From: "Misao-chan" Um... I sent this to the A & M FFML a few... seconds (^^) ago. It's my first fic, please don't flame me. Also, it's extremely badly written. Don't say I didn't warn ya. They're not mine. I never said they were. No one would believe me if I said they were. So there. ::smirks:: -- I held your damp shoulders to warm you-- Your fingers tremble-- what are they seeking? In broken speech, tell me why you want this pain You no longer seem so grown up, as your pretenses fade. -Just Communication, Two-Mix ======Finality===== I wake up on a bed, wounded. What had happened? I could feel knives running through me, choking me, tearing away at me until nothing was left. It hurt. I want to move, but my body will not obey the orders. Each attempt brings on a fresh wave of pain. The attack on the Aoiya had been fierce, though it could not have lasted more than twenty minutes. We were winning, though with difficulty. All of us had been pushed near the limit. We had thought we had gotten rid of all of them... But, assuming things can be dangerous. Yes. They can be. Fatal. I remember a man standing behind her. There was a katana, raised upward. That man...he was about to... I had no time to think about everything was happening too quickly for me for her possibly for everyone else. I remember blocking her body with my own. I remember the downward swing of the sword, could remember the shouts of outrage, could remember the sound of his body hitting the ground as Shiro cut him down. I remember how my eyes met hers, for a brief moment. And yet.. it may well have been the clearest memory of all. The blue depths betrayed how she felt. They always have. And at that moment they reflected...a mixture of disbelief, anxiety, pain, sadness, fear... perhaps I'm saying these things to avoid saying something I do not understand. Something which I am incapable of understanding. I wondered if she knew what I was feeling for her at that moment...if she could see... I had smiled at her then. I could see clearly her expression of surprise. I had wanted to reassure her, let her know everything was going to be fine... And then Nothing. I could recall nothing else. I open my eyes. Okina stood by the doorway, his expression impossible to read. He looks at me questioningly, to ask if I knew...if I understood... Yes. I do. And then... "Does she know?" "Yes." So much the better. At least that way, it will be much easier for her to prepare herself for something which should not inflict any pain on her at all, but will anyway. She had fallen asleep, by my futon. Her warm hand lay on top of mine. I can see the streak of fallen tears on her cheek, worry checked in her face. Even in sleep. I look at the old man. Please. I would like to be alone. Even for a moment, to be alone with her. He smiles wearily, and leaves. "I understand." But does he, really? I look at her. In sleep, even through the pain, her face was lovely. She has on this expression of sadness, fear. And yet... through it all, or perhaps because of it, she is. Beautiful. But I prefer her smiling. Always. Always. Guilt is all over her face. Is she blaming herself? She shouldn't. I can't stand seeing her like this. All this... was amusing, in a way. But then again, wouldn't everything be funny, if you looked at them a certain way? Amusement which left a hollow feeling inside of me. There is nothing inside of me. I have no heart, no soul. Only an empty shell. Even so, why do I... feel... like this? We had stayed in an idyll for such a long while... and now... I regret the fact that I had never apologized to her. For all the things I had done. But it's a little late for that. I've lost her. Or at least, I'm about to. I'm about to leave once more, but this time I'm not going to come back. Misao. Have I mentioned that she is beautiful? I smile and again close my eyes. The last moments of pain set on me. In a few moments I don't think I shall feel anything at all. And yet... I don't mind. It's a kind of good thing, actually. At least now I'll never be able to drag her down with me. At least this way I won't be able to hurt her any longer. Yes, that will be a consolation to me. I thank a god I no longer believe in for that. I wonder if death would bring the peace I had been searching for. I don't know. I wonder if I'll ever see her again, after this. Perhaps I will. Perhaps not. I just don't want to be lonely again. Isn't that funny? Me, lonely. Why does she comprehend fully what I cannot? Too many things I do not understand. The two of us are different. Too different for me to be able to make her happy. She is... Innocent. Naove. I want to protect that innocence, but how could I do so, while being a threat to it all the while? That would be hypocrisy on my part, wouldn't it? Yes. She cannot get too close to me. She musn't. When you look at me that way, I wonder which one of us is really in control. I won't ever forget her expression as we-- Himura and that friend of his-- returned to the remnants of the Aoiya. She had shed tears than, too. Only at that time, they had been tears of joy. I didn't understand it then. I don't understand it now. Oh, I know. I know the reason, but knowing something is a long way from actually understanding it, realizing *why*. It's getting harder to breathe now. It doesn't hurt, not really. In fact, it's not that unpleasant. Sort of peaceful. No, not that bad at all. If only... if only... I want to say my final farewell. In a final effort, I touch her lips with mine. If only for a moment, I cannot deny myself this. Do you believe in fate? I want us to be together. But it's too late for that now. I want to see you smile once more. Even after I'm gone. Darkness starts to fall over me. I'm sorry, Misao. I never told you, did I? No, I didn't. Did you know? I think I love you. =======Um,... owari.====== ::gives a not-quite ladylike snort:: Okay, for those of you who are still with me...Oh, that's all right, I'm used to talking to myself. The nice doctor said it was... therapeutic. Comments, *gentle* criticism, are welcome. But no flames, onegai. Please. Ja, Miyashi-chan Whaat!!! Have you tried The Doghouse??! Get your FREE WEB-BASED EMAIL account at: http://doghousemail.lycos.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do lizards and rock music have in common? http://www.onelist.com They both have communities at ONElist. Find yours today!