From: "Erin Ellis" -The Revisionist History of 'Let's Get Serious' Five. (just a few revisions... additions... fixes... if I write this, maybe 6 will begin to spring from my head...? you don't have to read it, but I'd like it if you did... ^^) ========= Five chapters... I think it's time for another disclaimer: First season's worth of plot, rampant disregard of true characterization, with perhaps a hint of lymon coming up..? Oro... Rurouni Kenshin still © Nobuhiro Watsuki / Shueisha o Fuji-TV o Sony Pictures (Japan) (and not me... *snif*) * Previously on 'Let's Get Serious'... http://www.unc.edu/~ellis/fanfics/lgs.html Kaoru was preparing for a regular day at the dojo when she found newcomer Himemiya Moemi giving Kenshin a very warm hello. Turns out that fourteen years back, she had gotten Kenshin to agree to marrying her, and now she was here to collect. The dojo denizens don't quite agree with her actions, but Kenshin has yet to find a way out of his position. Needless to say, Kaoru is unhappy, and in an arguably incredibly ridiculous move, has gotten Sano to help her catch Kenshin for herself. Oh yeah, and there's a mysterious figure trying to best the Hitokiri Battousai. But then, it's a Kenshin story -- you probably had already figured that part out. * The mysterious figure perched high above Tokyo, his view a fantastic survey of the city. There was no way he'd miss Himura today. He knew Himura had read the challenge. He knew Himura didn't turn down challenges. Usually. That uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach began again. He'd waited for Himura for a good three days now. They were running out of full moon. The man's head wound was all better now, so there was no excuse there... The mysterious figure ground his teeth. This was just Himura's way of toying with him. He stood, brandishing a fist. Battousai would *never* get the better of... erk. In a not-so-mysterious fashion, the figure windmilled, trying to regain balance and not fall off the roof. Sitting again, he settled deeper into the crook of the rooftops, deciding to stay calm. Himura *would* come tonight. But just in case... He pulled out a book. * Let's Get Serious by Erin Ellis Part 5 - Misunderstanding Is the Spice of Life * "Full moon? Oro?" Kenshin looked startled, chopsticks paused on their way to his mouth. Kaoru sucked in a long breath-- she'd done her best to make sure Kenshin had completely forgotten about the strange note he'd recieved. Because-- If he fought, and if he left- - Her eyes narrowed, looking sidelong past the baffled Kenshin to Himemiya Moemi. Kaoru had been almost enjoying their dinner at the Akabeko until Moemi (where'd she get off adding herself to their family dinner, anyway?) brought up the matter of his challenge. Old hag. And after she'd done so much... Unaware of Kaoru's problems, the rest of the table blinked a few times. "You don't know where it is?" Yahiko asked in disbelief. "I think this means you don't have to go," Kaoru said, knowing it wouldn't work. "I agree," Moemi chimed. "No way," Sano objected. "Warriors' pride." "I'm afraid I must answer the challenge." Kenshin's face creased with thought. "Saa, full moon on the scales... where could that be?" Kaoru bit her lower lip. Despite wanting Kenshin to neglect the riddle, she herself had given it a lot of thought. "A koi pond, or some other river with fish," she finally offered. At the others' blank looks, she continued. "Or a grocer's stall. Scales for weighing things." "Is there a dragon bridge or something around here? Dragons have scales," Moemi suggested. "An outhouse," Yahiko said. "You've got th--" He was interrupted by Kaoru's fist. "Yahiko!" she cried, whopping him another for good measure. "We're at the table!" The boy shrugged in reply. "Well gee, that's what *I* always want to think about before dinner," Sano commented wryly. "Ittadakimasu," a new voice smirked. Megumi approached the group. "I think you could use some better advisors, Ken-san." Sano gave a half grin. "Ah, the onna-sensei graces us with her presence." "Someone had to come who could pay their bill. So, Ken-san, how are you feeling?" She slipped between him and Kaoru (to the younger girl's displeasure), checking his head and neck for heat. "Has your fever flared up again? You look flushed. Maybe you should come to the clinic for a... physical checkup." The doctor cast a quick glance at Kaoru, her smug smile growing at the girl's scowling reaction. "Ano..." Kenshin sweatdropped. "I don't believe we've met, " Moemi interrupted coolly. All eyes turned to her as she stood, bowing slightly. "I am called Himemiya Moemi. Very pleased to meet you," she said, sounding quite the opposite. Megumi followed, an equally icy expression on her face. "Of course. Takani Megumi. Yoroshiku." Looking into each other's eyes, the moment held. One could almost see the auras battling. "See?" Sano pointed out. "That blue flare there means Fox Lady hates her hair. But Himemiya's red one says she doesn't care for Foxy's taste in clothing. She's got a point," he opined, "that bib thing doesn't top the list of sexy things you could wear." Both women shot him a dirty look, their combined annoyance still only slightly cowing the spike-haired man. Choosing for once to hold her tongue, Megumi edged closer to Kenshin, to Kaoru's continued chagrin. "So, any particular reason as to why you were holding off on the introduction of your girlfriend?" "Hmm, you jealous?" He gave a toothy grin. "Jealous? May you ever be so lucky." "I guess that's good, 'cause she's not. This here," he gave a dramatic flourish, "is Kenshin's fiancιe." "WHAT?!" the patrons of the Akabeko were instantly around them. "Yep!" Sano crowed. "It's the latest installment of 'The Life of Himura Kenshin,' and this one's got a gal. ...Another gal." The crowd gave rumbles of surprise at this. To the displeasure of all at the table save Sano and maybe Yahiko, they proceded to surround and inundate the 'happy couple' with questions. 'At least Himemiya has the decency to blush at the attention,' Kaoru thought bitterly. There wasn't much more Kaoru could think well of her for, especially as the crowd (mostly men), were beginning to favor Moemi over herself. On her left, Megumi sat, expression one of faint disappointment. "Ken-san... I never knew." "My condolences," she said to Kaoru, before slipping out of the restaurant. To Kaoru's immediate right, Sanosuke lounged, grinning like a jackal, casually fielding questions. Only Yahiko ate, a mildly amused smile on his face as he looked between the flustered Kenshin and the embarrassed Moemi. Kaoru frowned, pushing her plate away. "I've lost my appetite," she announced to no one in particular. "Make sure to send me an invitation to the wedding, Himura-san," she bit. Grabbing Sano by the ear, she stalked through the crowd and out of the restaurant. Damn it all. That would have been so much more caustic had Kenshin been able to hear her. * "So, Kenshin, I didn't know you were in the market for a wife." "And such a pretty one too!" "But what about that Kamiya girl? I figured you two were... you know." "Heh heh, a wild man!" "O-oro?" the man in question said in a pathetic voice. All these people... He cast about for a friendly face. Yahiko sat across the table, casually eating, but Sano and the women had disappeared. One would think Sano had machinated this somehow... Kenshin disliked this more by the minute. "Minna-san!" Tae yelled. "Please, go back to your tables! This is a restaurant, not a bazaar." Disappointed and grumbling, the crowd dispersed to their respective tables. "Himura-sama... I'm really sorry." Flushed, Moemi's face was stricken and a little frightened. "I didn't-" "What's done is done. It's not your fault Sano did that." Kenshin gave a half-hearted smile. It wasn't her fault that he'd just been romantically trapped into a corner and forced into a choice he was not especially ready to make. It wasn't her fault that Sano seemed to be using his 'engagement' as an opportunity to move in on Kaoru... Okay, that was an unproven accusation. But certain things tended to point that direction... like all the time they'd been spending together lately. And their mysterious disappearance during dinner. And-- "Sumimasen... Kenshin-san?" Kenshin snapped back to reality with a jolt. "H- H- Tae-dono?" "Kenshin-san. Your friends have all left, and we're closing." Kenshin blinked, gathering himself. "Closing... hai." Nodding a few times, he slowly stood, suddenly feeling like he was missing something important. Tae still was looking at him, smiling expectantly. "Tae-dono?" "Um... the check... I mean, Himemiya-san paid, and I don't expect anything from Sano-san, but..." ... "I don't have any money..." "..." Tae replied. * "Ow! Lay off!" With a surprised grimace, Kaoru paused, fist still upraised. "Why?" "You're rumpling my shirt," Sano said, plainfaced. "Mou!" she exclaimed, loosening her grip and walking away a slight distance. "I thought you were supposed to *help* me," she said, voice sore. "Instead, you introduce the old woman as his fiancιe. *Fiancιe*!" she cried, grabbing and shaking him. "They might as well be naming children when you put it like that! We'll never get rid of her now!" Sano raised a finger in mild scolding. "Quite the contrary, my dear Jou-chan." He gently but firmly removed her hands from around his neck. "Before, there was no real pressure, and Kenshin, always one to avoid conflict, could potentially keep the two of you hanging for... well, forever. Now that the spotlight is on him, he'll be forced to make a choice." He allowed a moment for this to sink in. "What?" Kaoru frowned. "That makes absolutely no sense." The gangster blinked. "Really? I thought it was a pretty damned slick excuse." "Sano..." "It seemed like a good idea at the time." The way the girl's eyebrow was twitching indicated she didn't agree. "Look, Jou-chan, what's done is done. Now all that's left is for him to choose." "B-but... but what if he makes the wrong choice?" She began to blubber. He leaned close. "Well, Kenshin's lived with you this long, I think he's used to it by now. "Ow," he commented at the fist implanted in his stomach. "Sharing a tender moment?" Megumi asked, walking up to the pair. "I was just telling Sano he's an idiot," Kaoru said, turning to Megumi. "Oh, he gets that so much, I'm sure he knows by now." "Ha, ha, ha, Foxy. No, Jou-chan and I were just talking..." he began, eyes full of mirth. Kaoru stepped on his foot. If Megumi knew she were getting love advice from Sano, she'd never live it down. "What about?" Megumi asked, interest piqued. "Oh, just giving her some advice about certain red-haired boarders." Kaoru switched to kicking him in the shins. "Say, Sano, isn't there someplace you should be going now?" "What kind of useful advice could *you* possibly give?" He grinned wider, if possible, and leaned close, conspiratorially. "See, Kaoru wanted my advice on Kenshin, so I told her, if you ever want a chance with him..." he drew the moment out, "don't cook for him. That's just cruel." Megumi gave a wry smile. Infuriated, Kaoru grabbed a shinai and started beating wildly on his head until-- "Where did this come from?" Pausing in mid-pound, she looked down at Yahiko, who frowned belligerently. "Hey, ugly! Gimme back my shinai. You could just look at him if you wanted to knock him out." The blade met a new victim. Less angry, she returned the shinai to it's resting place on Yahiko's back. "Why are you out all alone? Where's Kenshin?" The boy shrugged. "Still at the Akabeko, I guess. They were giving out the bill, so I had to run." "Yahiko! You abandoned him with that woman?" "Yep! All alone... with Tae." He stuck out his tongue at the look she gave him. "Why's he still there?" Sano asked. "Hiding out?" "Sono busu didn't leave any money..." "What?! I didn't eat anything!" "...so Kenshin's stuck washing dishes to pay the bill." Yahiko finished, ignoring her. Kaoru brandished a fist. "I know you ate. Why aren't you working?" "Sumimasen, ga... Kaoru-san, he did help." The group turned at the timid voice poking from behind the boy. "Tsubame-chan! Konban wa." Hands clasped, the dark-haired girl stepped closer into the circle of light offered by the streetlamp. "Please don't be angry at Yahiko-kun. He helped us sweep up, then volunteered to walk me home." "Heh heh. Good job, kid." Sano playfully punched the boy in the shoulder. Scowling, Yahiko pushed his arm away. "Ooh, is that a blush, Yahiko-chan?" Kaoru's voice was sugary sweet. "Shaddup, all of ya. We're leaving," he declared, grabbing Tsubame's hand and stalking off. "And don't call me '-chan'!" he called over his shoulder. "Biii!" Kaoru stuck out her tongue at his retreating figure. "Ah, I feel better now. Let's go home." "Good idea." Megumi began walking down the road Yahiko had turned onto. "While, as always, you've been an amusing distraction, I've some things to finish at the clinic, so..." "Oi," Sano began, "it's pretty dark... do you want someone to go with you?" "You?" she laughed. "You're 12 years too young for this lady." He scratched his head, puzzled. "You aren't that old." "You aren't that mature." She smirked at his reaction. "I'm a big girl, Sagara. I can take care of myself." "Fine!" he spat. "Get yourself killed. See if I care." "I'll make sure to haunt you. Ja, mata." They continued to the dojo, Sano snatching glances back towards the street the others had gone down. "That's so cute," Kaoru said, smiling. "What?" "You're worried about her," she said coyly. He snorted. "I'm worried about Yahiko. She'll catch up and cramp his style." "'Style'? Yahiko's too young to be thinking about things like that!" "You're never too young." "Mou!" She pointed a finger. "You know, for someone who's always talking about lovin', you certainly do little of it. Seems like your only dates are 24-7 at my house." "Don't mix up my lovelife with yours. I'll have you know that I'll be seeing a special someone tomorrow night." "Really." She raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't be a certain female doctor, would it?" "No," he said, annoyed. "No? Hmm..." The girl pursed her lips in thought as she opened the gate to her home. "Say, why don't you woo Himemiya, if you're such the Casanova." "Too old. I don't go for older women." "Only Megumi." "Right, only Me-- Hey! Would you quit that? I am *not*, in any way shape or form, interested in Takani Megumi!!" Elsewhere, Megumi sneezed. "Oh no, of *course* not," Kaoru said innocently, walking into the sitting room and lighting a lamp. "Would you like some tea?" The man stalked after her, frowning. "You'd better change the subject. You're skating on thin ice, Jou-chan." "What's wrong, Sagara-kun?" At his dark look, she cocked an eyebrow and affected a battle stance. "Mean old Kaoru getting your goat? You wanna fight or something?" She stuck out her tongue. He sighed, exasperated. "There's your problem," Sano said. "Spunk." "Spunk?" Kaoru shook her head. "I've got plenty of spunk," she said hotly. "Exactly. Guys don't want girls with spunk. Chicks should do chick things. Cook, clean, look cute." Kaoru digested this. "Demo... Kenshin already can do those things. He doesn't need my help." "No," Sano agreed. "You're not supposed to agree with me," Kaoru said, looking at him sidelong. "This is why you don't have a man," Sano said sourly, rubbing the new bump on his head. "Mou! I don't know why I listen to you. I am Kamiya Kaoru, the kenjitsu komachi! If that means I'm spunky, then so be it. That's just how I am." "If you wanna become *Himura* Kaoru, then you'd better change." Kaoru paused, reddening. Sano regretted his words immediately; he'd gone too far. "I didn't mean--" "Himura.. I wasn't saying all that!" she said, blushing. "I just want him to notice me! I... gee!" Sano raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you're not considering the big M. Come on, you're a woman. You've probably already got a wedding kimono and everything." Kaoru flushed even more. "Maa..." she said, Kenshinesque. "I mean, come on. At your age?" he continued mercilessly. "They say girls over eighteen are unmarriagable." Kaoru reddened, this time for a different reason. "Really," she said, struggling to keep her cool. "Is that why you're going after Megumi?" He opened his mouth and closed it. "Touchι," he said. "And I'm not interested in Megumi." The girl was silent, the smirk on her face saying it all. "What kind of look is that?" he said indignantly. "Who's the one getting you a man?" "No one, as of yet. You haven't been much help." "Oh?" She nodded. "Oh." Sano scratched his chin, thinking. "Just notice, hm? I've got somethin' for ya..." * Arms folded, Moemi waited in the side street. 'Late...' she thought, gazing into the dark sky. 'This is foolish. I'm going.' "Oi," a voice called. A shadowed (but not mysterious) figure approached. She smiled weakly with relief. "You came." The figure shrugged. "What'd you want?" "I called you here because... I need help. With Himura-sama." The figure crossed its arms. "And I should help you because..." "Well..." * Despite the late hour, the walk home was relatively bright, save the idle cloud passing over the full moon. It did nothing for Kenshin's mood, however. He grimaced, looking down. His fingers were wrinkled like prunes and white as bone. He'd washed so many dishes he'd lost the feeling in his hands. Granted, when he'd asked Tae to put the bill on Sano's tab she hadn't objected, but the look she'd given was so defeated and pitiful that he couldn't bear to leave her that way. So he'd scrubbed the evening away. He narrowed his eyes, looking to the sky. The stars had gone quite a ways -- it was late. Kaoru must be worried-- "Sano! I can't do that!" Or not... Kenshin crept around the building, following the voices to their source. Two figures were in the sitting room, the shadows thrown through the rice paper door indicating them to be Kaoru and Sanosuke. Unsure of how to react, Kenshin lingered in the yard. "Come on, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, unless you've got some odd deformation under those clothes... Ow!" "Hentai! I'm not that kind of girl." "Don't be a prude. Remember who's getting the most out of this situation." There was silence... no, a light smacking sound. "M-maybe I could," Kaoru offered. "That's what I want to hear," the boy replied, a grin in his voice. "Think about it. I'll come back later." A slight pause, then more wet noises. The boy's shadow turned suddenly, reaching his head out of the door and into the courtyard. "What was that?" With an imperceptible movement, Kenshin ducked out of sight. "I thought I heard something," the spiky-haired shadow replied to the girl's cross-armed stance. "I don't see how you can hear anything since you're so noisy," she said, slightly annoyed. "Very funny." The shadow leaned forward and out. "Well, I'll be going now. Gambling to do." Sano stepped out of the room. "Hmph," Kaoru hmphed, following him out and carrying a small lamp. She frowned slightly, watching him walk to the gate. "Tommorrow?" she asked. He grinned in reply, turning back towards her. "Sure. Don't get too worked up about this. I'll take care of you, okay?" "Will you?" Instead of the harsh, sarcastic tone Kenshin had expected, her voice was soft and vulnerable. "Here," Sano said. Kenshin's view of his actions was obscured by Sano's body and the shadows he himself stood in. "Go to bed," he advised, finally. Breaking off, the boy walked to the gate while Kaoru returned to the house bearing her lamp and a teacup. As Sano passed, he turned, staring into the darkness where Kenshin stood. Frowning but finding nothing, he continued on. Now alone, Kenshin waited. Suddenly he wasn't so eager to go home. He turned, leaping over the gate and running down the streets aimlessly. Eventually, he slowed to a walk, the moonlight illuminating his way through the labrinth of Tokyo's streets. Finally he found himself on a grassy riverbank and sat down, head in his hands. The full moon sparkled off the water like dragon scales. Unimportant, his mind deemed, and pushed the thought aside. He cast a baleful gaze at the night sky. Kaoru... If Sano was taking care of her, what could she need him for? Other than laundry and dishes... Kenshin sagged, looking even more downtrodden. He had never told her how he felt... he wasn't quite sure how he felt. He knew he wanted her to be happy. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to protect her and keep her safe. He wanted to take her and-- But that wasn't his place. And it didn't matter what he wanted, only what pleased her. So if round rice balls and clean laundry made her happy, he would cook and clean. But if Sanosuke made her more happy... This was ridiculous. How could he attempt to stake any claim on her? He wasn't sure of what he wanted himself... Was he even ready to open his heart that much? If she even actually cared for him, that is. He definitely didn't deserve to make her wait for him to come to terms with his angst-ridden existence. He would meet with his riv-- friend, tomorrow. No more guessing, and hopefully, no more Sano. 'Kamisama, you're a hypocrite,' he thought. Sighing, he stood, idly looking behind him. A large face peered back. "Konban wa!" it waved. Letting out a small sound of surprise, Kenshin jumped back, instinctively grabbing for his sakabatou. Instead, he bounced off a second man's chest. Kenshin scampered away, facing both. "I was wondering when you'd finally notice us, Hitokiri Battousai." * The mysterious figure sobbed. "What about me?!" tbc. [Author's Notes] * The revision was supposed to streamline everything, but instead I'm much bigger... ^_^; * The suggestions for 'full moon meets the scales' are all real. I asked friends and family, and that's what they came up with (frightening as it sounds). As for the actual answer... well, only the mysterious figure knows for sure... * Thanks to typists Cindy, Dave, and Glenn; also, my prereaders Ammadeau and Deandra. Arigatou! * For all y'all who asked for violence from Kaoru... this one was for you. * 'The big M' -- marriage... or should it be the big K? (kekkon suru) * You know, I just remembered... Saitou is hiding around, stalk-- er, watching Kenshin around this time in the show. Maybe he'll make an appearance. No, he's not the mysterious figure... or *is* he? (ow.. OW! Lucy, stop hitting me! It's just a joke... stupid Saitou fangirls...) [Next Time] Hey, this is Yahiko. Next time, Kenshin faces those two strange guys -- naturally, he'll waste 'em, I'm sure. The hag tries out roosterhead's plan (the blind leading the deaf, I tell ya), while Sano gets ready for a date. (will wonders never cease?) Hey, what's that new chick doing? And what about me? I always get shafted in these stories... Anyway, Part Six- Who's Your Daddy, Sagara... hehheh, that's kinda funny. Wonder what it means. -------- 12.18.99 Erin •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Brevity is the soul of lingerie. -- Dorothy Parker * www.unc.edu/~ellis • members.tripod.com/~tina97 • redrival.com/coup •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- Register now and you could win a Volkswagen New Beetle at LiQ.com! Click below, 'cause it's going fast! While you're at it, check out our great entertainment products at fantastic prices! Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------