From: "Kathy F" If you've already read this, thanks! The only think I've corrected are the names and descriptions of the sword attacks. (Thanks Naga and Hiko!!) If you haven't read this, please enjoy!! C & C requested. Thanks Kathy "Laughter in death's shadow fools no one who understands death. But if you're moved to it, be assured that the Goddess will laugh at the joke" --Diane Duane ______________________________________________ The Killer Inside by kathryn **Inspired by the Better Than Ezra song of the same name. There have been minor changes in the lyrics. (Only one line!) **All usual disclaimers apply. [ ] - indicates character thoughts _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_ Chapter 1 I believe that she'd be better off without me She believes in me She believes that time can make things right, yeah And I wanna believe there's been a change in me I hope that she believes Yes I wonder if she sees The killer inside me --Better Than Ezra "Your companion should be fine, but I believe he should see a doctor when he gets into town. We can recommend a good one," Kaoru smiled up from where she knelt on the ground. The old man she was tending patted her hand in thanks as she tied the bandage around his arm. His companion, a striking older woman, sighed in relief. "Thank you so much, my dear. You and your young man..." Her eyes traveled across the road, to where Kenshin stood stiffly, his back toward them, his eyes fixed intently on the would-be robber unconscious at his feet. "Is he all right? Was he injured in the fight?" The woman gazed fearfully at the forest surrounding them. The other robbers had fled after the brief battle, rather than fight, but if her savior was injured, might they not return? "I'm sure he's fine. Please don't worry." Kaoru's eyes narrowed as she noticed his hand convulsively clenching and releasing the hilt of his sakaba. It looked as though his hand was trying to draw the blade, and only the force of his will was stopping it. Afraid of what she might find, she made a wide circle and stopped when she could see Kenshin's face. "Kenshin..." she sighed as she caught sight of the amber glint in his eyes. Reverting to her "dojo-master voice" she called out to him again. "Himura Kenshin!!" Slowly his eyes raised to hers. She could see the rage there, the maddening urge to finish off the man at his feet. She continued in her commanding voice, "Himura Kenshin, the man is down. The threat has passed. He will not trouble us again." She continued to hold his gaze. After a moment, he blinked, and violet eyes met her wary gaze. "Kaoru-dono...is everything all right?" He wasn't sure what had just happened, but he had a suspicion.... "Everything's fine, Kenshin. It's a good thing you came with me to visit the dojo today, ne?" Kaoru smiled at him as she went on to inform him that everyone was ready to continue the journey to town. They walked back to the travelers they had found being robbed on the road into Tokyo. The woman met them with a carefully wrapped bundle in her arms. "Kamiya-san, please accept this gift as a token of our thanks. I was taking it to my daughters' new home, but my father and I feel that it might be something you would enjoy. Each time you look at it, you can remember how you stood to help two defenseless travelers." After trying to graciously refuse the gift several times, Kaoru happily gave in and pulled the wrappings from the package. (After all, she LOVED presents!!) To her amazement the wrappings parted to reveal a large mirror in a beautiful silver frame featuring intertwined dragons. "It's too beautiful," she gasped. "It's much too nice to give to a stranger. Are you certain...?" The woman smiled. "When those "strangers" just saved our lives, I'm absolutely certain!" "Kenshin! Look how beautiful!" She spun around and tilted the mirror to catch his reflection. She giggled when he froze, and whirled aback to continue her effusive thanks for the gift. In the growing darkness, she didn't notice how pale Kenshin had become, or that his hand clenched reflexively around his sword hilt. Kenshin, on the other hand, was NOT thrilled with the gift Karou had received. In fact, he was anything but thrilled. He was terrified. That mirror reminded him why he didn't own one of his own, of why he tried to avoid looking into still water, or anywhere else that he might see his own reflection. He tried to get hold of himself, and force his mind to deny the fact that for the brief moment that he had glimpsed his own frozen reflection, he had seen the Hitokiri Battousai grinning evily back at him, Later that evening at the Kamiya Dojo an excited Kaoru was eager to show off her prized new possession as she recounted the days' adventures. "...then Kenshin knocked one of them out with Ryu-Shou-Sen, and the others ran away." She paused for a moment in her story, remembering the way Kenshin had reacted to the sight of the man at his feet. "It's a good thing Kenshin went with you to check out that new dojo where you've been invited to teach," Yahiko interjected. Even though she's said the same thing to herself, she bristled at Yahiko's tone. "I wasn't just standing around, you know. Don't you think the master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu could handle some worthless robbers?" she asked in a dangerous voice. "Nah...you're just a girl, and...OW! What did I say?" he asked in bewilderment. "Oh, Kaoru," Megumi interrupted, trying to forestall the argument erupting, "What's in the package?" "Yes, look at this. It's wonderful," she continued excitedly, as she unwrapped the mirror and showed it to her friends. "How lovely," Megumi exclaimed, examining the ornate frame. "You must hang it on the wall of your room" Sano growled "That's all we need. Just like a woman to want to sit around and look into a mirror all day, instead of...OW, Megumi! What'd cha hit me for?" "Yeah, any woman 'cept old ugly here! Why, she'd probably cry if she looked at herself too long...HEY! That hurt," Yahiko wailed. As the two males warily eyed the now angry female occupants of the room, Yahiko suddenly spoke up. "Hey, where's Kenshin?" "He was sitting on the porch a little while ago," Sano mumbled as he rubbed his aching skull. [That Megumi sure can hit!] Laying her gift down carefully, Kaoru rose to her feet. She'd been trying to keep a close eye on him since they'd been home. "I'll just go check on him then," she mummered as she left the room. Looking over at Megumi, Sano considered for a moment before he gave in to his temptation. "Hey, Fox," he smirked, "wanna come over here and "check on" me?" Through the stars now encircling his head, he watched her backside appreciatively as she flounced from the room. [I wonder if she's ever gonna mellow out a little bit. After all, I did rescue her from the Yakuza. And she did take REAL good care of me when I had that little bump on my head. Now THAT'S something!! Waking up next to the Fox. I could get used to that...Except the part where she woke up and bashed me almost as bad as that Yakuza dude the night before. Something tells me I'm not done with those guys. That's OK. Just let 'em mess with Sagara Sanosuke, or his friends, and see what happens!!] Yahiko wondered at Sanos' fierce grin, but simply shook his head in amazement as he helped his friend sit back up. "I don't know why you provoke her, Sano. You know she doesn't like you. And she hits almost as hard as Karou.," He winced as he rubbed the side of his head, still sore from that last blow. "She likes me better than she thinks," Sano muttered, also wincing at the pain in his own abused head. At Yahiko's disbelieving look, he blushed slightly, and rushed to continue. "Just forget it kid. You'll understand when you grow up." "DON'T CALL ME KID!!!" "STOP BITING ME!!!" Kaoru hesitated at the door as she spied Kenshin sitting in the dark. His sakabatou rested casually over his shoulder as he leaned back against the wall. Karou frowned. For a while he'd been in the habit of leaving the sword in his room. She realized she'd hardly seen him without it in arms' reach these last few weeks. Her frown deepened as she realized how many evenings lately Kenshin had retreated from the lively conversation inside to sit alone in the dark. The fact that she hadn't heard a single "oro" for the past couple of days nearly sent her into a panic, causing her to take a few steps out the door before she hesitated again. Kenshin was always so reserved, and she didn't want to intrude on his privacy. She knew that he fought his demons on a daily basis. However, this was the worst she had seen him so far. She took one more step and stopped again, uncertainty undermining her usual courage. "Kaoru-dono," his soft voice broke the silence, making her jump slightly in surprise. "Is something wrong?" [I seem to be asking that a lot lately.] "Kenshin...I was just going to ask you the same question." She closed the distance between them to sink to her knees at his side. He kept his head lowered, his hair falling forward to leave his face in deep shadow. Not answering her question, he sat silently for a few moments. Patiently, she waited for him to speak. Suddenly a loud shout, howls of pain and the sound of a body hitting the floor shattered their peaceful interlude. Running to the door, Karou peeped into the room. Finding Sanosuke on the floor with Yahiko earnestly trying to gnaw off his leg, Karou turned with a laugh. "Some day those two..." her voice trailed to a halt at the sight that met her eyes. The Battousai stood poised and ready, his sword hilt gripped firmly in his hand, only an instant away from being drawn. His battle ki seemed to cause his red hair to float restlessly around him, and his eyes gleamed cold amber. Passing her so quickly she hardly felt it, he entered the room. Silently his golden eyes surveyed every corner, trying to pinpoint the source of any possible danger. Eventually he became aware that everyone had gone completely still and silent, staring at him in amazement. Realizing what he was doing, he purposefully relaxed his stance, released his sword, and let the rurouni mask slide over his face once again. "Oro...we didn't mean to interrupt your fun, Yahiko, Sano. We thought someone was in trouble." He smiled his silly smile and prayed that they wouldn't question him. Now not, not tonight. Nights were always the hardest to bear.... "Kenshin..." "Kaoru-dono, I believe it is time I said good night." The finality in his tone forestalled any comments, as he entered the bedroom, and slid the door closed behind him. Avoiding her friends' questioning gazes, Kaoru paused to pick up the mirror before hurrying across the room to her own door. "Kenshin..." Her voice faltered on his name, then continued, "Kenshin is right. It's late and it's time for all of us to get some sleep." She entered her bedroom and quickly slid the door shut behind her. "Hey, wait a minute..." Yahiko began before he caught the shake of Sano's head. "But Sano, didn't you see?" "Come outside for a minute," the deep voice rumbled. Sano paused to lean against a porch post as he stuck his hands deep into his pockets. "What do you think you just saw," Sano questioned, watching the young boy closely. "Sano, you saw it! It was like Kenshin was somebody else. He..." His voice failed him a he stared at Sanosuke in shock. "That's right," Sano nodded. "Now tell me what you saw," he instructed a second time. "It was the Battousai!" "That's right, Yahiko. It was the Battousai. How do you feel about that?" Yahiko squirmed uneasily under Sano's intent gaze, aware that he was being tested, but not sure exactly what to say. "Well, it was the Battousai, but it was still Kenshin, right?" Sano waited silently for him to continue. "It was Kenshin...but..." Yahiko struggled with the words, trying to sort out his own feelings. He'd heard of the Hitokiri Battousai. Everyone had. He'd known that Kenshin and the Battousai were one in the same, but knowing it and seeing it were two different things. Sano leaned back on a post, and stared at the stars overhead, as he waited for Yahiko to find his own truth about Kenshin. Yahiko's inner struggle continued... [The Battousai...they say he killed so many people, that he was ruthless, bloodthirsty... The Hitokiri Battousai, Manslayer, Master of the Drawing Blade... But Kenshin is rurouni now. For the past 10 years he has helped others, like those people today. I was just a baby when he was Battousai. The Kenshin I know IS rurouni. He's given me so much. How can we help him?] "Sano...?" "Huh?" "Kenshin IS rurouni now. If he needs us, his friends, to help him fight the memories of the Battousai, then we have to help him any way we can. ANY way we can!" he finished adamantly. "Hmpf!" Sano grunted noncommittally, "what do you think WE can do?" "Anything we have to!" "Anything?" "Hell yes!" "And you think he's worth it - this killer? It's not gonna be easy, you know?" Sano watched Yahiko out of the corner of his eye, while seemingly gazing at the stars. Therefore, he was prepared when the boy launched himself at him, pummeling him with fists and feet. [Damn! This kid's not afraid of anything!] Between punches, Yahiko began to yell at Sano, "You asshole!! What kind of friend are you? How can you even ask if he's worth it? He's ten times better than you..." Sano's voice cut through the boy's tirade, effectively bringing it to a halt. "Calm down! Of course I think he's wrorth it, but you hadn't really thought about it yet." At Yahiko's mutinous expression, he continued, "you'd never really faced the fact that Kenshin and the Hitokiri Battousai are the same person. Now you have. You had to do that before you could really call yourself Kenshin's friend. You took a look at the whole truth, and made a decision you could stand by. Because believe me, this isn't going to be easy. If the Battousai comes to life again, someone could get hurt, maybe even killed. When you say 'do anything' you have to stop and think about what 'anything' means. Now you're ready to stand beside Kenshin." He reached out to ruffle Yahiko's hair, so much like his own. "But tonight, you're just ready to go to bed!!" "Sano?" "Yeah?" "Does Kaoru know?" "She knows." Sano left a slightly older and wiser Yahiko on the porch as he walked away into the dark. Yahiko stood for another moment, considering all the things he'd thought about this night. Then he too went inside to sleep the peaceful sleep of the innocent. Kenshin however, having left his innocence behind long ago, was sleeplessly staring at the ceiling above him. As he lay in the dark his mind replayed the days' events. He relived the sight of the would-be robber unconscious on the ground before him...of the feel of the rasp of breath at the back of his throat...the pounding of his pulse loud in his ears...of the almost maddening desire to rip his sakaba from its saya and... "The job isn't finished," the Battousai had whispered. "He may come back to harm someone else, maybe someone you care about. The sakaba sword could kill, it you wanted it to. Simply reverse your grip, and end this danger here...now..." Then Kaoru's commanding tones had drowned out the other voice, relaxed muscles quivering with tension, and returned him to the reality of the situation. The shock had been so great that his mind had briefly blocked his most recent memories from his consciousness...until he'd seen that face in the mirror. Seeing the Hitokiri Battousai's cold eyes glinting from the reflective surface was an affirmation of what he'd felt growing inside him recently. At times the memories were easier to put aside than at others. Sometimes he could escape the darkness for days before it returned, looming like a shadow monster from a child's nightmare. There was always a trigger - an overheard phrase, a smell, even the feel of a strangers' aura could bring his past back to him in horrifying, crystal detail. He'd felt the Battousai tunneling his way out of his prison, throwing open doors long closed, forcing feelings into the light that had been long buried, though never forgotten. He thought that Kaoru may have felt the change in him. She always watched him so closely. His senses, always acute, were keyed to a fever pitch these days. He could feel every person in the building, where they all lay in their beds. He had heard the soft mummer of Yahiko and Sano's conversation though not the words. Briefly he wondered what the normally laconic Sanosuke had found to discuss in such serious tones. He sighed in t he dark. Of course. What else would they be discussing? He'd seen the look in Sano's eyes when Battousai had burst into the room. Sano knew exactly what was happening to him, having faced his own demons in the past. He felt a moments curiosity about how Yahiko had dealt with the evenings' events, before his concentration focused on the sound of Kaoru's labored breathing. It sounded as if she were finally asleep, but not peacefully. Perhaps she was having a nightmare. Briefly he considered going to check on her, before just as quickly dismissing the idea. In Kaoru-dono's bedroom in the quiet of the night was not the place he needed to find himself right now. The words "I wish..." formed in his brain before he quickly squashed the thoughts that accompanied those words. He was well aware of Kaoru's feelings for him. After all, she really didn't know how to make a secret of them. Such an honest and caring person... He stiffened as the waves of pain and regret washed over his soul, pounding against his sore heart like a storm tide. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw against the urge to cry out in protest. He drew one ragged breath, and then another, before he found the control to face the realization of what he must do. If the Battousai was surfacing again, and all the signs were there, then it was time for him to go. He'd told Kaoru from the beginning that he didn't know how long he could or would stay. This was one of the reasons why. He'd never kill again. He'd made that vow to himself, and he would rather die than break it. But the Battousai was dangerous. His very presence seemed to invite catastrophe, to flirt with that thin line between life and death. He could not bring that kind of presence into this place, among those he...yes, those he loved. He admitted it with an almost fierce joy. He loved them all. Yahiko - the son of his heart, if not of his body; Megumi - the lost soul who was slowly finding her own way to redemption; Sanosuke - whose unpolished exterior hid a depth and insight that few would ever guess at; Dr. Genzai, Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan- completing the family he would do anything to protect. And Kaoru... In the darkness he allowed himself to drop the honorific and simply savor the whispered sound of her name. "Kaoru." For her no sacrifice was too great, no task too difficult. To keep her safe, he would break his vow without hesitation. The knowledge that killing again would mean the death of his last hope of salvation was irrelevant, when balanced against her well-being. She who he would strive to protect above all others...whose love he would honor in the best way he knew. Tomorrow he would leave this place. Part of him urged for a departure now, in the night, to avoid the pain he knew he would both cause and face the following day. But although Himura Kenshin was many things, coward was not one of them. He would saw his good-byes in the morning, and then become truly rurouni again, wandering the countryside where ever fate took him. He owed a good-bye to every one of those people that his thoughts had encompassed this night. He shrank from the task, but honor demanded it. Surely someday he could return. Surely some day he could force the Battousai down deeply enough into his past that he could never find his way out again. Surely someday... Saddened but resolute that his decision was the right one, as midnight gave way to the first hours of the new day, Kenshin finally slept. His dreams were once more tormented by the scenes of killing...again...and again...and again... The next morning, Kenshin made sure that the sakaba sword was secured around his waist before taking a last look around the room that had been his. The futon was neatly folded away, and there was really no trace that the room had ever been occupied. With a sigh, he turned and slid open the door. With regret at the pain he was about to inflict, he entered the kitchen where Kaoru was diligently trying to prepare breakfast. "Kaoru-dono, may I speak with you for a moment, please?" She turned around to greet him and the smile froze on her lips as she got a good look at his face. "K..kenshin...? No..." she began to shake her head. "Kaoru-dono, you knew this day might come. I am rurouni, as I told you when I first came here. I am a wanderer, and the time has come for me to go. Kaoru could only stand frozen as she listened to his words. As he continued to stand before her she could see his mouth moving, but could hear only a dull roaring sound. Finally, a single thought clicked into place. "It's the Battousai, isn't it?" "Oro!!" It was his turn to stand frozen in shock at her words. She shook her head in exasperation. "Kenshin, don't you think we know?" "You know? But..." Suddenly they were interrupted by a horrified cry from the courtyard. Running out to find the source of the cry, they discovered a pale Yahiko standing over a man's still form on the ground. A dark reddish-brown stain had formed under the body. After ascertaining that the man was dead, Kenshin gently rolled him over and stepped back with a stunned look on his face.. Kaoru gasped as she got a good look at the man's face. "Kenshin!! Isn't that one of the robbers from the road yesterday?" "Hai." Kenshin slowly turned to the silent boy beside him. "Yahiko, go and fetch the police, please." Kenshin and Kaoru stood silently as Yahiko trotted out of the Kamiya compound. "Kenshin...the marks on this man's body... They are sword cuts." "Hai." "Kenshin...do you recognize the pattern of those cuts?" "Hai." Looking in askance at his uncharastically short answers, Karou broached the next question very gently. "Kenshin...is it...?" "Hai, Kaoru-dono. The marks are very similar to the ones that would be caused by Ryu-Sou-Sen, one of the forms of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu." Turning to face her, he continued, "It seems I will not be going anywhere today after all, Kaoru-dono." She could find no comfort to offer as she stared into his bleak eyes. She simply took his hand and led him to the dojo steps. She sat close beside him as they awaited the arrival of the police. _______________END CHAPTER 1_______________ Sword forms: Ryu-Shou-Sen: This is the attack ending with a blow under the opponents' chin, knocking them out. (And usually dislocating the jaw, I would imagine.) Ryu-Sou-Sen: This attack involves multiple slashes to the opponent. (I thought it would make the most recognizable wound-pattern. Ugh! Sorry!) Free, fast e-mail accessible anytime, anywhere http://www.imaginemail.com --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- Win $25,000 and sign up for the drkoop.com health newsletter today Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------