Standard disclaimers apply. Miyumi is mine, though. Short author's comments: WAIIIIII! My first completed RK fic! (not very good, but at least it's done!) Winter Sun in response to the "Tomoe Challenge" ^_^ by MiaViolet (miaviolet@usa.net / hoshi.sumire@icestorm.net) Today is the anniversary of Kiyosato's death. The sun is setting in the west like a flaming bird plunging into its mountain retreat, illuminating our house with its dying rays. I hear Kenshin's footsteps behind me and turn, seeing the smile lighting up his scarred face and his hair that seems like a reflection of the disappearing sun itself. I smile at him. It is only a faint smile, hovering at the edges of my lips, but we both know what it means... for it is but an echo of the happiness and serenity in this place. Happiness. Yes, I am happy. A voice whispers to me that I cannot be happy, on this the anniversary of my fiance's death, in this secluded village, as the wife of the man who killed Kiyosato. But there is no denying the diamond truth, hard and clear and painfully beautiful. I am happy in this place, for I have found the serenity and peace that has so eluded me. Found with this man. Kenshin murmurs a greeting to me, then goes into the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts. This man... is Kenshin, Battousai, husband, killer, his gentle nature not suited to his task. (My husband)...However I cannot forget the other side of him, Battousai, the killer who spilled my fiance's blood in the dirty gutter with not a single thought. Of guilt, of wrongness, of injustice. Yet Kenshin remembers all the lives he has taken, and the burden of guilt weighs heavily on him. Even at night I can hear him tossing and turning, desperately trying to escape the blood-soaked nightmares that hold him in their thrall. He has been so honest with me, so gentle, so loving that I forget the Battousai and the task I have yet to fulfill. He loves me, in his youth and innocence and trust, all what I had not expected to find in him, of all people. I look up at the now-dark sky in thought, listening to the sound of a child's laughter as my husband lifts him up, swinging him in the air. That laughter... so carefree, so innocent, touches my heart and strikes a chord of yearning deep inside me. How long has it been since I laughed? How long has it been since I looked through the eyes of an innocent? The Battousai has taken that from me. But now, listening to the sound of his voice as he amuses the children with stories, a realization, painful in its clarity and truth, strikes me. Kenshin has given back what I have lost. Through his eyes I have seen what only youth and innocence can be aware of, and in his laughter I have found myself. I have learned to smile and laugh with him in spirit again, true laughter that comes from the heart. I have found wonder and joy and happiness through Kenshin, for he has melted the snow in my heart with the warmth of his selfless love. I had kept my distance from him, guarding my heart in its coldness, not letting myself feel. Not letting myself feel for this man. Steeling myself for what I must do. But I feel I have done so in vain... For I love him. I love him in spite of the blood staining the Battousai's hands, in spite of the death of my fiance, in spite of the scar on his cheek... and the reason it is there. I love him in defiance of what others will say, in opposition to my family. I love him despite Enishi's hatred and the dying spark of revenge in my heart. I love him despite the feeling that I have betrayed everything else by loving him. I love him despite what he has done... and what I may do. And what I may be. The cause of his death. No. No! I can't betray him like this... The conflict in my heart is like the rush of the ocean waves, the torrent of icy revenge melting under the warmth of love. I cannot... will not... betray him. But Kiyosato...? a tiny voice whispers in my mind. And your promise to the dead? I am still bound by a promise once made, by a vow to a dead man. It is strange that a person long gone to the House of the Dead should have such a strong hold on me, that my love for him should still be present in revenge. It is doubly painful now that I see how much I suffered... how much he suffered... because of my inability to express the love that I felt for my dead fiance. Perhaps, as compensation, as proof of my love, I have sought justice for him, and my lost innocence in revenge. Revenge now regretted, now lost, now sterile. My soul has been clouded by it so long that I have forgotten how to feel and love and see with wonder in my eyes. But now it is gone, like frost before the winter sun, and I find that I cannot fulfill my task. I cannot betray Kenshin. I lost Kiyosato once... but I will not lose Kenshin now. How I regret the seeds of revenge and hatred I have planted! How I wish they may not bear the fruit of death! But there is no turning back time. If I could, I would change the past, take back all the ice of sorrow and unredeemed love, all the numbness, all the pain, and extinguish it in the winter's sun. Yet I cannot... and all I can do is forget the past. For I have kept my face turned away from the truth so long... that the past should give way to the present, and it is useless to immerse oneself in memories, forgetting today and the paths of tomorrow. I have been blind to the truth that promises to ghosts who will not be resurrected because of their fulfillment are but bonds that can be broken like shackles of mist before the sun. The revenge and anger and grief and sorrow in my heart have long been gone, and I have been blind to their absence in spite of the loss of coldness from my heart. I have refused to see that today, now, I am in the sun, and I should cherish its warmth before I am plunged once more into the cold of darkness. The conflict in my heart subsides, love having won over revenge as the truth dawns on me, washing away my doubts and fears. I love him, and he loves me. Simple, clear and true, like a jewel raindrop on a leaf; beautiful, fragile, like a perfect snowflake caught in winter's breath. Fragile and beautiful in its impossibility. I know that this happiness cannot last, that the peace will be washed away by fate... by things that I myself have set in motion then, but I would stop now if I could. There is no escape for him from fate. I love him so much I would die for him. I would die protecting him. I would die so that he may live. The sacrifice for my love. I will die... I will die... I know that for sure now, with the cold hand of certainty and foreboding wrapped around my heart. I also feel that if I die for him... Kenshin will live. Perhaps it will be better this way... and no matter what happens, I will always have the treasure of these days locked in my heart. ~~~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~~~ Kaoru let the scroll slide from limp hands as she knelt on the floor with tears standing in her eyes. Miyumi had given her the small, fragile scroll last week on the condition that she conceal it from Kenshin at all cost, whispering to her that she should read it the day before her wedding. Kaoru could still recall her friend's whispered words as she gave Kaoru the scroll. (You will soon understand about Tomoe. Not now, but soon...) And Miyumi was right. As she always was, gifted with perculiar insight into the thoughts of men, a lovely girl blessed - and cursed - with the supernatural powers of sorcery. Miyumi could reach far beyond ordinary men, and Kaoru couldn't imagine how much effort it took when she had reached deep inside Tomoe's heart to create the scroll she had given to Kaoru. Kaoru had long wondered about who Tomoe really was... not understanding, somewhat jealous and insecure, like a duckling compared to a swan. When she thought about Tomoe, she always felt inadequate beside Tomoe's beauty and elegance and quiet dignity. And now, she *knew* Tomoe, the true woman behind the icily beautiful face and the sad smile. Kaoru could not help but marvel at Tomoe's strength in the face of pain and conflict, and her truthfulness with herself in the face of despair. Throughout the lines she could see Tomoe's love for Kenshin, the same love that let Tomoe sacrifice her life willingly for Kenshin. There was no rebelliousness there in the last few lines, or bitterness that she would have to die, only haunting sadness and willing resignation. Kaoru's sense of faint resentment vanished as she reread the latter paragraphs. Only the sense of admiration for this extraordinary woman remained, with regret over the loss of a person with such strength from the world. She felt gratitude, too, for Tomoe made a sacrifice through love and let Kenshin live and find a chance to love yet again. She now understood the extent of Kenshin's pain and his suffering through these years, patiently borne. Kaoru's blue eyes overflowed with tears once again as she thought of his sadness and pain... and her love that had brought him out of the darkness of guilt and despair into the light of love and friendship and family. She had long wondered if she would be able to fill Tomoe's shoes, but now she realized that was unnecessary. Kaoru was not a substitute for Tomoe, not her successor; she was her own person, a different heart who loved in her own exuberant, beautiful way. Thus, she would never consider herself inadequate, or resent Tomoe's presence in Kenshin's life. Tomoe had given back Kenshin's life; Kaoru had given Kenshin the will to live and the light of life. In a way, Kaoru had done as much - and even more - than Tomoe in that respect. *That* was what Miyumi had wanted to show Kaoru so that she would understand. This scroll was priceless, for it portrayed the utter selflessness and love a beautiful spirit had for another. It was an example of a sacrifice for love against all odds. "I understand now, Miyumi." Then, after a long silence, "Tomoe... thank you." ---Owari--- ____________________________________________________________________ Get free email and a permanent address at http://www.netaddress.com/?N=1