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Kaoru's head bowed with the irresistable weight of weariness. Ever since the sun had begun to set, she'd been forced to fight off sleep again. The quiet of the darkening room lulled her, but the soft sound of the nearby sleeper's breathing gave her reason to struggle on. Though it was deeper now, no longer shallow and ragged as it had been that morning, she was scarcely consoled. She would not be until she knew for certain that the danger had passed.
The noise of voices, footsteps, and the clatter of plates reached her ears as the Shirobeko restaurant downstairs welcomed its evening customers. Gratitude filled her, as it had countless times that day, that Sae had been willing and able to take in their bedraggled band of warriors, not only the Kamiya Dojo four from Tokyo, but the newly-homeless Oniwabanshuu, whose Aoiya had been half-wrecked in the battle with Shishio's Juppongatana.
She winced as she heard a dish crash to the floor, hoping rather weakly that it hadn't been Sanosuke or Yahiko's doing, and glanced down at the sleeper before her. Perhaps the noise would wake him, she thought briefly. Or the smell of food...worry assailed her as she paused to think of when it was he had last eaten. No wonder he was skinny as a girl, she thought, with fleeting exasperation, what with never eating, and then driving himself nearly to death like this...to death like this....
She closed her eyes firmly. She would not think that. It served no purpose, and was foolish besides. Of course he would wake up. Any minute now.
Sighing, she tilted her head back and to the side in the hopes of soothing her aching neck. She supposed she ought to change out of her kimono. A borrowed Aoiya yukata would be much more comfortable, but today, somehow, in spite of her wounds from the fight yesterday, she had wanted to dress properly. It reassured her that the worst was over, that life was going to go on normally once again. They would all go home together and--
"Jou-chan."
She flinched in surprise at the familiar spike-crowned head that appeared though the doorway. Lost in weary thought, she had not even noticed the footsteps approaching. For someone who had taken everything Sanosuke claimed to have at Shishio's fortress, he was looking remarkably energetic. Well, she thought, her lips twisting, he had also slept nearly all day. Unlike some.
"You still up?" The gruff voice was remarkably soft. "Oi. You oughtta get some sleep. Go to bed."
It was not the first time the suggestion had been made to her. She ignored it as she had the rest.
"I'm fine. What are you doing up here? The food's downstairs." She frowned, eyes sparking in spite of her tiredness. "Was it you I heard down there breaking things?"
"Chi." Sano snorted and gnawed his fishbone amiably. "That was the crazy old man. He's partying a little too hearty for a guy in his condition." His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized her, seeing the shadows beneath her eyes, the hunch of her shoulders. "Jou-chan, you're not doing anybody any good with this. He wouldn't want to have you--"
"I'm staying here," she said quietly.
Sanosuke sighed at the predictable response. None of them had managed to budge her yet, but he'd figured she must be wearing down by now. "Look, he's going to be fine, he just--"
"I'm staying here." She bit the ends off the words this time, sitting rigidly straight, holding her chin high as she stared fiercely at the far wall. The hard determination of the kenjutsu master was in her eyes, and he realized no words from him would persuade her. Beneath that rigidness, though, he could sense the trembling. He bowed his head, admitting defeat. There was no subbornness like love.
"All right. But you can stop worrying. He's not gonna up and die on you."
The stern chin lowered and quivered a little; she looked as if she were trying very hard not to cry.
Sanosuke sighed again. "Listen. I didn't tell everyone about this before, but at the very end of the fight with Shishio, he was down, and bleeding all over the place." He nodded towards the wounded swordsman lying in bed. "I really didn't know if he'd make it. Then all of a sudden he jumped up yelling, saying 'I can't die, I won't die, somebody is still waiting for me to come back.' And he fought and won." Sanosuke eyed her, smiling a little at her astonishment. "So keep waiting if you want to, but quit worrying, all right?" He stood and retreated down the hallway, vanishing from her sight. "I'm gonna go see if Yahiko ate all the dessert yet."
She stared after him, blinking, then turned to gaze down at her silent companion again. "Ore no...kaeri wo matteru hito...?" she whispered, repeating Sanosuke's words. "Waiting for me...?" Something wet traced a path down her cheek, and she blinked rapidly. Stupid, it was stupid to be crying. She had no real reason to cry.
The light from outside was nearly gone. She sat, looking down at him. The dimness softened his features, blurring the sharpness of the cross scar on his cheek. There would be new scars soon: the two on his neck, from Shinomori's kodachi; the long slice across his back from Soujirou; the horrible gash in his shoulder where, Sanosuke said, Shishio Makoto had bitten him; and the stab in his side from a sword bathed in a woman's blood. But all those would heal, she told herself, they would fade in time. If they could have that time, just a little. He needed it.
With one trembling hand she reached out and stroked a strand of red back from his face. From now on I'm keeping all government officials far away from you, she vowed. I will trust no more police officers bearing katanas. I'll borrow Megumi's collar if I have to, no matter what it takes--she closed her eyes, shaking a little with laughter. Some of the tension drained out of her then, and as it did the laughter changed to half-sobs. She bent over, unable to sit up straight any longer. Her ponytail tumbled down over her shoulder, hiding her face from the light. Sanosuke was right, she thought; she needed sleep. This was childish and silly. Another tear, then another escaped her brimming eyes and dampened her cheeks. She wiped them away, only to have others replace them.
And you think of yourself as strong, the shihandai part of her scoffed, full of scorn. Do you want him to wake up to see you crying?
I just want him to wake up, the rest of her answered. That's all. Her eyes closed without her willing it; her head sagged. Exhaustion pressed down on her, pushing her towards the tempting darkness of sleep. She had nearly succumbed when she heard a slow indrawn breath and a slight shift in the blankets near her. Another moment, and warm fingers brushed against her hand.
"Kaoru...dono..."
Her eyes flew open. His face was tilted toward her, his violet eyes blinking away the haze of sleep and confusion as he gazed at her. When he saw the glint of wetness of her face, his brow creased as if from pain.
"Kaoru-dono...I'm sorry...I made you worry..."
Hearing him voice the old refrain, however weakly, filled her at once with warm relief. She clasped his hand between hers and pressed it to her cheek.
"It's all right," she whispered when she could speak again. "You're hurt, you don't need to talk."
He murmured a wordless acknowledgement of that--the hurt part, at least--but was unsatisfied. "You've... been crying..." He tried to brush away the wetness, but his fingers shook clumsily. "I never...mean to make you cry."
"Shh, don't try to move. I'm all right. Everyone's all right." She smiled, and he felt almost dizzied. Her words reassured him, though he could scarcely believe them. Memories of flames, explosions, the smell of smoke, and the crash of falling debris disturbed his thoughts. The fortress...destroyed? Obviously Sanosuke and Aoshi had gotten them out, or he would not be here. With a little effort, he remembered being draped over Sanosuke's arm like a dead man as they pounded through corridors, each footstep echoing through his body as a bolt of pain.
The pain was bearable now. His wounds were bandaged; he was warm, safe, in a clean soft bed. And she was near. That was perhaps best of all.
It all seemed too comforting, too fortunate to be real. He persisted in expecting more casualties. "Yahiko... Misao-dono... minna wa--"
"Everyone's fine. You're hurt the worst. Since Sanosuke brought you back you've slept all night and all day." She blinked more tears away and sat up, still smiling. "I should go tell them you're awake--"
"No...no," he whispered, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. "Please...give me...a little while." It felt as if the very effort of waking up had exhausted him again, and he quailed at the thought of facing the fervent attentions of all his friends at once. "The quiet...is nice."
She nodded, selfishly glad of the request. For just a little while, she thought. She reached out with her free hand to stroke his brow, wishing she could do more to soothe him. Earlier she had written to Megumi, knowing well enough that the young doctor would come to their aid as swiftly as she could. Kenshin deserved that kind of care, though it galled Kaoru a little that she would not be the one to give it. That was unworthy, she supposed. Well, he was hers alone for a little while.
He lifted his head a little at her touch, smiling faintly. When his fingers curled around hers and tightened, she felt as warmed as if he had put his arms around her and drawn her near.
"I'm... glad you're safe," he whispered. "When Anji told us that Shishio had sent his men here, I was so angry. Even though I had thought he might, I was still so angry..."
"We beat them." Hearing the tinge of pride in her voice, he could not help but chuckle inwardly, in spite of all his fear for her. "The last one had us worried," she was saying, "but then your master came." Her fingers were light on his forehead as she spoke to him. "We'll tell you all the stories later. Just rest now, ne?"
"Aa," he murmured, gazing upward. There was stillness for a while, with no sound but their breathing. It was almost too dark to see. Then again, he hardly needed to see to know that she was beautiful. His lips curved again in a slight smile. It felt good to smile, he thought. It felt good...to have a reason to smile. Now, he thought, I have kept all my promises. They might not have returned to Tokyo yet, but this was the thing that mattered. He had promised her he would come back, and he had.
Another memory surfaced: the sight of her standing by the river, hair unbound, ribbon in her hand. "If you don't return it to me yourself, I'll never forgive you." His own bewilderment and surprise at her insistence seemed laughable in hindsight. He closed his eyes, thinking that she needed no ribbon now. He was tethered just as surely.
She felt the fingers curled around hers slacken, and realized she had to release him again. It was all right, she thought. The leaving she could weather, as long as she knew he'd be back.
In the darkness she leaned down to him and breathed his name.
"Kenshin?"
He murmured sleepily. She smiled and whispered, "Oyasumi nasai."
His mind formed the words, although his lips could not quite. But it seemed to him, as he slipped again into darkness, that somehow she would hear them anyway.
"Oyasumi...de gozaru."
Notes:
anata no kaeru basho--"the place you return to;" also a song title
yukata--a light cotton kimono, worn like a robe around the house
ore no kaeri wo matteru hito--the full text of Kenshin's line is "Ore ni wa mada ore no kaeri wo matteru hito ga iru n da!" It can be translated as "There are still people waiting for my return," but as "hito" can be either plural or singular, I prefer the latter interpretation.
shihandai--acting or subsitute master; Kaoru's title as a kenjutsu instructor
minna wa--"everyone is--"
oyasumi nasai--good night
Rurouni Kenshin and all related characters belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shueisha, Sony Entertainment, et al. This unworthy (and destitute) author is merely borrowing.