Kenshinball: Second Inning
    by KenshinX29
 
Author's Warning:

"If you haven't either seen the anime up to episode 64 or read the manga up to vol. 18, you won't get any of the jokes."


SKIP:
We're back and ready to start the second inning. Coming up to bat is the heart of the order, featuring some dangerous opponents here for the swords.

BOB:
That's right Skip. Hen'ya may very well be outmatched here as he will have to face Seijuurou Hiko, Saitou Hajime, and Sagara Sanosuke in that order. You can imagine his releif that there are no runners on base.

SKIP:
True, Bob, but you have to remember the Heart of the 'Swords' order is aslo incredibly strong, featuring Shishio Makoto, Senkaku, and of course the most interesting batter in this game, Fuji. Ball 1 to Hiko.

BOB:
You have to admire the way Seijuurou can focus on the game. He has a careful eye on the ball, and is quick enough to get anything in the strike zone. It's no wonder he led the league in walks for two straight years. And he fouls off the next one down the third base line. 2 and 1 to Seijuurou Hiko.

SKIP:
You can almost tell that Seijuurou is just waiting for drama. Right now nothing's happening, most of the Kenshingumi doesn't use their full strengths unless absolutely necessary. We can look for exceptions from Sanosuke.

BOB:
The pitch, and...swung on and RIPPED down the third base line over Satojima Houji's head and it's a FAIR BALL! Seijuurou rounds first as Yuukyuuzan fields the ball! The throw to second, here's the slide...SAFE! Seijuurou Slides in with a double!

SKIP:
Brilliant power conservation on Seijuurou's part, it's only the second inning, he wasn't going to mess with Fuji out there in center and Satojima is the only fielder who really can't do much against anyone.

BOB:
That's right Skip, he was supposed to join Yumi on the cheerleading team but when the Kenshingumi signed Sawagejou Chou over, there was an opening at third base and Yumi wasn't about to wear a baseball jersey that would cover her shoulders.

SKIP:
And why would you want to cover shoulders like those?

BOB:
No idea Skip. A hush falls over the crowd as Seijuurou...can we call him Hiko? It's just easier...

SKIP:
I won't tell if you won't. Hiko takes a lead out towards third base, not his hobby but again, these guys can do anything in a pinch. Uh-oooh...Saitou Hajime has taken an interesting stance in the left batter's box...yes! It's his legendary Gatotsu stance!

BOB:
Hen'ya has never faced this kind of power before...

SKIP:
Worse for him is that his foot must be on the rubber strip on the pitcher's mound--Mills Lane can call a bawk and send Hiko to third if Hen'ya tries any of his aerial techniques. Here's the pitch to Saitou...and, THERE IT IS!! THE GATOTSU ZERO SHIKI!

BOB:
He sends the bat flying straight up the middle and over Hen'ya's head! But...where's the ball!

SKIP:
SETA CAUGHT THE BAT! HE CAUGHT THE BAT! Oh my god! The ball was impaled on the bat! Hiko is rounding third! Seta casually walks over to second and steps on it!

BOB:
Mills Lane is calling Hiko and Saitou OUT!! Saitou is lighting a cigarette and going to try to stare down the umpire! What's going on here?!

MILLS LANE:
I got no rules against throwing the bat so long as it doesn't hit no one, but the bottom line is, Seta caught the ball before it hit the ground. You lined out to shortstop, who caught the ball with Seijuurou off the base. Seta got there first, it's an unassisted 6-6 double play.

SKIP:
What a guy, Bob! Only Mills Lane can take control of these guys.

BOB:
That's right, Skip--they may have all the special techniques in the world, but how many of them are legal in baseball?

SKIP:
Well, so far Seta has the only practical ability here since there is no upper limit on how fast a player can run. What makes this an interesting match up is that this game is held down to the rules of Major League Baseball. And speaking of rules, Mills Lane is sending Sagara back to the dugout to get a regulation size bat.

BOB:
We all knew he'd try to bring the Zanbat into the game, though it'll probably break anyway.

SKIP:
We can expect Sagara to have a hard time hitting things now with his bat several times smaller. The pitch...swing and a miss strike one.

BOB:
We really have to commend Usui for doing an excellent job behind the plate. Even though he can't see, he's using his Shin Gun technique to hear the air being displaced when the ball gets near him.

SKIP:
Gotta love the turtle shell chest guard also. Oooh, swing and a miss strike two to Sagara.

BOB:
Hen'ya knows a thug when he sees one. Sagara has Anji's problem, except even fastballs are slipping by him. Hen'ya could be looking at his third strikeout here..the pitch, and swing and a miss strike three...USUI DROPS THE BALL! Sano bolts for first base and Usui is still looking for the ball! Hen'ya dashes for it! Usui grabs the umpire's foot by mistake and Sano is safe on first base!

SKIP:
That was amazing there, Bob. If you look carefully on the replay, Sagara kicked his right foot back at the right moment to create a rush of air to draw Usui's glove. In the confusion of the ball and Mills Lane moving, Usui couldn't find the ball in time with all that dust moving around, and it bought Sano enough time to go to first.

BOB:
Uh oh...Saizuchi is coming out to argue the call.

SAIZUCHI:
There are three reasons Sagara should be out. One, he did strike out. Two, He pulled a dirty trick. Three, Usui is blind, thus Sagara's trick nearly resulted in you getting thrown to first. Right, Fuji?

FUJI:
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

MILLS LANE:
I warned you guys at practice. Usui says he don't want no handicaps, so he gets no handicaps. There's nothing in the rule book against an odd kickback on the swing. You don't like it, get yourself a catcher with eyes. Now do you want me to send you to the showers, or are we gonna GET IT ON!

SKIP:
There you have it, the official takes control of another situation, letting Makimachi Misao up to bat with Sagara on first.

BOB:
Sagara never a threat to run, but there are two outs and he'll probably go on a 3-2 pitch. Swung on and popped up behind home plate into the box seats. Usui takes his catcher's mask off as if it would help him see the ball better.

SKIP:
Those are the box seats reserved for people who cared about the OJ Trial AND the Clinton trial I beleive.

BOB:
Yes they are, Skip. All 13 of them are being tortured by watching this game. By nature they find boring what the rest of us find exciting.

SKIP:
Jeez, strike two to Makimachi.

BOB:
I think it's hard for her to see the ball with those hearts in her eyes. The thought of helping Shinomori Aoshi win this game is making her giddy. Sagara must realize this, from the disgusted look on his face.

SANOSUKE:
Yo! Misao! Aoshi says he really likes you and wants to see you after the game!

MISAO:
REALLY?! HEHE <3

SKIP:
Makimachi is standing there drooling! Here's the pitch, and THERE GOES SAGARA, trying to give Makimachi time to snap out of it! It's out of the stike zone, Here's the throw from Usui to Seta, and...OUT! Sagara is caught stealing second base and that's it for the Kenshingumi.

BOB:
Perfect throw from Usui, about 2 steps in front of Sagara, Seta is right where he had to be as usual, and that's that. After 1 1/2 innings of play, still, no score.

***

:::scene--desert. A boisterous, loud, colorful, white American cowboy enters from stage left:::
Yeeeeee-haw! Are you tired of that ol' nag! Can't stand people sayin' your horse can't outrun your grandma? Well come on down to DISCOUNT ROCKO'S HAPPY HORSE EMPORIUM. We got it all, at low low prices! Need a carriage puller? No problem. NEED A HORSE THAT CAN JUMP FROM BOAT TO BOAT TO BOAT? We breed our boatjumper's special, just for you! Listen to this one satisfied customer:

KENSHIN:
There were pirates everywhere, and I needed to make a dramatic entrance de gozaru. I can't waste all my good stuff on filler episodes, so I needed something loud...something that screams "darnit I don't wanna kill everyone because it's too simple. de gozaru." So, I got myself a boatjumper from DISCOUNT ROCKO'S HAPPY HORSE EMPORIUM, and I was able to take out the pirates de gozaru. But people still thought the episode--

COWBOY:
THERE! Ya heard it from a satisfied customer. So don't waste time, come to DISCOUNT ROCKO'S HAPPY HORSE EMPORIUM!
(Exists immediately off-camera)

***

SKIP:
We're back, as Shinomori finishes his warmups. Shinomori Aoshi, brought up from the Okashira League in '92, has just been a dominant pitcher in the starting rotation all season long.

BOB:
Right again, Skip, his numbers are impressive--Last season he won 18 of his last 20 decisions, keeping a 1.86 ERA throughout the whole ordeal. To think the Bakumatsu League kept him on the bench before he signed with the Oniwa Senators.

SKIP:
You just never know. Here, we go, about to get underway with one of the two losses on Shinomori's record--the indestructable Shishio Makoto. Hey, what's this? His shoe is on fire!

SHISHIO:
AAAAAA! PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!!

BOB:
Ha ha ha, it looks like Myoujin Yahiko gave him a hotfoot...what a prankster.

SKIP:
And look at Shishio hop around. What a sight that is.

BOB:
Shishio is not happy right now, he's got the fire out, but he is trying to stare down the 11-year old catcher.

SKIP:
You have to understand that Shishio is still burned from that hotfoot injury 11 years ago in the Bakumatsu League. That had to bring back some painful memories. Mills Lane is helping him regain enough composure to stand in the batter's box and not kill Myoujin.

BOB:
Here's the pitch...ooooooh, what a swing and a miss by Shishio.

SKIP:
He's still shaken up, I mean he spun his body all the way around on that swing there. I think Shinomori and Myoujin have figured out a way to strike this guy out.

SHISHIO:
NO! NO! GO AWAY! NOT THE BULLETS! NO! NO FIRE! NO BULLETS!! MAKE IT STOP!! AAAAAAAA!!

BOB:
He thinks they're bullets, Skip.

SKIP:
Yeah, I don't know how many times they shot him before, but all Shinomori needed was three baseballs, and Shishio goes down on strikes. What a disappointment.

BOB:
Looks like Saizuchi and Fuji are coming out to drag Shishio back to the dugout to calm him down. And here comes Fuji to the plate, stepping back into the stadium.

SKIP:
Now, there is no upper limit on height in the Major Leagues, but there is a lower limit, which means Saizuchi can't bat. But, Umpire Mills Lane has ruled that it is unfair for Fuji to run since he can reach second without taking his foot off of first.

BOB:
The Kenshingumi agreed to let Fuji in the game in Saizuchi will run for Fuji, but Fuji gets to bat anyway.

SKIP:
Right now they're waiting for Saizuchi to help Yuukyuuzan Anji, Satojima Houji and Yumi to finish wrapping Shishio up in bandages until he calms down.

BOB:
While they're waiting, Myoujin will have to climb up to the mezzamine level to catch, there's no way Fuji can swing that low without hitting Mills Lane and Myoujin.

SKIP:
They're getting into place, and the throw...Fuji, swing and a miss stike one!

BOB:
That was a major pitching challenge for Shinomori. He now has to make the 200-foot throw to Myoujin, and he can't deviate too far from that point. Remember, that's 333% farther than a pitch is supposed to go.

SKIP:
It's no picnic for Fuji either, he is still required to use a regulation-sized bat. It must be like trying to swat a mosquito with a pencil.

BOB:
What's worse is that third strike pitch. Nearly anything Shinomori throws will be in the strike zone, but if Myoujin can't catch the ball on the third strike, the ball will already be lost in the stands and Fuji will have a grounds rule double.

SKIP:
Should Fuji connect though, even if he hits the ball downward, it may very well go over the fence. Here's the pitch...

BOB:
Swung on line-drive to right field! Sagara is running back, back, to the warning track...I don't think he's gonna make it!

SKIP:
He's punching the floor! A wave of dirt is gathering up and it blocks the ball! It falls down into Sagara's glove!

BOB:
It was a creative use of Futae no Kiwami, but someone really should have told him.

SKIP:
Yes, tell camera #2 go get a good shot at the anger on Sagara's face as Mills Lane tells him that throwing objects up to interfere with a ball is an automatic triple. Let's turn the mic over to the umpire for an official ruling.

MILLS LANE:
The right fielder did interfere with the ball, so usually the call is for an automatic triple. BUT, that ball was clearly headed over the fence to begin with. Outfielders are not allowed to reduce a sure-fire homer down to a triple just 'cause they can throw accurately. IT'S A HOME RUN! 1-0 Juppongatana lead!

BOB:
He's got a valid point there.

SKIP:
You have to love the way Mills Lane deals with players that use the rule books we give them to balance the broken chairs in their houses, Bob.

BOB:
Major upset for the Kenshingumi as Senkaku steps up to try to do some more damage.

SKIP:
This can cause major damage now, with only one out and Satojima still up to bat. If Senkaku reaches, we could have a sizeable lead building up here.

BOB:
The pitch from Shinomori, and, it's inside, ball 1.

SKIP:
He almost hit him there, Bob.

BOB:
That was pretty close, you're right and...ooooh! Another inside ball 2.

SKIP:
He really had to wrench his body out of the way quickly there. Another one inside! Ball 3.

BOB:
He nearly twisted his own body there Skip. Here comes the next pitch, and...jammed him but Senkaku rips it down the third base line! Senkaku rounds first base as Saitou tracks down the ball...NO HOPE AT SECOND! Look at that speed he's going for third! Saitou relays to Kenshin, Kenshin gets in front of him and Senkaku's in a rundown! He pulls a 180 and heads back for second! Sawagejou Chou is there! Kenshin flips to Chou, another sharp turn by Senkaku! Chou flips it to Kenshin! Senkaku spins again and...HE FELL! Kenshin makes the tag and Senkaku is OUT!

SKIP:
Senkaku isn't getting up, I think he might have activated an old ankle injury.

BOB:
I think they did it on purpose, Skip. There is no rule against it, but if you look at the replay you can see the pressure put on his ankle from the inside pitches. It looks like they were trying to stop him from stealing bases, but Senkaku just did himself in by getting into a rundown.

SKIP:
Kenshin and Saizuchi are helping him hop off the field now...it look like he's going to be ok, probably just a sprain or something.

BOB:
Dr. Megumi Takani is heading to the 'Swords dugout to take a look at it. She can probably have him ready to play the field next inning.

SKIP:
Up to bat now is Satojima Houji. We are in the bottom of the second, two out, nobody on, 1-0 Swords lead.

BOB:
Satojima is not a very eventful batter, like we said he was supposed to be the cheerleading coach...and ball 2 as Satojima gets ahead in the count 2-1.

SKIP:
Aoshi is really out of the woods now, but if Satojima or anyone next inning reaches first, we could have a tense situation when Seta steps back up to the plate.

BOB:
The 2-2 pitch, ground ball to third, Makimachi is there, and, Satojima is out at first, Kamiya with her second putout of the game. At the end of 2, it's the Juppongatana 1, the visiting Kenshingumi 0. We'll be back after these words, from Sakabeer.

***
:::scene: bar, two angry guys disgusted over a sake bottle:::
#1:
Man! This sake sucks!

#2:
I know! I'm barely getting a buzz!

KENSHIN:
Nothing can be more annoying than forcing down a disgusting beer and not even getting plastered de gozaru. One day, Sano tried to get me drunk with some third rate sake de gozaru. After I kicked his 'oro' for giving me cheap stuff, I went out for a nice, cold, SAKABEER. de gozaru.

#1:
Wow Kenshin! This stuff tastes great!

#2:
Yeah...*hic*...best part is, the room looks upside down!

KENSHIN:
Sakabeer contains scientific elements to actually reverse your liver's alchohol-killing process. It'll turn your world upside down! :::Kenshin chugs the beer::: Ahhhhh ^_^x ororororoooo~ :::Kenshin passes out, fade to black:::



 

Back to KenshinX29's fics