Subject: [kffdisc] Aoshi/Misao Fic ~ Lilacs in your heart. Date: Sun, 11 Apr 1999 03:57:24 +0800 From: keiko Reply-To: kffdisc@onelist.com To: kffdisc@onelist.com From: keiko anyonewhowannasuekeepthemoneysumthinelse. A white frenzy of snow and ice hurtled on with an insatiable fury outside, the blizzard bitterly tossing deceptively harmless flakes of snow in a dizzing dance of death, the wind cutting through the firs its howling symphony of absolute solitude. Nothing tracked across this bleak landscape, and anything out there would not last the harshness for more than a minute without an enitre winter collection. Aoshi contemplated the force driving nature outside his windows without much emotion. His chin resting on his palm propped against the windowsill, he presented a picture of unnerving silence, an unmoving statue chiselled of ebony. He could hear that silent partner sometimes -- when he closed his eyes, and the world would fade to a mere dull of unregistered murmurs and vague voices -- in Its enticing steps and contricated fluid movements, always twirling, twirling in his heart. And sometimes those muted taps would turn into an insistent roar in his dreams, and Slience caped in solitude would come with its self loathe, doubts, and questions-always so many unanswered questions-to embrace him in a vicelike captive. Its hunger eternal. Its guises painfully true. Too many questions, and too little answers. How could someone who has not ackowledge having a heart feel? How could someone feel so much, yet not realise that agonising awakening? Answers he seek to questions he knew not yet. Aoshi closed his eyes wearily. He was tired. It had being a long day, with them travelling with two days without rest, and the race to reach the aoiya before the snow threatened to bury them. Aoshi stopped at that line of thought and frowned. Them? The single word had managed to unsettle a precarious balance between desperate bids to revert to the person he had been, and the doubts of change. It encompass so much meaning, so many layers, that the instant of unwavering certainty of the usuage of "them" in that sense...to think, without even him being aware, of Misa-- Aoshi pushed hinmself away from the window abruptly. When had his heart started aching threathening to burst? He--- Misao came in at that moment, having returted from the aoiya with two cups, a pot of tea and some rice cakes in a small miracle of gravity as she slid the door open a crack. It was an unvoiced question and Aoshi found that he could do nothing faced so suddenly with her wide blue eyes staring into his own, the aching in his heart suddenly taking a twist with renewed vigour. That, for better or for worse, was a confirmative and Misao brightened as she slid the door all the way open, and stepped in closing it after her as she set the tea down. "Konbanwa Aoshi-sama." Misao smiled as she poured tea for both of them, the clear liquid reflecting pools of light in her eyes. Aoshi found himself watching the light playing with the colour of her eyes, turing it from a bright blue to a whirlpool of variations. "tea.." Misao anounced truimphantly as she profered hinm a cup. "...." Misao watched him as he received the cup of steaming tea, his fingers ever so lightly brushing against hers. She hid her blush behind her hair as she sipped her tea, her heart warmed by something else. He watched her in the reflection in his cup, drinking as she drinks, his eyes shifting from an amber green to a dark blue as she suddenly raised her eyes to meet his. Both looked away at being caught staring, and she stammered over her words almost inperceptively "try the rice cakes -they're Omasu's, it's still the best." her blush tinged even brighter "I helped made some of them". The last came out unlike Misao's usual way at all, and Aoshi automatically reached for it even as Misao reached to hand him one-- the one that she ahd spent the whole evening in the kitchen preparing i her unacustomed way, nearly blowing up the kitchen handling it more like an opponent--and both end up with the same piece. It broke to two and Misao laughed as she took her half, the sound clear and beautiful amidst the mnuted chaos of the storm. "i remember when I used to break it in half to share my rice cake with you whenever Omasu made them. And you used to break yours for me when I thought that everything was finished." Aoshi remembered that too, how the half of the rice cake had always tasted sweeter. And he could remember as clearly as it had been yesterday, the others things as she was growing up. There was a fair passing through once, and he took her to buy her sweetened rice ablls on a stick. She had been overjoyed, her eyes sparkling under the stars by the river as she danced round him, shouting incoherently, her laughter bubbling out. Then when she had finally started to eat it, she stopped and said very seriously "Aoshi-sama, why don't you eat it first." and held it out like an innocent child. He would never forget how the sweetened balls tase like under the stars, or the innocence in her eyes, and the love, so evident, so alive, in her. Love that spread vast to others, but always and only, the most for him.Misao, lost in that memory too, bit into the sticky paste with a secret smile. There was a moment of silence in which words were redundant and Misao sneaked a peek at Aoshi, catching the subtle changes in his demeanour. A slight shift from his usual unreadable exterior to some thing more relaxed -- more trusting -- a change which would have gone oblivious to half the world for all Misao knew. He raised his eyes and for the longest moment, just looked at her,the inscrutable grey morphing into fathomless blue, the spark catching and flaring betweeen them for an eternity. Misao flushed, caught unaware by the sudden electric tension. When had the room grown so hot? "I should be going" Misao said, fumbling with her words, already rising to back toward the door. "Oyasumi,Aoshi-sama," Misao gave one last lingering smile before turning to go. "Misao" Aoshi kept his voice carefuly neutral, yet it must have betrayed him somewhat, for she halted immediately, turning to face him. "nani?" Silence answered her question, but Aoshi rose and took the tray away from her. "Don't go." Misao gasped sharply as her mind processed the meaning of that two word. "It's snowing too heavily." Was that faint dissappointment he saw on her face? "oh.." Misao silently berated herself. It was snowing too heavily, even for this part of Kyoto. Snow covered everywhere that she looked, and the muted storm outside gave a distinct warning of breaking branches as she listened. She shivered and Aoshi drew a little closer as they walked down the long corridors, stopping at her room for tonight. "G'nite Aoshi-sama" Misao said as she stiffled a yawn, smiling sleepily up at him. His mouth twitched up in the faintest suggestion of a smile, then he was gone, the doors sliding shut after him leaving Misao in wonder. Misao shook herself mentally. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~***~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~* *~ Aoshi lay awake long after they exchanged goodnights.The night was cool with the dull lull of the storm still going on strong outside, and there really was no reason he should be lying on his back staring up at the ceiling wide awake. He turned to contemplate the wall which seperated him from her on the other side. Her laughter earlier that night came back to haunt him, a sweet chorus in the silence, ringing in his head as clear as it had always been. If he were to close his eyes, he would see that laugh on her lips, the image lingering in his mind. For once he stopped trying to quench that thought, instead letting it settle down comfortably in his heart. He closed his eyes with the picture of Misao laughing as she held her tea and was trying to sleep when he heard Misao sneeze in her sleep. *~*~*~*~*~**~*~**~**~*~*~* MIsao curled up in her futon, snuggled against the chill that had started to settle in. The futon was warm and soft, and the blizzard outside muted enough to be a lullaby, but that was doing nothing to help her settle down. She closed her eyes trying to focus on sleep but the more she tries, the more she wondered . About Aoshi, about what he thought of her, about all the times she thought she caught him looking at her softly -- about his smile. She wanted to scream in mixed joy, trepidation and tension at this -- it was the middle of the night and she felt like jumping around from all that built-up energy. She sneezed in mid thought and cursed herself silently. Getting cold in here...Then she felt a pair of warm arms encircle her, banishing the chill like sunlight the night. MIsao went very still. Aoshi is hugging her. O Lord she dared not move an inch. Her breath was coming in short gasps, and she breathed his warm scent, the gentle brush of his hand in her hair sending thrills of shivers down her back. His free hand was around her waist and she unconsciously snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeel of his arms aruond her. She felt him nuzzle her hair and her breath caught in her throat. MIsao felt the steady thump of his heartbeat against her cheeks and realised that she was not the only one who couldn't breath. She felt her cheeks grow hot and wanted more than anything to turn around in his arms and kiss his cheeks, his nose, his eyes, the hollow beneath his adam's apple... but Misao only wrapped herself tighter Aoshi's arms and fell asleep in his warmth. Aoshi sighed silently when Misao didn't wake up. He carefully held her, feeling the fragility of what they have. He asked himself silently. When tomorrow comes she'll never know of this.... but he can't -- won't -- fathom not hearing her laugh, not seeing the light in her eyes, not feel her close by. And now with a sleeping Misao in his arms, and her scent of lilacs assailing his senses, it was harder -- a lot harder -- to ignore his heart screaming those thoughts out at him. Aoshi drew Misao closer and planted a ghost of a kiss on top of her silky hair. Let tomorrow bring what it may -- for now he has .... everything. Finished. alrite, that's was that. man..it's now 4 am and i stink like hell. readin over this first attempt, I found it rather short. [and it took me all of a week] ^^;; lord it was hard!! really sorry I haven't done a self-intorduction yet... KOnnichiwa~! thi's Koichiro here, new menmber of the wonderful Kenshin mailing list. Hope you enjoyed this fic.... wasn't much... but admist all that tests , this was the longest i could get out. Feeback tremendously welcomed at koichiro@pacific.net.sg. Thanx~! Ja, k ------------------------------------------------------------------------ To unsubscribe from this mailing list, or to change your subscription to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at http://www.onelist.com and select the Member Center link from the menu bar on the left.