From: pokemeowth@juno.com Hi minna, I haven't written much lately, but this just popped in my head and I wrote it down. I don't know if it's accurate, historically or to the series, and I probably exaggerated since I don't know the guy and the time then very well. C&C is very welcome! lily-dono ^-^ Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its respectful owners, not me. Standard disclaimers apply. -------------------------------------- Musing on a lazy afternoon by lily-dono -------------------------------------- It was another one of those days. There was absolutely nothing to do and time seemed interminable. While I lounged, basking in the afternoon sun, I reflected on my life. Was it a complete failure? Was I a martyr? Would it have been better if I never existed? I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to drift to thoughts of my past, my life. I was born into a honorable, well-off family. I could have lived a life of wealth and luxury, but my heart would not have been content. I dreamed of a time where social classes would be abolished and there would be equality. When the Bakumatsu came, I believed the Meiji era would bring this. I wanted to aid them and so I created the Sekihotai, a group of farmers who went across the lands spreading the promises made by the Ishinishin* to gain the support of the people for their side. I sacrificed everything for my belief of equality and that the Meiji would bring it. I could have lived the life of an educated, honorable man, but I gave it all up. Was I a fool? Perhaps, but I didn't think so at the time. When it came time for the Meiji government to deliever their promises, they never did. They never intended to in the first place. They had used us to get the peoples' support and now we had become the scapegoat. I didn't realize this until it was too late. I never expected this to happen, but then again, I never expected many things. I never expected to take in two boys and for them to idolize me. I never expected little Sanosuke to take my surname even though I thought it sounded funny. Sagara Sanosuke. I never expected the ambush that killed nearly everyone. I never expected to wake up to Sano dragging me through the woods. He would not leave me behind to die even if it meant his own death. He gave up a chance to escape unscathed for a chance to save my life. But I would die anyways. I had awaken when he stopped at the edge of the cliff, overlooking a mud-filled ravine. I shoved him off into that mud just as the bullets that had taken my mens' lives, claim mine. Of all the Sekihotai, only Katsu and Sano survived. Perhaps if I had never formed the Sekihotai, all the men who perished that night would still be alive. Then maybe, those farmers' families would not have to go through the grief of losing them. However, my will and my ambition were too strong then for me to just forget it. I would have had to never existed for the Sekihotai to have never been formed. Was I a martyr? Perhaps, perhaps not. I don't believe that I was killed for my belief, but rather my belief led me to my death. It blinded me to the government's false promises and led me to believe in their corrupt ways, to believe their lies. It led me to create of group of farmers who believed in and trusted me. Where did I lead them? Death. I led them straight to the icy grasp of Death. Perhaps my life was a failure and it would have been best if I never knew the breath of life. I open my eyes and I am returned to my present surroundings. I let out a sigh. "You have only assessed one side of your life," a familiar voice called out. I felt the sudden presence of another near me, but I couldn't uncover the latent source. "You have not yet looked at the good in your life. You have not realized the impact you have made." "What good? What impact?" I demanded. "You took in two boys. You cared for them when no one else would. That is why they idolized you so much. Take a look at them now." A vision of Katsu appeared. He was drawing again, engaging in his passion and his love. After putting the finanl details on it, he handed the finished piece to an eagerly awaiting pair of hands. "Thank you so much, Katsu-san." "My pleasure, Tae-dono." Katsu looked geniunely content. Next, a vision of Sanosuke appeared. He was at the Kamiya Dojo along with the rest of the Kenshin-gumi. He and Yahiko were playfully brawling again; Yahiko ending up gnawing on his hair. Kenshin played with Ayame and Suzume while Megumi and Kaoru chatted. Often, the Fox Lady would sneak a peek at Sano. Sometimes he caught her, which brought a smirk to his face. "See how happy they are?" the voice stated. "Yes, but they could have gotten there on their own. They didn't need me," I replied stubbornly. A sigh could be heard. "You're gonna be harder than I thought." A felt a grin creep on my face. "The Sekihotai made a difference. Hikotiris and soldiers can only do so much. A side in a war needs followers, support from the people to be successful." "So? We were all killed, except those two. Because of me, their lives were cut short." "Yes, but while they were alived, they earned the support of the people for the Ishinishin. If the Ishinishin had lost, Japan would be far worse off." A new vision appeared. This one was not of happy days, but of turmoil and corruptiong. Homeless people lived in the sh ambles of the remnants of a torched and looted town. Some lived happily as a result of the Shogunate victory, but many lived in destitution and constant fear for their lives. An atmosphere of suffering an misery filled the air. The government was still very corrupt, and now was influenced by Westerners who used the politicians to get what they wanted. Japan remained in the chaotic state it had been during the Bakumatsu. Groups of thieves raided nad killed mercilessly. Many lives were cut short. Protests and rebellions were answered with swords and showers of bullets. The dreams of young women were shattered when they were forced to live a degrading life working in brothels. The dreams of young men were destroyed when they were sold off into slavery, their lives handed over to ones who offered the most money. They all knew that the only way out was through the hands of Death. I gasped when I saw this. "Was this what you wanted for Japan? Many are unhappy. Life was better for them in the Meiji, which you and your Sekihotai helped make possible, believe it or not. That is probably one of the reasons you are relaxing in heaven instead of...the alternative." A breeze blew by and when it died away, the voice was gone. The afternoon was over and the sun was setting. I mused over what the voice had told me. Was it true? Did I, Sagara Souzou, really matter? Did I make a difference? Is that why I'm here instead of...there? Perhaps the deaths of the Sekihotai was a small price to pay for the end result, but what is the end result? I guess I'll have to leave that for another lazy afternoon. ~Owari~ --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- GRAB THE GATOR! FREE SOFTWARE DOES ALL THE TYPING FOR YOU! Tired of filling out forms and remembering passwords? Gator fills in forms and passwords with just one click! Comes with $50 in free coupons! Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------