From: "Doctor Megumi" I DID IT! I finally did it! I finally wrote my own RK fic! Be happy for me, please? It's my first, so please be gentle when Gatotsu-ing it. Ta-ta for now! Doc Megumi =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= DILEMMA by Doctor Megumi Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shueisha, SPE, etc. This fan fic is written for non-profit entertainment purposes only. Don't sue; if you do, you will only get a pair of worn-out tabi. So there. He smiles the smile I see him smile each time we see each other. As he tugs at one of his hair spikes in lieu of tipping a hat, I smile back. "What is it this time? Broken hand, broken ribs? Don't tell me you want to borrow some money!" I throw my hands in the air. "I've got some eggs my last patient gave me..." As I let my arms fall, he grasps both of my hands. His smile fades, and his face takes on a serious cast. "Megumi..." Puzzled, I don't resist when he draws me into his arms, gently yet firmly pulling on my hands. I see the look in his eyes, affection mixed with abundant fear--a fear that I'll snatch my hands away, turn around, and stomp off on the tatami, sliding the panel shut behind me... and between us. The warmth of his embrace surprises me. I never knew it would feel this way in his arms. He buries his face in my hair as I lean into him. Kami-sama, he smells good... But what am I doing in his arms? I should pull away, push him out of the clinic and onto the streets. But I don't. I play absentmindedly with the bandages around his midsection, those bandages I placed there only a few days ago when he'd gotten into a fight and broken three ribs. I draw imaginary lines around the sore areas, teasingly tapping the bruised skin under the bandages, one, two, three... pointing at the broken ribs dangerously close to his heart. "One, two, three," he counts with me, "the same rhythm, the same way my heart beats. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead a long time ago. So my heart beats for you. Only for you." I gasp and try to pull away, but he traps me in his embrace. "Damn it, Kitsune," he says. "You let me get so close, then push me away time and time again." I stop struggling. Do I dare let myself get lost in this... feeling? My whole life I've pushed people back, away from me. I couldn't afford to let them near, to let them be part of me; it would be too painful should they be torn away, should I lose them. Can I afford to let him...? "Are you afraid, Megumi?" he asks, his voice quavering. "Are you afraid of being loved? Because that's the only thing I ask of you--to let me love you..." He draws back a little to look into my eyes; he keeps his arms possessively around me. I stare deep into those chocolate pools, nearly drowning in their surprising depth. I feel I can see straight into his soul. He's shed his armor; is he asking me to do likewise? "I... I..." I close my eyes and rest my forehead on his bare chest, raising my arms to drape around his waist. So near, he's so near... yet I keep myself distant. I'm afraid to let go, to drop the defenses I've built so carefully all my life to keep me from getting too attached. What if he leaves? What if he changes his mind? Oh, Kami-sama... what if he dies? Twin tears drip down from each of my eyes as I look up at him. "I am... afraid... to love..." I bite my lips as the words fall from them. Love? "How can you love so fearlessly, Sanosuke? Love..." I look away, "...equals loss!" "That's not true!" The vehemence of his words stuns me into silence. "Love does not equal loss," he continues, the same intensity in his words, now spoken quietly. "You don't lose something when you love. You GIVE something away--" "That's not what I mean!" I blurt out. "I don't want to love and then just have that someone I love taken away from me!" My held-back tears start flowing as I raise my voice. "Love equals loss to me because I've always lost whatever I loved--" "MEGUMI!" He takes me by the shoulders and shakes me into silence. "I love fearlessly because I don't care about loss. The point is TO HAVE LOVED. Life is too short not to love." I sob into his shoulder as my confusion mounts. "But... I can't..." He only holds me tighter as I collapse emotionally. As I feel my legs buckle under me, he kneels and gently cradles my head in his lap. He takes my hands with one of his, using the other to wipe away each tear as it appears under my eyes. So I close my eyes, and sleep overwhelms me, as I believe Love will. ~The End~ --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- Register now and you could win a Volkswagen New Beetle at LiQ.com! Click below, 'cause it's going fast! While you're at it, check out our great entertainment products at fantastic prices! Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------