never lye again Her body is laid out in preparation for the funeral. It has only been a couple of hours and I still can't accept the fact that she is gone. For 51 years she has been with me, helping me to deal with my past, helping me to see the light that life has to offer. Now with her gone, all the light has faded from the world and I am left alone in the darkness. it's you I can't deny it's you I can't defy a depth so deep into my grief without my beloved soul I renounce my life as my right now alone without my beloved wife my beloved wife There is nothing left for me to live for. After I lost Tomoe there was still a war to fight, an era to create. I was able to push my grief aside for that. But all of that is long behind me now. But Kaoru, she was and is the other part of me. Life is not worth living with her gone. I have accomplished more than I have ever thought was possible in my life. Our children are grown and there is nothing left for me to do here. The loneliness is closing in upon me. my love is gone she suffered long in hours of pain my love is gone now my suffering begins my love is gone would it be wrong if I should surrender all the joy in my life go with her tonight? The hours of suffering that Kaoru had felt were over; she was beyond that now. She is probably with Amida Buddha now living in the paradise of the pure land where she will feel no pain or hurt. I wish I were there, for there is no joy for me now that she is gone. I pull out my sakabatou and look at it. It would be easy to join her. Before a decision can be reached I hear the door slide open. I turn to see who has interrupted me and see my oldest daughter standing there. "Tou-san." She says as she comes in and sits beside me. "I am sure Kaa-san misses you too." I stare into her blue eyes, the same eyes her mother had, in shock. "All of us know what you are thinking. You and Kaa-san were so close, we know you want to be with her." She leans up and kisses my scared cheek, "Go to her, we will be all right here. There is nothing to worry about." She stands up, "I will leave you alone now. Know that we all love you, we will miss you but we know that you and Kaa-san will always be with us." With that she turns and leaves me alone. But I won't be alone for long. my love is gone she suffered long in hours of pain my love is gone would it be wrong if I should just turn my face away from the light go with her tonight? I put the sword in front of my stomach. I turn to look at Kaoru and I see her standing before me looking the way she did when I met her. I smile and I don't feel the pain as the blade enters my stomach. Kaoru comes towards me and holds me as the life leaves my body. "You will never be alone again Kenshin." I hear her whisper as the darkness takes hold of me. Owarii --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- How many communities do you think join ONElist each week? http://www.onelist.com More than 5,000! Create yours now! ------------------------------------------------------------------------