Disclaimers!: Not ours, don't sue. RK Spoilers for book 18 and up. Kurama: Our host for the day is a little damp at the moment after attempting that heroic feat of jumping down the waterfall to rescue both Kaoru and the X-men-reject, Udo Jine then jumping up again and spraining his ankle in the process. I'll be taking over till he can find a dry set of clothes... Karasu: [slithers on stage] ... and some bandages... Kurama: Wh-what?! Karasu! What are you doing here?! Karasu: I'm your co-host. [BGM music 'Nightmare'] Kurama: How? Karasu: I asked the organisers to let me co-host with you. It might be too tiring for your frail ningen body. Kurama: I don't see how they would agree unless you threatened them. Karasu: I'm the LIAC of one of the organisers, so when I heard that they were shorthanded, I volunteered my services. Hmm... you could get that mummy over there to loan Kenshin some bandages for that nasty sprain of his? Yumi: Grrr... mummy?! Organisers: You two, stop chit-chatting into the mike on stage, get cracking! Kenshin: [wailing in the background] But this is the only set of clothes I have! Do you ever see me in anything else but this in the anime? Megumi: [stern voice in the background] Yes. Your birthday suit. Now hurry up and get out of these wet things before you catch a cold! I know you have no money to pay for any medical fees and I don't want to have to treat you for free... Kurama: Uhm... can somebody turn off the backstage mike. Voice: REI-KEN!!! Karasu: Thank you, Kuwa-chan! Voice: TEEE MEEEE!!!!! Kurama: Now we've come to the second part of our 1998 Rurouni Kenshin Fan-fiction Awards Presentation Ceremony. Whew! What a mouthful! Now, as you all know, as many as there are good fics; there are just as many lousy fics, fics written by writers who can't write but are still willing to try and give off their best. Karasu: We applaud these authors for their valiant efforts and we hope the will try harder in the future. Now to encourage them to write better, we will present the best or should we say the worst of them with an award for the Worst Fan-fiction ever written in RKdom! Shall we invite our guest for the next category to say a few golden words? Rurouni please... Rurouni: Well, all I can say, is don't get discouraged if you get this award, just do your best. Everybody has to start from somewhere, right? Before Kenshin can do any fancy Hiten Mitsurugu Ryuu gimmicks, he had to learn how to walk first, right? Saitou: What kind of crappy speech is that? Aho. Hiko: Now, you know why she called herself 'Rurouni'... she's just another blockhead like my stupid disciple. Baka deshi... by the way, did you know that he was still wetting his pants at the age of 8? Disgraceful isn't it? Saitou: Now, this is an interesting piece of information I can use against Battousai the next time we spar... Rurouni: So, without further ado, I present to you the winner of the Worst Fic Award! Chronicles of a Rurouni by Pan! Soujirou: Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-GASP-::sniff:: No one appreciates me... Kurama: Eto, Kenshin, I think your guest made a mistake... this fic isn't in the nomination at all... Kenshin: That's why it's the Worst Fic! I'm not even the main lead in this fic, so how good can it be?! Kurama and Karasu: ~sweatdrop~ Kenshin: Thank you, now just as soon as we get rid of the guest, can we have the winner, Pan to give us a speech? Rurouni: But I haven't finished talking! Sanosuke: Your time's up, buddy. Now go get lost! [boots Rurouni off the stage] Kenshin: Thank you Sano. Pan-dono, please. [gestures to the mike] SD Pan: [in tears] This has given me an invaluable lesson, people... that no fic without Kenshin is a fic at all... neither is a fic a fic when the writer has bad plot, bad scenarios, lousy writing skills, no audience appeal, no proper outline, no proper planning, cheap vocabulary, weak grammar and last but not least, a whole cast of plain lousy actors who refuse to cooperate and either runs off for ten years to find The Answer or cooks The Food so that shooting of the show halts for milleniums. Last but not least, it shows that I have succeeded! Yes! Chronicles of a Rurouni was planned to be the most boring, stupid, plotless, aimless, careless and out of the world (negatively) fic ever written! This award proves that I. Have. Succeeded! Thank you! Thank you so-SPLATUCHTH- *Pan runs offstage as people start throwing pan at her* Karasu: Thank you Pan. May you write more stories of me and my Kastle next time. Next, the award for the Most Draggy Fic. We shan't drag this any longer. Oei! You, that girl over there with the funny ribbon, yes yes, just come up here and be the next guest will you, stop wasting time! Girl: You should be nicer to your guests. Kurama: I apologise Kaoru... dono... please forgive my co-host, he's a little uncouth. Karasu: What?! Kaoru: You know draggy fics right, they go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and never seem to have a sense of direction, no purpose, no meaning... and seem like they are never going to stop. Yahiko: I thought she was never going to stop her 'on and on's. Tsubame: We should give her our support and listen attentively. Kamatari: Her speech is as lousy as her cooking. Shishio-sama, want another chicken wing? Kaoru: To cut a long speech short, the winner of this fabled award is none other than Angela Cheong, for her entry Strange Acquaintances. Angela-san, please say something. Angela: Well, actually, this award goes to Rurouni as well since she co-wrote it with me. So I'll let her talk instead. Saitou: Not that aho again? Rurouni: Hi everybody, I'm back on stage again. No thanks to everybody for this award. You should all know to write a good fic, one must not rush into things right? One should very slowly plan out the details of the fic, then proceed to write it with great care and attention so that even the smallest detail in the fic is perfect. A flawless fic. And our fic, Strange Acquaintance isn't really draggy, it just haven't really started even though it's already 7 parts long because we chop up the parts into smaller parts for an easier read. We had to go into all the flashbacks and stuff to get all the background and setting laid out before we could proceed with the original mainplot. And that main plot is... Audience: zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZ[SNORE-CITY]ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz DAAANNG DANNNNNNG DAAAAAAANG!!!!!! Karasu: Thank you very much, you may now sit down. Rurouni: But but... Kurama: And now for our next category, The Best Round Robin Category! Saitou: Good thing they shut her up, no wonder she won for the Most Draggy Fic, even her speech is draggy... Kurama: And we shall invite our guest of honour to give us a LITTLE speech for this category. Pan-dono, please. Pan: You know, Round Robins are actually a bad excuse for sabotaging the person next to you. If I were to write an example with our two distinguished hosts, Kurama and Karasu, for example; and the next person after me to write is Kurama. I give him this to continue: "Kurama ran forward and embraced Karasu." Do you think I won't be a crisp piece of fried bread by tomorrow? No? I knew you'd say that! So the best Round Robin naturally belongs to the best group of people who are able to sabotage their fellow mates. And since there is only one entry for this category, there has never been any doubt on who the winner is... the 1998 Rurouni Kenshin Fan-fiction Awards winner of the Best Round Robin category is... ME! Thank you, me! Please make a winning speech, me... Kurama: Uhm... besides Pan, will the other co-writers come on stage and say a few words too? Poping, Sano, Wisely and Rurouni. Kamatari and Chou: Psst... don't let Rurouni near the mike. Kurama: A word from Poping? Pan and Rurouni: Yeah Okashira! Go go go! Poping: Whatever. [long pause] Karasu: Yes? Anything else to you want to say to the audience? Poping: You decide. Karasu: Me? Poping: Anything. Karasu: You sure? Poping: [shrugs] Up to you. Kurama: Uhm... Thank you Poping-san for your speech. What about Wisely-san, do you have anything to add on? Wisely: ... Karasu: Sano-san? Sano: ... Rurouni: My turn! Karasu: Pan? Pan: Thank you people! Thanks for all your support! Kurama: And that's all the time we have for this award. Rurouni: WHAT?! Karasu: Next we would like to call upon Pan to present the next award to the winner, but before that, a few words please... Kurama: Why Pan again? Karasu: The guest went to the restroom and Pan happens to be on stage at the moment. Kurama: But it isn't fair... Karasu: Ok then, will the burly looking gentleman down there please come up and give a speech for the Worst Fic-Writer Award! Iwanbo: ...uh...huh...duhhhh...ore wa... ore wa... saikyo... Kurama: ~sweatdrops~ Karasu: And the winner for the Worst Fic-Writer Award is none other than Rurouni! Pan: I want to share the award! Remember the Rurouni and Pan combination for parodies? Karasu: I haven't finished... Kurama: And Pan! Hiko: Baka. Saitou: Aho ga. Pan: [snatches mike from Kurama] Thank you. *blows flying kisses* You all like me! You all REALLY LIKE ME! AHAHAHAHAHAH!! (passes mike to Rurouni as she runs offstage laughing and crying) ^_^_^_^x Rurouni: Wah! I got an award?! Again? I'm so happy to be back on stage again! Thank you everybody for this wonderful award! I'm so happy I got an award! See, even if you don't plan before writing a fic you can still get an award! Hiko: Baka. Saitou: Aho ga. Kurama: And that ends the second part of the Awards Presentation Ceremony! Karasu: Please step over there for some refreshments prepared by none other than our multi-talented, Kamiya Kaoru! Don't forget to bring your food poisoning pills along! STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE The Organizers bread@bread.freeservers.com 20/12/98