A Rurouni Christmas: A Parody
by: K. C. "Kaoru-Sensei" Hulsman
 

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the dojo,
All the Kenshin-gumi were sleeping in the cty of Tokyo.
Their swords had been hung in their dojo with care,
Hoping they could live in non-violence happy and fair.
They were asleep, all nestled in their respective beds,
While sushi and tofu (untouched by Kaoru) danced in their heads.
Kaoru with her hair braided, and I with a nod and a tap,
Had just retired to our individual rooms for a nice long nap.
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away, gathering my sakabuto, I flew like a flash,
Arriving in the yard with my hitokiri battousai dash.
I arrived in the yard, all covered with snow,
Looking around for the trespassing foe.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I felt my forehead thinking I must be sick.
But finding myself not fevered at all,
He proceeded to whistle and shout and boldly did call.
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the dojo! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
So up to the dojo's roof these reindeer did soar,
As the odd little guy let out his odd little roar:
Which was a good-natured "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
I merely gaped and exclaimed my patented "ORO?!"
And then in a moment, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I held my sword ready and did turn around,
Down came that weird little fellow with hardly a sound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot.
The toys on his back, was like Misao with her loot.
His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses! His nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held in his teeth,
And the smoke encircled his head like a wreath.
I thought to myself Saitoh and he should get together,
My with all this smoke they were birds of a feather!
He was chubby and plump, and he did beguile,
And when I saw him I grinned with a broad smile.
A wink of his eye and a nod of his had,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went to his work,
Placing toys in the dojo then turned with a jerk.
Laying his finger on the side of his nose,
And giving a nod up towards the roof he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Kaoru appeared rubbing sleep from her eyes.
I turned to her, shrugged and offered up a sigh.
I put up my sword, told her all was alright,
Then I returned to my room, bidding her to sleep tight.
Next morning Yahiko pleased and surprised,
Shouted joyously making us rise.
"Arigato Kaoru and Kenshin for this!"
And we saw his face full of nothing but bliss.
Kaoru and I turned towards each other,
Then with a shared smile nodded together.
Whoever the odd guy was from last night.
He truly brought joy in our sight.
The Christmas guy then became our tradition
And I offered up this yearly rendition:
Of the odd little guy, and his odd little sack,
We always looked forward to him coming back.



 

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