Subject: [kffdisc] Some old Spamfics Date: Mon, 03 May 1999 05:50:54 PDT From: "Dot Warner" Reply-To: kffdisc@onelist.com To: kffdisc@onelist.com From: "Dot Warner" I'm back! (You probably weren't even aware that I was gone. ^^;) Unfortunately, during my break I didn't really write any Kenshin stuff (I tried to do a Tomoe 'fic, but it didn't work out.) So, to make up for my lack of participation, here are some old spamfics that I wrote (including "Mrs. Saitou"). So, without further ado and in no particular order... *** Six Degrees of Kenshin (Rejected Filler Episode Idea #119) a spamfic by Dot --- (KAMIYA DOJO, ext.) KENSHIN (laundring happily): Mashiro, mashiro de gozaru! (holds up a SPARKLING WHITE PIECE OF CLOTH) All nice and clean de gozaru! (A SHINAI flies into KENSHIN'S head) KAORU (weilding another SHINAI angrily): You idiot! That used to be _blue_! KENSHIN (eyes in spirals): Ororororoooo... (GATE leading to KAMIYA DOJO explodes into a shower of splinters) KENSHIN (eyes narrowing): Who's there? (as the dust settles, NINE FIGURES can be seen) HEAD FIGURE: Battousai! For killing my father's best friend's cousin's neice's brother-in-law's next-door-neighbor, you shall die! KENSHIN (blinks): And who would that be? HEAD FIGURE (furious): WHAT?!? You dare tell me that you don't know the great-- (calmly) I have no idea. (collective FACEFAULT) --- This spamfic came from the observation that, especially in the anime, everybody and his brother (or sister :) seems to have some grudge against Kenshin. The title is mangled from a book called "Six Degrees of Separation", about how everyone in the world is connected by no more than six acquaintences. (A very true statement, especially nowadays with the Internet.) Gah. I should _really_ get back to writing some _real_ fanfics...^^; *** (Excerpted from "If anime characters posted in the Classifieds...") WANTED Last katana of legendary swordmaker. Will pay any price. May resort to kidnapping if offers are refused. Call CHO-BROOMHD. *** (Excerpted from Reeses Peanut Butter Cup adfic) How Saitou eats a Reeses: *takes a long drag from his cigarrette* "Naruhodo." ("I see.") *pulls out weapon* "Gatotsu!" *spears the PBC with his sword* How Shi-Shi-O eats a Reeses: *gulp* "The weak is food for the strong." How Aoshi eats a Reeses: *munch* "This is good. (melodramatic music begins) I only wish I could share it with them...(melodramatic music swells) ... Beshimi ... Hyotoko ... Shikijo ... Hannya ...." *** The End of Kenshin a spamfic by Dot --- Spoiler space...sorta... The following is just what I came up with after a very scary thought: what if Anno directed RK? (Skip the long introspective dialogue.) Saitoh: Idiot. You are just immersing in self-pity. Sano: Stand up, Kenshin! Aoshi: I'm still waiting for that cup of tea, Battousai. Tsubame: Please! We need you! Yahiko: I want to be strong, just like you! Hiko: Stupid disciple. Have you forgotten everything I taught you? Kenshin: ... (image of Tomoe smiling) Kenshin: Tomoe... (image of Kaoru smiling) Kenshin: Kaoru-dono... Kaoru: Let's go back to Tokyo together. Kenshin: ...yes...maybe...maybe I can forgive myself... (chains surrounding the sakaba begin to crack) Kaoru: Let's go back to Tokyo together. Kenshin: Maybe I can go on with life... (some of the chains snap off) Kaoru: ...together... Kenshin: Maybe I can be strong... (more chains break) Kaoru: ...togehter... Kenshin: Yes! I want to live! I want to be me! I want to remain in this world! (All of the chains fly off in slow motion as Kenshin leaps to his feet. He is surrounded by the various RK characters, even the bad guys) Everybody: Congratulations, Kenshin! (Gah. I shouldn't have watched episodes 25 and 26 of Evangelion. At least I didn't try to write an alternate universe where Kenshin never became the Battousai. :) *** The Wrath of Heaven a Spamfic by Dot --- By the whims of the dictatorial-- (A large, heavy anvil falls on narrator, crushing him. Excuse me while I find a temp.) --almighty Authoress (praised be her name and please don't hurt me), we bring to you the fateful battle between one Tatawake Kuno and Himura Kenshin. Kuno: Foul sorcerer and enslaver of the beautiful firey Kaoru, and the fox-spirited Megumi! DIE! Kenshin: Oro? Kuno: Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! (Kuno finds that his bokken has been sharpened down to a toothpick.) Kenshin (feigned innocence): Oops. Did I use the wrong end of my sakaba again? Kuno (furious): I FIGHT ON! (Kuno proceeds to defeat Kenshin with the toothpick...use your imagination here, folks.) Kuno (proudly): Once again, justice triumphs! (turns to Kaoru) Dearest, sweetest Kaoru... (turns to Megumi) sly, crafty Megumi...I cannot decide...(pulls out microphone) I SHALL HAVE THEE BOTH! (Kaoru and Megumi launch Kuno into Lower Earth Orbit) (the Space Station) Random Astronaut (looking out the window): Houston? We have a problem... --- I just couldn't help myself... You know what? This is fun! Maybe I should change to being a full-time Spamfic writer. :) *** (repost) Mrs. Saitou a spamfic by Dot --- The cigarette is given one last drag and snuffed out in the courtyard. "I'm home." As usual, a serene figure waits in the tea room. "Welcome home, dear." Eyes flash mischevously. "How was your day?" The gloves are removed and deposited on a small tray close to the door. "Terrible. My men haven't heard a thing about Enishi or his organization." A soft smile. "That's too bad. And what about that young lady, Kamiya Kaoru?" A cup of tea changes hands. "Shinomori's heading over to the dojo to convince them to dig up her grave. He said something about a hunch he wanted to verify." A suspicious look. "You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?" Feigned innocence. "Who, me? No, Shinomori-san figured that out for himself." A hand goes to the mouth. "Oops." A triumphant grin. "Gotcha." The expression changes to one of worry. "Is it really all right to use your powers like that?" Hands touch reasurringly. "I've accumulated quite a few perks with my job." The mischevous eyes return. "Besides, you certainly didn't seem to mind when I 'advised' you to pack some fire-resistant clothing when you left for Kyoto." "I know when to follow good advice." The grin widens wolfishly. "Especially advice from the Guardian of Time." A blush. "Now you're just teasing me." Bodies pull closer. "I'm deadly serious, honorable Goddess Pluto." --- Just trying out an experimental narrative style and doing a bit of speculation on who Saitou's mysterious wife could be. To paraphrase something Kenshin said upon finding out that Saitou was married, "Any woman who's his wife must be a Goddess." (All right, so Setsuna isn't exactly a Goddess, but close enough...besides, Saitou's WAY cooler than Endymion. ;p) This may or may not be continued depending on how blocked I am with the other stories that I'm working on. *** More to come, maybe...and someday, hopefully, I'll write some actual fanfics. ^^; -"Dot" Dot-Chan on #fanfic at bachman.newberry.edu (FFIRC Chatroom) CAPOW member since April 1998 http://www.fortunecity.com/westwood/italian/70 http://members.xoom.com/dotchan (mirror) --"...and I'm the _cute_ one!" *^.^* --Anvil. Perverts. Painfully. ^_^x _______________________________________________________________ Get Free Email and Do More On The Web. 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