DISCLAIMER!: Rurouni Kenshin characters copyright Watsuki Nobuhiro. Other characters belong to themselves, but of course, they gave me permission to abuse their namesake here... ^^x No I'm not making money so I'm not worthed suing... The most plotless fic ever written ---------------------------------- A lone figure raced through the the back alleys of Tokyo, her modern looking clothes awkwardly standing out amongst the fuedal looking citizens of the town. Nevertheless, this did not stop her from storming through the dirt paths in a flash, and, like the idiot she was, crashed straight into an incoming Kenshingumi. "Oro?" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! KENSHIN!!! SAVE ME FROM THEM!!" "ORO?!?!" Kenshin looked around for 'them' as Pan continued running away from the spot. "Coming straight at 'ya!" She shouted from a distance and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Speechless and reduced to super-deformed size, the Kenshingumi could only watch on as yet another massive influx of latest characters crashed head on to them, resulting in more dislocated jaws, more muscle aches and more cross scars on the face. "Darnation, she's getting away!" Nadya yelped and gathered her bamboo sword, preparing to give chase again when she found herself staring at a most deflated Himura Kenshin... There was a slight pause. "KENSHIN!!!" She launched herself at the red-headed rurouni's neck, refusing to let go no matter how much the real Kaoru tugged at her to. "Ororororrororoooooooooo!" "Yet another one of Kenshin's adoring female fans." Yahiko swept the dirt off his hakama and stood up. Beside him, a looming shadow glanced over his insigniicant head. "What do you mean another "ONE" of his female fans?" Kaoru-sensei glared, bokken in hand and ready to go. The air of battle started to rise between Yahiko and Kaoru-sensei when suddenly... ... Kaoru-sensei beamed like she never beamed before. "It's another *TWO* of Kenshin's adoring female fans! KENSHIN!!!" Kaoru-sensei immediately screamed and tore Nadya off from Kenshin, launching herself on instead. Carefully, she took his face in both hands and pressed close, inspecting it for any dirt marks or extra cross scars not supposed to be there. "Kenshin... you are now under my spell... tell me... are you a Chichiri reincarnated, or is Chichiri a Kenshin reincarnate?" Kenshin only stared on more dazedly. Meanwhile, Pan was having a fine time running away, having led the RKfanficMLwriters straight into the Kenshingumi. She grinned for what it was worthed, stole a glance back and crashed straight into a big block of stone... ... I mean... The big and muscular Hiko Seijuurou... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Hiko glanced down at the small and infinitesimal figure at his feet. "And who may you be?" "That's Pan!" Hiko turned to look behind him. "You know her?" Tracy stepped out from the shadows of Hiko's great big white mantle cloak whatever, and nodded. And Pan screamed. Not another fanfic writer! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! She got up, picked up speed and disappeared in yet another record time piece. "What's with her." Hiko wondered aloud, pulling out the cork of his sake and drinking a few sips of it. Tracy's eyes gleamed evilly at the receding dirt paths Pan was creating at her escape, then meekly turned to Hiko. "Oh, Hiko-shishou, Pan's running away because..." She told him. "I see." Hiko downed another gulp of sake. "Forget it, I'm going to get myself another bottle of sake." "We'll come with you!" Both female descendants of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu faithfully followed their shishou in search of the nearest sake shop, not knowing which lump of people they were going to bump into that morning... "Ch. What were you fic writers doing running all around Meiji Tokyo chasing a piece of bread?" The flattened Sano on the floor managed to ask. Note: Pan in Japanese means Bread. "Revenge." Nadya tightened her grip on the bamboo sword. Kaoru (the real one) raised an eyebrow at the notion. "For?" All the other fic writers stared at each other knowingly. "It's top secret. Highly classified, no one ordinary should know about it." Rurouni smiled at the Kenshingumi rather triumphantly. "Is that so..." "Neeway, *I* get to kill Pan." Rurouni's evil gmean further sparkled. "No way, I get to do that!" Nadya stuck her tongue out. "I replied her mail first." "But you have no motive!" Rurouni complained. "I do, I just haven't told the list yet!" "I GET TO KILL PAN!!" "MEEEEEEEE!!!!" Rurouni and Nadya... iflookscouldkill... "None of you will be killing Pan, she's already ran far far away." A familiar voice sounded into the earsdrums of everybody on the collision spot. Kenshin's eyes widened... so did everyone else's... "That voice... could it be... !!" "Writer of Jinchuu's End..." "... One More Ishin..." "... On Heads and Alter-egos..." "And co-writing Fushigi Rurouni with Rurouni..." Three seconds pause for effect. "TRACY LIM!!!" "What is going on here??" Sano stood up, a piece of flattened 2D image now that everybody had trampled over him. "Why are you guys chasing a piece of bread all over Tokyo? What are the fanfic writers doing in RKality? What is your purpose here? HOW did you get here? Why do I have a bad feeling about this and... WHAT IS HIKO SEIJUUROU DOING HERE?!?!?" Kenshin immediately turned and smiled for what it was worthed. "Shishou!" He cried and ran forth, only to be tripped by Hiko himself into a path of rose bushes behind where he stood. "Don't try that on me, Kenshin..." He warned in a dangerous tone. In the distance, Rurouni sighed. "Tell you what, guys, let's talk this over at the Akabeko restaurant, okay?" Everybody looked at her. "Sure! If you pay..." "Why me... ???" So off they all went, tottering happily down to the Akabeko restaurant to fill up the void in their stomachs, as well as the gaps in the whole business of chasing a piece of bread all around Tokyo... Tae came over and smiled at them all with her mini slitted eyes, serving them the best dishes in the restaurant and crediting them to Sano's account by the request of Rurouni. She sat down soon afterwards and got involved in the discussion as well... "I'm sorry, people..." Tae apologized profusely, setting down what smelled and actually bore a little resemblance to 'the best dishes in the restaurant'... "... but Nadya Kaoru insisted on cooking for everybody, so..." Yahiko sighed. "As long as the real Kaoru's not cooking..." Then a cat fight ensued between Kaoru and Yahiko. "Anyway, let's go back to what we were discussing." Kaoru-sensei looked at everybody in the eye, all in determination. "What were we discussing?" Kenshin stared at everyone in confusion. He received glares in return. "Ahahahahaha... must have slipped my mind... so sorry..." Before anybody could even bat an eyelid, the doors of the restaurant slid open noisily and MadamHydra, carrying all her years worth of luggage plomped into the main area and greeted whoever was there. "I'm sorry to be disturbing you!" She flashed a peace sign. "But is Saitou Hajime living around here?" She inquired politely, taking out a notebook and flipping through the pages to try to locate the precise location of where Saitou dwelled in. There were a few nervous laughters. "Ano, you're on the wrong street..." The real Kaoru grinned. "Go out, walk all the way left and turn right... then walk straight and you'll see the police station. That's where he works..." "Is that so?" MadamHydra scratched her head in embarassment. How silly I am, I don't even know where my fiance works in!" A ten seconds silence. Then a triple bodyfault for everybody in the restaurant. "Fi-fi-fi-fi-fi-fiance?!?" Sanosuke managed to stutter. "Sa... Saitou as a fiancee?? When he's already had a wife?" "Hm. Interesting." Hiko downed another bottle of sake and called for more. In the meantime, everybody else had decided to tuck into Nadya Kaoru's fabulous cooking... On the other hand, MadamHydra wasn't looking very pleased. "WHAT?!?! He's married already? That ungrateful soul... how dare he marry someone else after all those times we've spent together! All those [insert childhood scenario] and [insert embarassing action sequence] or [insert childhood dress code]... how dare he!!!" The restaurant was numb with the air of vengeance... Everyone could hear a pin drop in the Kamiya Dojo and all it took was one more push of the restaurant door to upset the equilibruim once more... "Good morning." Saitou stepped into the restaurant. And thus... began a new day of chaos... END PART 1 (because of lack of characters...) RurouniKenshin@listbot.com 20/9/98