Subject: [kffdisc] spamfic- A Fractured Tale Date: Fri, 26 Mar 1999 11:01:18 +0800 From: "Johnny Chu" Reply-To: kffdisc@onelist.com To: From: "Johnny Chu" A Fractured Tale: How to kill a completely ordinary fairy tale by inserting anime characters ******************************************** Disclaimer: The characters of Rurouni Kenshin are copyright of Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shueisha, Sony Entertainment, etc. The story Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and all other references to fairy tales were taken from Grimm's Fairy Tales. This fic was written purely for entertainment purposes and is not qualified to be considered a fanfic ... blah, blah, blah... At any rate, all characters belongs to their respective creators. This is writen purely for entertainment purposes, no profit is being made out of this. Do not distribute it in anyform. Jien (a.k.a B'zugda-hiara) proudly presents "A Fractured Tale". Drumroll please... Drum smashes into wall...Okay, enter creepy church organ music. ***Purple lightning*** Organ blows up and the Librarian is blown into the nether dimension. Damn. Why does that always happen to me. ******************************************** Cast: The 2 vertically challenged and 5 extremely horizontally challenged people aka 7 Dwarfs Kenshin=Dummy Sano=Spiky B Yahiko=Spiky C Saitou=Wolfy ShishiO=Toast Hiko=Groggy Aoshi=.... Tomoe=Queen Snow White Kaoru=Rose Red Misao=Weasel Godmother Prologue Once upon a time, there was a mining company, 7 People Mining Inc, run by two vertically challenged and five extremely horizontally challenged people in the beautiful country of XXXXX run by Queen Yukishiro Tomoe a.k.a Snow White. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the coldest @$%&# of them all?" "You are, my Queen," the mirror replied wearily. "Alright, let's try another one...Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the toughest @$%&# of them all?" *************************************** "Stop lazing around, you dwarfs!!", Rose Red screeched."Get this dojo cleaned up. You never do anything but sit around in from of that misrable box and watch pirated VCDs!" "Shut Up, You HAG!", Spiky C responded."I'm trying to watch 'Blade'." Always the mediator, Dummy tried to interrupt the rapidly encroaching cat-fight between the two. "Matte, matte de gozaru yo...Orooooooooroooooo" *************************************** Queen Tomoe watched, surprised, as the surface of the mirror started to shimmer and change until it held the image of a young woman screaming at a dwarf with perfectly symmetrically spiky hair, while another six people sat on a couch watching the freely provided entertainment. "What the hell?!". The Queen asked, "Is'nt that my errant ex-husband sitting there? And who is that girl! How did she get to be the toughest @$%&# of them all?" The mirror sighed. Here it was, a completely ordinary magic mirror, one that did'nt even need to be rhymed at, yet was being asked the same inane question everyday by a queen who seemed to believe that being a cold @$%&# qualified her for the throne. "Tis a young adjutant master who took 7 People Mining Inc. in her dojo in the belief that they would provide free housekeeping services. The ploy worked until Toast and Groggy started draining her resources. After that she was no longer a tractable innocent maiden and turned, errr shall we say to prevent this fic from obtaining a -PG rating, nasty." "What bosh! My husband never did any housework for me! How dare she..", Queen Snow White gathered her kimono up and left the room in a swish of skirts and shawl. "WEASEL!!!!" *************************************** The Weasel Godmother sniffed. The next time she was getting script approval. Weasel Godmother indeed! Her agent was going to pay for this. She mentally envisaged her then... "KANSATSU TOBI KUNAI!" Queen Snow White entered just narrowly missed turning into a human pincushion. She bristled. "Weasel...." "Don't call me that!" "Fine, Itachi Musume will have to do then," Tomoe waved her hand dismissively at the fuming godmother, "Anyway. I have a problem that I need you to fix now. It involves a woman, Rose Red, who is now being reputed to be the toughest @$%&#. She currently abodes with 7 People Mining Inc...." "Aoshi!!" *hearts*. The Weasel Godmother vanished with a puff of smoke. Tomoe sighed. It was so hard to get good help these days. *************************************** Groggy and Spiky B dragged out the sake as Rose Red proceeded to pound Spiky C into pulped liver and onions. "This is better than cinema" "Pass me the popcorn de gozaru yo" "Hey Toast, mind igniting these marshmallows in your hand again?" "Gimme 15 minutes" "...." With a flutter of wings, Misao, the Weasel Godmother appeared and immediately flung her hands around Aoshi's neck. "...." She waved her wand and Aoshi vanished in a cloud of smoke huge enough to hide an elephant. The cloud dissipated leaving behind a disgustingly squat green amphibian. "It's the basic qualification to become a prince! Then he'll be my Prince Charming. Heh! Heh!".The Weasel Godmother hummed 'Ice Blue Eyes' happily while Aoshi croaked, "..." A huge kodacha mallet dropped on Misao's head. "Ow!" Tomoe's disembodied voice sounded out of the corners, "I thought you were on the job..." The dojo's walls dissolved and the two vertically challenged and five extremely horizontally challenged people as well as Rose Red and the Weasel Godmother appeared in the palace. "You!," Tomoe said menacingly."How dare you force my beloved to work for you. He's my HUSBAND!!" "Ano. Tomoe..." Dummy reproached. "SHUT UP!!" Snow White and Rose Red screamed. *************************************** And everyone lived happily ever after, after finding their not-so-much-better halves, except for Dummy who spent his life stuck between two perpetually angry women, even when they were'nt suffering from PMS. "He's mine!" "No! He's mine!" "Himura-san/Kenshin! Decide!" "Orooooooroooroo..." And for Toast, who ran off to Hell, after his kuni tori failed when Queen Tomoe used him as a barbecue and forgot the lighter fluid. OWARI ************************************ Alright I did'nt mean to write this. It's all his fault! *points randomly at trembling LIAC* It's spastic. I know it is... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Have you visited our new web site? http://www.onelist.com Onelist: Helping to create Internet communities