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Golden Eyes and Dirty Blond Hair
A Rurouni Kenshin fanfic
By Dr. Panda (drpanda@crosswinds.net)
**I thought of the idea for this fanfic while I was working on Part Two of "Last Shreds", and it was so stupid and outrageous that I just had to write it before I forgot it. ^_^
Dr. Panda
All characters from Rurouni Kenshin are copyrighted property of Nobuhiro Watsuki
This fan-fic is solely for non-profit uses, and in this case, cheap humor
CRASH
Glass shattered and flew across the room as the heavyset man was slammed through the club doors onto the street. His assailant, a spikey-haired, young delinquent dressed in his gang colors with a red headband and a loose white jacket with the shibboleth BAD stitched across the back, strode through the shattered doors of the Little Tokyo Akabeko "Drinks&Dolls" Club after him.
The heavyset man, a well dressed, 6' 4" Asian bouncer, struggled to his feet, rubbing his aching head and snarling. Face impassive, he pulled a billy club out of his suit jacket and lunged at young hood...only to be brought up short by a powerful kick to the mid-section, doubling him over. The kick was followed by an uppercut, thrusting his head back as he flew backwards again, pain lights flashing in his head.
The hood turned around, and with a glance at the stunned patrons, stalked to the bar and slouched into one of the seats, assuming an air of deceptive fragility, as he glared at the host of the Akabeko. With his left hand, he grabbed a glass of unidentified liquid, while with his right, he gestured for the few customers to leave.
"Okay, Tae-san," he slurred complacently, "now that we've gotten all that out of the way, I wanna know your answer."
Tae Sekihara quailed before his violent, drunken gaze but didn't back down...not entirely.
"Look, Sagara-san, we...we don't r-really need any protection." Tae swallowed. Mobsters frightened her, especially ones like Sanosuke Sagara, who always seemed on the brink of a murderous rage and were drunk all the other times.
"What?! Are you tellin' me that you don't want the protection of the Sekihotai? THE Sekihotai?! The defenders of the people?!" He smirked.
"Well..." Seeing the flare of anger in his eyes, Tae's reply died in her throat and could only manage a pathetic nod.
"Look, Tae-san," he sneered, "You may not want us here, but we're the only thing protecting you from...accidents." He drew the word out over his tongue, until it turned into malicious hiss. "Do you really want to annoy Old Man Souzo? People who do tend to have...problems." He sipped his drink, then spat in disgust.
"What the hell is this?!"
"It's ...i-it's..." Tae felt a sense of uneasy foreboding. She didn't want to answer, because it would only provoke him. But his eyes demanded an answer.
"...cleaning fluid..." she whispered. Then to her horror, as his eyes popped, she started to laugh.
"What the hell is so funny?!" snarled Sagara.
It did no good. Tae felt her insides start to explode as her lungs were wracked by harder and harder laughter.
"Stop that laughing!"
She couldn't stop. And as a feeling of outright helplessness began to overwhelm her, her laughter took on a hysterical quality.
"Are you enjoying something, bitch?!" With an animal scream of rage, Sagara threw himself at Tae, bringing her to the floor. "I'll give you something to enjoy!" As he dragged her behind the bar, his hands tore at her dress, her blouse, grabbing, squeezing. Tae tried to fight, but he was far too strong, and shoved her backwards so she lay underneath him. Tae's laughter turned to shrieks, first of helpless rage, then pain...
An empty glass burst into Sagara's face. With a yelp of pain, he let go of Tae, who lay on the floor, sobbing, and jumped to his feet.
The man stood in the door, dressed in a suave black tuxedo and red cummerbund. At his waist he carried a short sheathed Japanese sword, and his golden spiked hair soared from his head to meet the doorframe.
"Who the hell are you, broomhead?!"
The man smiled.
"The name is Chou...Katanagari no Chou...and I hate your hair."
From out of his jacket, Sagara pulled a heavy machine gun and sprayed the doorway. Too bad that Chou wasn't there anymore. Vaulting over a nearby table, he ducked next to the bar and tossed another glass at Sagara's head. Sagara ducked and sprayed at Chou, who had been circling around. The burst caught him dead center and he ...shattered?
"A mirror!"
"Brilliant fellow, should go on Jeopardy." Chou leapt forward and gave Sagara an uppercut to the jaw throwing him backwards.
It wasn't over, as Sagara's five back-up goons jumped in through the ceiling brought Tommy guns, and opened fire. Chou leapt and dogded, avoiding their shots as they set fire to the expensive drinks at the bar. Hopping madly, Chou knew that he only had a little time before the bar burned down around him. Armed with only a club soda bottle he sprayed full in the face of the closest gangster, followed it up with a side-kick
Yanking out his sword, he swung at two other gunmen, taking off their barrels, a classic sweepkick knocked them both down. The next gangster tried to get in close, but Chou was too fast, batting him across the forehead with his sheath, causing him to fall across his last companion, knocking them both to the ground, the last gunmen's weapon firing into the ceiling as the it collapsed on him.
"Look out!"
That girl, Tae tackled him and pushed him to the ground. He somehow knew that it was to protect him, and managed to roll to his feet, throwing himself at Sagara in a flying kick that knocked the thug across the club and out the front window in a shower of glass.
Tae, stood, slack-jawed as she stared at where the gangster used to be.
"Who..."
"Are you all right, miss?" Chou asked gently. She didn't answer but gasped.
He understood. Grabbing a champagne bottle, he squeezed the neck and let fly.
The cork thwacked into Sagara's forehead and his eyes glazed over as he fell.
Undeterred, Chou poured two glasses of the expensive drink, offered one to Tae, spoiled only by the sprinkler system turning on. He smiled glancing at her white shirt now soaked to the skin.
"You were wonderful," gushed Tae. She was smiling and wriggling in his grasp.
"It was nothing..."
"Is there anything that I can do for you..."her voice took on a voluptuous undertone.
"Anything?"
"Anything."
He pulled her lips to his.
That was the plan anyway. There was just one problem.
"Don't you have any kind of gun?"
"What?" Sagara blinked.
"Aren't you carrying a machine gun?"
Sagara gaped. He held out his arms to show his clothes. Thin cloth breaches and jacket.
"Do I look like I'm carrying a gun?"
This was not good.
"Do you at least have some kind of backup?" Chou pleaded.
"Do I look like I need backup?!" Sagara practically screamed.
This was even worse.
"Damn, I was hoping for a challenge not a chicken-head."
Roaring in rage, Sagara yanked out a butterfly knife and charged. Chou waited until he was within two meters than lashed out with his left foot intending to sweep Sagara's feet out from under him. Anticipating him, Sagara feinted to the left than jumped over the sweep, kicking out with both of his own feet and catching Chou in the chest. The latter rolled, smoothly came back to his feet just in time to block a back-hand slash by his opponent. He leapt backwards, grabbing Sagara's arm and propelling him over his shoulder through the window in a shower of glass.
Or that was the plan anyway.
Sagara grabbed him in mid-throw and both of them collided with the wall, then pulled themselves groggily to their feet.
"Do you have any idea who you're messing with?" the gangster asked incredulously.
"Of course," replied Chou, trying to regain his lost dignity. Sanosuke Sagara, right-hand man of Souzo Sagara, the oyabun of the Sekihotai, an upstart all-Asian gang trying to push the Yakuza out of Little Tokyo. Tell me, does he have hair like you, or does he, at least, have some taste?"
"How dare you?! You of all people, broom-head!" Chou's nostrils flared.
"Broom-head?! At least I don't look like I'm having a permanent bad-hair day!!"
"Yeah, well, I can walk in doors without having to duck!"
"And it's out that door that you're going, butt-first, unless you clear out!"
Oustide the club, the tall man smiled indulgently. He had asked his junior partner to handle matters but it seems like he had forgotten the one immutable rule: Never lose your cool. No matter, he'd wait a few moments before intervening. He had actually been quite surprised when Sagara had gotten up again. A cheap bandit with a long rap sheet, Sagara had quite surprised the man with his tenacity.
He peered in the window, just in time to watch the two combattants get electrocuted as Chou stabbed a wall socket with his sword, setting fire to a pool of expensive wine.
"That boy needs to learn how to aim."
The flames began to spread.
Chou cursed and grabbed a champagne bottle. Sagara sneered.
"Don't tell me, you think that you're going to nail with the cork, right?" He began to laugh spastically. Chou smiled grimly.
"No."
He whacked Sagara over the head with the bottle, hard enough to stun him.
"Now I'm going to knock you out with the cork," as he squeezed the neck and let fly.
Only Sagara fell over, and the cork missed...and hit the wall...and flew back in the same direction...and smacked Chou on the forehead. He groaned.
"Not again..." and fell over.
Tae now had no clue what to do. The would-be-rapist had been beaten, but her savior was now out cold, too.
"Don't worry about him."
She started, her breath freezing in her throat.
"You take care of him, and leave Sagara to me."
She stared at the tall, thin man before her. Extremely thin, he exuded an cool, cold, aura of, power, confidence, and poise. For all she knew, he hadn't been there a moment ago. Yet his only discernable movement was the steady drop of his left hand, bearing a light cigarette, from his mouth, followed by a puff of smoke. His golden slit-eyes glowed.
"That idiot...don't worry, just wake him up. And I'm sure his aching head will tell him to be more careful the next time he goes to a club."
She wasn't sure why, but that mocking tone and smile, especially directed at a person who had saved her, got her hackles up.
"He saved me," she glared fiercely at the tall stanger. The flames grew higher.
He only looked at her. Only looked, but she felt a chill crawl up her spine, as if he had pierced every secret she had ever held dear and then drained them from her. Her mouth was dry, her angry words stolen.
He ignored her, and gathering up Sagara, dragged him out of the slowly burning club.
The sprinklers turned on, but Tae didn't move, just stared after the tall, dark, figure.
"I want some answers, Sagara."
"I ain't gonna tell you jack, man!"
Hajime Saitoh sighed and kneed Sagara in the groin. While the gangster gasped for air in pain, Saitoh rammed his head against the outside club wall. Sagara dropped to the ground, dazed.
"Now. Give me the answers I want, and I might even give a lollipop."
"You...you..."gasped Sagara weakly.
"'You' what?" Saitoh inquired gently, seizing Sagara by the neck.
"You have a deal."
Chou moaned, coming to.
Tae shook herself out of her reverie and brought his head up to her lap. He stared up at her. Her white shirt was wet to the skin.
"Are you all right?" she asked gently. Not perfect, but it worked.
"Do you have anything that you could give me to make me feel any better?"
Tae smiled, but grimaced inwardly. (This is ALL I need!)
"Would you like a drink?"
Chou felt suddenly uncertain.
"Don't you have something else, something warmer and a little more...comfortable?" Perfect.
(Damn) Tae was finding it hard to smile.
"No."
Chou was disappointed.
"Oh."
"A new group moving in?"
"That's the word on the street."
"Is that why Souzo is stepping up his operations? So he can take control of this new group when they show instead of letting them swear allegiance to the Yakuza?"
Sagara didn't reply. Saitoh applied a bit of pressure.
"Aagh! Stop it! No, that's not the only reason!" He choked air back into his lungs. "Souzo doesn't want to deal with them. He wants to destroy them!"
"What?"
"It's true. Word is that it's 'the Bandaged Leader'!" Saitoh's head whipped around.
"The Bandaged Leader? Who is this?"
"Dunno! No one sees him, word is that he's deformed or something!"
"If I find that you've been lying to me..."Saitoh's eyes narrowed to glowing slits.
"No way, man!" Sagara yelped. Saitoh watched silently for several minutes during which the young mob boss didn't dare breathe.
"Very well, I keep my promises." Sagara exhaled in relief.
"Here..."
"What's this?"
"Your lollipop."
"You...you...you..."
Perhaps to be continued.
I don't know where the idea to do this fic came from, but I kinda like it, considering I just wrote it in a couple of hours. If I do continue it, there's going to be more slapstick, but like I said, I'm not sure if I should. C&C is especially welcome!
I hope you all enjoyed it!
Dr. Panda