Subject: [kffdisc] Aoshi/Misao Vidfic - N'Sync Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 09:40:20 EST From: "Larraine Lage" Reply-To: kffdisc@onelist.com To: kffdisc@onelist.com From: "Larraine Lage" Hi everybody! I've been lurking for a terribly long time and I finally was able to write something up. I was totally inspired by all the songfics which were excellent and figured I'd add mine. And this is a direct result of what happens when you read all ten parts of Tin's Of Love and Honor in one sitting. ;p I'm embarrassed enough that I even _like_ and N'Sync song, much less enough to write a whole story around it, but I just kept writing and writing... All I have to say is...please be kind. ^_^; This is actually my first attempt at even publishing a fic. Just to let everyone know, there is one mention of a Kyoto spoiler in it, but I don't think it's even enough to consider a spoiler. Better safe than sorry. :) Here goes! Standard Disclaimer: I know, I know, they're not mine. Just borrowing them 'cause I feel WAFFy. All RK characters belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Sony, anything Sony related, and all their corporate thugs. N'Sync's song I'm sure belongs to somebody that isn't me, I just don't know who it is. VID-FIC - LARRAINE LAGE (GOD MUST HAVE SPENT) A LITTLE MORE TIME ON YOU - N'SYNC Aoshi sat quietly in the middle of the shrine's room, waiting for the sun to shine, for his day to begin. The clouds in the far horizon were a soft glow of pinks and reds, the promise of another hot day this summer. But for now, he merely sat in the traditional seiza position, his body relaxed but expectant, hovering in a sense of anticipation as he sat in the dark. The sun very hesitantly sent out a thin tendril of light, testing the outside world as if waiting for a reason to shine. So both man and star sat across from each other, each waiting. There was a soft knock on the shoji, quickly followed by the rasp of wood and paper as the door slid open. Aoshi turned his head to acknowledge the newcomer. Her head popped in the opening, then, satisfied that all was well, made her way in, precariously balancing on one hand a tray of teapot, two cups, and tea powder. Shifting the clumsy weight back to two hands, she presented her offering to the seated man, who nodded in return. "Ohayo, Aoshi-sama." With that, Misao smiled, a sun rising in full force to greet the dawn, a signal to the once hesitant orb outside, both filling the room with a warm, bright light. The day had begun. Can this be true Tell me can this be real Misao gingerly lowered herself to her knees with the tray, placing it between them with only a soft clink of wooden tray against wooden floor to betray her. How can I put into words what I feel? Aoshi watched her raptly, Misao completely unaware as she placed her full concentration into the informal morning tea ceremony she started before her. The measuring of the tea into the two small cups, the hiss of hot steam as she poured the water, the whisk of the brush as she mixed everything together. My life was complete I thought I was whole It had grown easy to lose himself here, in this shrine, meditating the day away, finding peace in the solitude of this lonely place. It was easy to escape the outside world, the guilt, the silent accusations, the harshness that reality offered. Why do I feel like I’m losing control? But it proved to be an empty peace. Offering a temporary solution, but one that faded as quickly as he left his sanctuary. But one took solutions where they were available. And even when that little peace was gotten, it seemed to draw to him a distraction that dared to defy everything he sought and gained here. And yet... Never knew that love could feel like this And you changed my world with just one kiss "Hai, Aoshi-sa--" Misao quickly brought up the tea cup, almost stumbling as a pair of piercing blue eyes stared back at her, realizing in the tantalizing nearness that perhaps she had set herself down too close to him. A fiery flush invaded her skin, and it took all her training to will it back to a less embarrassing shade. She smiled brightly to cover her slip of emotions, trying, for once, to offer him a little of the distance that he so often seemed to crave. How can it be That right here with me There’s an angel He accepted the cup without a word, turning back to stare out the window ahead of him. The rising sun was blinding, stunning his vision with its bursting light, but nowhere near as powerful as the force that sat kneeling beside him, filling him with a turbulence that shattered everything yet left him entire. It’s a miracle As she always did, every morning. Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep He sat that way with her, basking in her glow, enjoying the companionable silence that she offered for these few moments. The only sound to permeate the morning stillness was the occasional sounds of imbibement, even then engulfed by the omnipresent stillness. Your soul is like a secret That I never could keep Misao shifted, resting on her hip and allowing her still-folded legs to stretch out a little on her right side. After a few moments, she shifted again, finding the stillness stifling. As the moments stretched on, she changed her position slightly yet again. Aoshi wondered absent-mindedly how long she would last. Such stoic creatures as quiet and stillness were never her allies, and she was quick to loathe anything that might threaten to dam her tireless river of energy. He couldn’t also help but wonder where the attraction lay for her here. "Ne... Aoshi-sama..." Misao finally broke, settling for stretching out her legs in front of her, both hands holding onto her cup as if it might fly away at any moment. When I look into your eyes I know that it’s true He didn’t turn his head at his spoken name, but only let his eyes wander to look at the girl seated besides him. No, no longer a girl, but very much a woman, a lithe body and even longer legs that spoke of a tender shoot that was just on the verge of becoming a resplendent tree. God must have spent Deep pools of blue looked to him expectantly, wide and trusting, placing her heart and her soul in his care. He would never understand how or why she trusted him so. She waited for an unspoken word of rebuke for having betrayed his shroud of silence. He merely continued to watch her, betraying no emotions. She sighed in relief and closed her eyes, then turned to look back out the window. "It’s going to be nice today. It shouldn’t be too hot, I don’t think. It was really bad yesterday, and I was talking to Omasu..." the words drifted to sound as he returned to his unfocused survey of the outside. "And Jiya said..." The musical tone of her voice carried him to a far away place. A little more time on you * * * * * It was an eleven-year-old Shinomori Aoshi that stared at the woman seated next to him as if he was waiting to be beheaded. His breaths refused to move beyond his lips. Emotions warred within him, the uncertainty and near panic he felt as she offered him the small package to hold, coupled themselves with a curiosity that kept growing as he kept watching. Katanas, he knew. With kunai he was more than proficient. He was even learning the skill of the nitou-ryu, his leader’s preffered double-kodachi fighting technique. This, however... in this, he had no experience. So all he could do was offer this lady, his leader’s daughter, an experienced Oniwabanshuu herself, his trained blank stare and a physical stillness to rival a statue. "Aoshi-kun, I can’t say she won’t bite you, but I can assure you, Misao is certainly no danger to you." The woman’s voice was calm, even peaceful, but her clear blue eyes were enjoying even the unworded taunts with an almost sadistic glee. She offered her bundle for Aoshi to hold once more, and waited. All he could do was stare at the small squirming object, smiling and gurgling with clear blue eyes not unlike her mother’s. "Aoshi-kun, all warriors will learn about death, the taking of a life, all the realities that come with such a position as ours." Her voice now held a more serious tone, but soft, a lecture given, but not without sympathy. "But almost none of them will ever learn why they fight--the only reason anyone needs to fight. Life is a precious gift. Hold her. She can teach you something, if you wish to learn." So, if only to appease her, he gingerly took in the little Misao, taking cues, with a mechanical detachment, in the art of holding a baby. In all of creation All things, great and small Aoshi sat with the baby Misao quietly in the palace gardens, trying to make sense of what he had been forced into. Misao had now settled herself in his arms, never letting the smile fade from her face, radiating warmth that would dare to penetrate his unease. He looked down on his burden, not entirely sure as to what he would find. She stared back at him, a ready baby laugh on her lips, enjoying the moment for all it was worth. You are the one That surpasses them all He allowed himself to be swallowed in the moment as well, finding himself enjoying the girl’s company easily, unashamedly sighing, releasing any tensions he had been carrying inside. Misao fidgeted restlessly, and he reacted almost instinctively, bringing her body higher on his, bringing his arms in closer about her, trying to close even the smallest distance that might separate them. She calmed immediately, and the peace they shared resumed, immersing them both in the calm of a summer mid-day. He resented even the movement of breathing, the distraction of the warm breeze around them, that it might, even in the slightest, disrupt the harmony he felt, trying to completely immerse himself in it, that he might never forget the feeling in which it left him. More precious than Any diamond or pearl But little Misao was not one to sit quietly for too long. She began to fidget from her horizontal perch, and soon was fighting to get herself upright in the arms of a very inexperienced keeper. Aoshi's eyes widened, panic written all over his face as his charge was now in immediate danger of jumping from his grasp. Aoshi reluctantly returned Misao into the arms of her mother. But rather than take the child, she instead settled Misao on Aoshi's lap, allowing the dainty one-year old her newly preferred seated position. The newest Makimachi laughed at him in some private joke, and all he could do was stare down at her. Her hand came up, five tiny fingers sprawled as she reached out, uncoordinated movements turning it into a wild gesticulation. He worriedly lowered himself to her trying to follow her pointing towards where her attention lay. They broke the mold When you came in this world For not the first time that day, his breath caught in his throat as he felt a tender touch to his cheek, a small hand reaching his face, but taking his heart instead. Young and younger met face to face, the smaller so contented as to smile widely, her eyes closing in sheer happiness. Aoshi, warmed by the moment, allowed himself a moment of weakness, the hints of a smile taking over his eyes and his lips. At this Misao squealed delightedly as if just given the greatest gift. And so the two sat like that for some time, each enjoying the other more. And I'm trying hard to figure out Just how I ever did without "Aoshi-sama... Aoshi-sama..." His eyes blinked as he was dragged back to the present, a gentle tapping on his forehead that also held a certain insistence. Blue met blue again, and it was Aoshi's turn to be taken aback, if only for a mere second, for a closeness once again he had not been expecting. But his only betrayal was a slight widening of his eyes, an appearance expecting more a reason for intrusion than to portray actual surprise. "What?" It was the only reasonable response he could give to the eyes that crossed in irritated displeasure as they fought to get his attention. "You didn't answer me." She sat back on her heels in front of him, far enough to let him breathe, but close enough to encroach on what little distance he had left. "Kaoru-san invited us to Tokyo to visit her and the baby. You didn't say if you'd come too." He could only stare in silence. The warmth of your smile The heart of a child Misao clasped her hands before her heart, relishing the idea of visiting old friends once more. "She's already a year old! And you still owe Himura tea--." She laughed heartily, trying to imagine the more graceless rurouni seated in the still contemplation that Aoshi preferred. That's deep inside Leaves me purified Aoshi let himself be swallowed in the pleasant ringing, the joyful noise that always washed over everything and left only a pure peace in its wake. He might never have known the vital part she played had he never learned the despair he felt when she had been hurt by his hand. The final fight with Battousai had taught him that. Every tear shed would be a painful scar for him, and so he relished every peal of laughter, both past and present, and there found his soul. So he sat and watched her like this, filling his heart with all of her. Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep Misao let the laugh drift off to a silent smile, now fighting the heat that rose to her cheeks, sitting here in this silent showdown between the waterfall and the rock. He wasn't even staring at her that hard, he was just--staring. She smiled again, widening it enough to close her eyes. If she didn't stare back, she wouldn’t get embarrassed. If she didn't get embarrassed, she wouldn't show it. The silence stretched out. Your soul is like a secret That I never could keep Wait a minute! Why should she be embarrassed?! It wasn't like her feelings for him were anything to keep secret. She had never tried before. She opened her eyes fully and looked straight at him. He just continued to watch her. So she watched him. Wasn't there an answer she was waiting for? He had made a promise to Himura after all. She wasn't sure she that she would get one, but she could do this. She could outwait the rock. When I look into your eyes I know that it's true He watched Misao for a little while longer, the way she would blush prettily, then not, then try to cover it up as it rose again. Definitely more interesting than watching the sun rise. Watched beautiful blue eyes that mirrored an even more beautiful soul. He supposed he should give her an answer, but was so loathe to ruin what he had found that he instead decided to watch her silently. He could tell her later, when he would have to share her with others anyway, and his uncomfortable speech would not be such a distraction. God must have spent A little more time on you He let his eyes slip closed, even finding watching her too much of a distraction. Or temptation, he couldn't decide. As much of a shadow to him that she always was, she was never close enough. Whenever she was near there was the temptation to pull her close, to just hold her, to feel her near. But that was not possible. So he would just sit here, and feel what closeness he had. Just to feel her presence, know that she was always there. Never thought that love Could feel like this She watched his eyes close finally with a mixed sense of relief and dread. Her feeling of insecurity was given a second's reprieve, but quickly returned in double force as he continued to remain silent. She had thought, maybe, just maybe, something would make him crack, any kind of elicited response that would break the cold veneer he always held. But she had been wrong before, and this was not an exception. She sighed in defeat and let her eyes fall to the floor between them. She let go of the smile that had been her own veneer. It didn't matter. She wondered sometimes why she even bothered. She was probably a distraction to him and he was probably always irritated by her yammering on. Not like he said either way, though. And you changed my world With just one kiss She had to stop doing this. She always felt like an intruder, but always carried the hope that maybe, just maybe, she could offer him something he didn't have. But that was wishful thinking for children, not the eighteen-year old she was already becoming. Definitely old enough to realize even basic truths, even if she didn't want to... She let her hands drop to the floor, placing a heavy-hearted weight on them as she began the slow process of getting up from this place for the last time. "Mou, iya." No more. Only a whisper, barely a breath, but it grabbed Aoshi's full attention as if she had smacked him across the face. The silence that followed it, even for that second, had left an enormous emptiness, a certain finality that left him... unsettled. If she left, she would take everything with her. Every bit of his heart and soul, something he had given her, so willingly, in just a touch, so many years ago. How can it be That right here with me She froze for a moment, a quiet panic rising in her as the entire realization sunk of the finality of this move. Once she left, there was no turning back. No changing her mind. Her heart wouldn't be able to handle that. As it was, she was going crazy chasing after love that wasn't there. She steeled her will and managed to find strength in nothing, at least enough to run out, to run away. She equaled the weight on her knees, and began a slow, painful rise. She was leaving. His mind spun. His thoughts seemed to freeze, unable to comprehend what was going on, but all too aware of the implications. She couldn't go. He couldn't let her. There had to be some way to make her stay. She always stayed. He suddenly felt very cold. It took a hold of him with a grip to crack through every layer of protection he placed around his soul, every defense he had ever placed around himself in order to protect himself from the pain in the outside world. She had become his safety. And without her, he felt... afraid. And so he reacted in the only way he could, fear taking hold of him in this unfamiliar danger. He panicked. There's an angel It's a miracle "Misao--" She stopped in mid rise, a high crouch that would be painful if she stayed in it too long. But her eyes were trained to only one thing, her breath stopped in shock as she stared at the gentle, unassuming weight on her wrist that held her in place with the determination of a thick chain. "Aoshi... sama?" It croaked out, but it was all she could say. "Don't--" There was a slight tremble in his grip, almost imperceptible, but she could follow it up the line of his strong arm, where it seemed to stop at his shoulder, as if the appendage worked of its own will against the better judgement of his body. Or maybe that was her shaking? Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep Her stance gave and she fell back to her knees before him with a heavy thump. It might have been painful. She didn't notice. Heavy blue eyes watched her intensely, darkened with an emotion she wasn't sure either of them understood. "Thank you--Misao." His grip maintained itself on her wrist, even after he knew she would stay. Even if he had needed to, he wasn't strong enough to break the contact he finally had, the feel of soft, warm skin against his weathered, callused fingers. "For everything." He wasn't even sure where the words had come from, or even exactly what he was thanking her for. But it was all that would come out, maybe enough. Maybe she would understand, would see what he needed her to know... Misao just blinked, watching wide-eyed, her mind a total blank. How should she respond? Should she respond? A fire burned its way through her, forcing a choked laugh to fall from her throat. "It's only tea." It was a stupid response, but what could she have said? She had always imagined that one day, she would get _some_ kind of response from him, she just never imagined what. Now she had it, and didn't know what to do with it. Aoshi looked down to the floor, not seeing anything, just feeling the initial panic fade. But now he knew that if there was ever a time to be afraid, this would be it. Every bit of him was out in the open; defenseless. For almost as long as he had been alive, he had been trained, and trained himself, to maintain a safe distance from everything and everyone around him. Beshimi, Hannya, Hyotoko, Shikijou... with they're death had come the strongest barrier. He couldn't afford to hurt. But now... it didn't matter. As long as she was here... Your soul is like a secret That I never could keep "You-- have given me everything-- have been everything. You have been my companion despite all that I've done-- And you’ve asked for nothing in return." "I--" Her ears were burning. She wasn't hearing this. "I--" And Aoshi knew in speaking as he was, in speaking at all, he was asking even more of her. And what he was asking for, was impossible. Worse than that. It was selfish. She was young, could make anything of her life. She might even leave Kyoto one day. He was bound to the role he had made for himself for the rest of his life. It pained him not to give her the one thing she wanted from him, emotions he shared just as strongly (though not quite so loudly). But even for love, he couldn't… When I look into your eyes I know that it's true His eyes shot open at the feel of her hand against his cheek, a gentle warmth which forgave all wrongs. "Aoshi-sama… Daijoubu. I won’t leave. Not you. Never." Would it be so wrong? If it was what she wanted? He let himself be drawn against her, closing his eyes in the comfort of her nearness, his head resting on her shoulder. Misao buried her face in his hair, sighing headily as she breathed him in, lids heavy from the intoxicating freshness of it. If they could stay like this, even if they couldn’t, if this feeling would last, she could be eternally happy. But her soul was a thirsty creature, always yearning for everything a moment could give, everything she could possible take. "I just wish... you..." Maybe a smile. That wouldn’t be too much, would it? A start, and certainly not a big one. She sighed again, languidly, almost forgetting the thought as quickly as it had come. Right now, even that didn't matter. God must have spent Aoshi was ready to laugh, had the thought even occurred to him to do so. He was who he was, after all. He had loved her even then, if only in a different guise. And even then, so many years ago, she had seen right through him, and drawn him out. She would always push him to limits he didn't know he had, and for her, no matter the cost, he would succumb to her every whim. "I did. I always have. I have been yours since the beginning." The words seemed awkward, obtrusive. But it was what she wanted, and so he would give her. Misao's head jerked up, staring wide-eyed and disbelieving at the words spoken. Her mind was swimming, her body frozen in a thousand different emotions, all happy. Her mouth moved silently to form words that weren't there. So much to say and no power to say it. The words seemed to linger in his mind, half image, half a distant, soothing voice: **Hold her. She can teach you something, if you wish to learn.** He didn't know what to do, how to react, and back then he had the instruction of Misao's mother. But this was no longer the past, and she was no longer a small child. So he placed his trust in his instincts, raising his arms slowly, letting go of her wrist to bring them around her body, taking cues from instinct, in the art of holding a woman. A little more time on you She felt herself be drawn in awkwardly, slow moving arms making their way around her, an electric shiver coursing through her as any space between them closed. His arms tightened around her with a desperation, leaving room for nothing more than an answer. With one fluid motion, her own arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders and neck, drawing him into a fierce embrace. She would have let the tears flow, had there been any. She could feel nothing but the moment, the feel of them together, completely overwhelmed by a sense of being... whole. God must have spent Aoshi raised his head, savoring the feel of her skin against his cheek, both energized and exhausted by the flood that washed over him and carried him. Misao dragged herself away from her newly found dream, almost worried that the movement from him would signify its end, that a harsh, ugly reality would force its own way in to take the dream's place. He merely watched her, waiting. The act was not a decision, merely a reality. Where she led, he would follow. A little more time Her gaze softened as she looked down on him, seeing only the man she had always seen in him, a dream that had been reality all along. She made her decision, bringing her hands up to his face once again, her lips lowering to meet his, a kiss which was gentle, insistent, and fiercely possessive all at once. He deepened the kiss, tightening his hold on her, swallowed up by the moment, regaling in the feel of the morning air around him; of the feel of her around him. On you And so they remained as they were in the morning silence, each loving the other more. Owari. Comments? Is this way to long and wordy? Yoroshiku onegaishimasu! Larraine @=@ kaoschan@hotmail.com Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ To unsubscribe from this mailing list, or to change your subscription to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at http://www.onelist.com and select the Member Center link from the menu bar on the left.