DISCLAIMER: Rurouni Kenshin characters (c) Watsuki Nobuhiro, Shueisha, Sony Entertainment and whatnots. I am borrowing characters, not making any money out of this and not worthed suing. I'm a poor student interested in writing stories to make others happy... so...

Minna - I don't write yaoi fics, so this is strictly a NON-YAOI fic. Yaoi lovers beware your disappoint, non-yaoi lovers, this is for you. ^_^x Those who proceed with my warnings, don't say I didn't. ^_^x

Chronicles of a Rurouni

Part Four: Conflicts of a cornered

Kodoku yori mo motto sabishii mono wa

[Something that is sadder than lonliness]
Sono kodoku ni kizukanai koto
[Is not realizing what lonliness is]
Donna hieta yoru no daichi mo sono shita ni
[No matter how cold the night is, under the ground]
Atataka sa o kakushite iru no sa
[There is warmth hidden]

~ Kuchibue ga Kikoeru
[I can hear whistling]
by Hiei (Hiyama Noboyuki)
Translation by Korogi Nagisa-san.


Despite an injured left forearm, Soujirou tightened his grip on the dagger, afraid that this one would fly away just like all the others had, previously. Beside him, Kamiya-san walked into the dojo with a slight whistle in tone, oblivious to Soujirou's plight behind her, while the latter simply pursed his lips and winced as the left forearm wound tore open...
The snow glistened, and nothing else was observed. Soujirou relaxed, not realizing how much he had tensed himself or how much his brows had frowned during those disturbing seconds. Gently prying the dagger away from his left palm, he started.
There was a note attached to it.

"Kaoru-dono, breakfast is ready." Kenshin beamed as Kaoru stepped into the kitchen, frowning. Being his usual observant self (of course), Kenshin took a step closer and gently inquired, "Is something the matter?"
Kaoru snapped out of her slight slumber and grinned maniacally. "Is something the matter? AHAHAHAHAHAAA! No, I don't think so... I don't..."
Suddenly pausing, Kaoru's glance fell the the ground instead. Unknown to Kenshin, Kaoru's little talk with Soujirou yesterday night in his abscence had stirred up quite so many emotions within the young girl, she was starting to receive the first bout of repercussions...
Nevertheless, Kenshin the greatest actor when it came to playing dumb, had a warm, chiding smile. "You know, Kaoru-dono, you sound exactly like Soujirou when you laughed just now."
"Soujirou..." Kaoru repeated with her bowed head, surprising Kenshin with her tone of concern. The young girl lifted her head up from the ground to pierce her stare through the doorframe leading to the main dojo, where Soujirou could still be seen, holding onto a piece of something.
If looks could kill, the paper Soujirou was holding would be french fries by now.
"There's something wrong with Soujirou..." Kaoru stammered, as if uncertain. In her lack of concentration, Kenshin had already stepped forward towards the lone figure of Soujirou. Shocked, Kaoru reached a hand out to stop Kenshin from advancing. One had to have their own moments of privacy, and if Kaoru herself could understand this, what was Kenshin doing then, by walking forward in slow, deliberate steps to break Soujirou's private train of thought?
She could do nothing but follow meekly and slowly behind.

Kenshin stopped with an acceptable distance between him and Soujirou. Was that Soujirou's hands faintly trembling? No, that was not important now... Kenshin coughed loudly, and made his presence known.
He knew this was a ridiculous question, but he was asking it anyway.
"Is there something wrong?"
The young boy shivered a little while more as Kaoru and Kenshin watched on in absolute anticipation. Finally, he stopped shaking and lifted his fearful eyes to face the duo addressing him. Swallowing hard, he barely managed to eke out a smile and a shaking "I guess I am..."
Kenshin narrowed his eyes. Soujirou needed to talk. He needed to talk desperately... but he was a stubborn boy, and he refused to talk. It would probably take alot more than just a few questions to finally purse out the reason behind his jittery nature now, but Kenshin was willing to try. To be able to grant another the fruits of peace in this new era, Kenshin was willing to try anything.
Behind him, Kaoru-dono suppressed a gasp.
"Soujirou!" She reached forward and practically pushed Kenshin to one side. Soujirou's eyes turned round and wondering. "Soujirou, your wound is open!" Kaoru grabbed Soujirou's left hand. Kenshin watched the poor boy wince as Kaoru-dono dragged him off, muttering every single way of torture should he tear his wound again, and for the second time noticed the piece of paper in Soujirou's hands.
Now where has he seen that before?
He frowned, but went his way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It was going to be a busy day today... with a few more extra guests. Now he just wondered whether there was going to be enough vegetables for lunch... or maybe they should just go to Akabeko for meals... wait, there wasn't enough money...
"OEI! Kenshin!" Yahiko's voice broke his train of thoughts. He smiled warmly at the young boy, who kicked away a piece of dojo wood lying on the floor and made his way to where Kenshin was standing. "So, what's for breakfast today?"
Kenshin laughed at the irony of the sentence. Was it just so that Yahiko ran out of things to say? Or was it just so that the default sentence when everyone woke up every morning was, "What's for breakfast?"?
Their voices faded into the background as they disappeared into the back of the dojo, dissolving into the shadows of the house. The birds chirped their tune for the morning. A wordless tune. An empty tune. It was almost foreboding and foreshadowing...
It was as hollow as the day itself, basking in the empty noises of the numb air.

The Kenshingumi was seated within the mess of the main dojo hall, enjoying a simple meal of veggies and whatnots. Soujirou also joined in, and was once again his usual self, laughing and giggling and making everyone else feel good. Sanosuke was, of course, glad that he could pinch off another free meal from Kaoru, while Megumi ate in silence, occasionally shooting a few flirtatious comments to Ken-san and end up quarreling with Kaoru, adding more to the humorous atmosphere. Yahiko was, needless to say, still angry with Soujirou for making off with his shinai and was now holding onto it for dear life, despite Soujirou apologizing repeatedly for his deed. Kenshin simply smiled and ate in silence, keeping his peace and calm as the balancing act for this almost over-bearing group...

Soujirou laughed in mock again when Yahiko scolded him (in a fun way) for making off with his shinai for the tenth time that morning. He stuffed his mouth with stuff to eat so he could observe the Kenshingumi in silence.
They were very united. Despite having little quarrels here and there they were really, truly a family built together without any blood ties, but with the ultimate familarity. If no one asked for family names, these people here would without a doubt be mistaken for an entire family... a peaceful family... fun and loving, kind and caring... a little quarrelsome but only because they wanted to maintain the joyous air...
He smiled. He had never felt this before, but the air of warmth glowed through his bones even. He looked at Himura-san, slightly envious of him for building such a close relationship with a wonderful family... then pitied himself. Being adopted into a family who had no care for his welfare and who always treated him with violence... Soujirou knew nothing about family warmth. He only knew about putting on emotional masks to deceive all those around him so he could survive... and surviving was so hard...
Soujirou put another piece of vegetable into his mouth, slowly digesting the food as well as the information. Himura-san had found his good family. But Soujirou had not... maybe Soujirou ALMOST did when he met *them* during that phase of his journey, but it ended so fast, Soujirou had no time to cry for the loss even...
... and now *he* was back... pursuing Soujirou. He was intent on ruining Soujirou, and if Soujirou didn't know better, *he* didn' want Soujirou to enjoy any life with anyone's surrogate family...
So maybe that was why *he* attacked Himura-san's family. He thought Soujirou belonged to Himura-san's family... so he wanted to destroy them, destroy them all and leave Soujirou in the same ruin he was then...
Soujirou started at his thoughts.
*He thought I belonged to Himura-san's family...*
The young boy looked around at the people around him, still eating and talking with no thought for the food or anything else, merely wanting to bask in the strong bonds of love probably unaware to themselves. Himura- san's family...
*If an outsider thought I belonged to Himura-san's family...*
The chopsticks slipped from his hands, but he managed to catch them before they clattered to the floor.
*... did it mean that Himura-san has accepted me into his family?*
Soujirou trembled slightly at the thought. A family to belong to... that sounded so weird... even Shishio-san had not offered a real solid warmth in his organization... and for someone like Soujirou, who had never experienced the bursting effects of having a loving family, this theory was really very weird...
But was it true? Did Himura-san and his companions see Soujirou as one of their own? Even though they were on opposing sides in the past? Yet that was merely because viewpoints were different. Now that Soujirou had amended his viewpoint, did it really make him part of Himura-san's...
... Family?
"Here, Soujirou." A voice cut his thoughts into half. Kaoru smiled at the shocked facade of Soujirou, large eyes staring with a look of amazement. "Have some more veggies."
"Yeh!" Sanosuke shouted from the other side of the table. "Better take them before the little doodle here finishes everything!" He flashed a thumbs-up sign at Soujirou.
While the mentioned subject Yahiko immediately jumped onto Sano and bit his head. "Who me? A little doodle??"
Megumi laughed from the other corner of the table, clasping her hands over as the two fought it out. "You're lucky Kaoru isn't cooking today, Soujirou..." She winked in her usual flirtatious way. "... her cooking could kill *anybody* in a duel..."
Immediately Kaoru's expression changed. Confronting the still laughing Megumi, they began to engage in the competition of words, trying to edge the other out by pure wit...
... while Kenshin tried desperately to stop the breakfast fray.
Soujirou smiled.
It sure felt good being treated as one of them. An uncompromising treatment, where his belonging was not just because of someone else's benefit, nor was Soujirou anymore trapped feeling like a manipulated pawn serving for what gratitude he owed for... Shishio-san...
Soujirou Soujirou... will you still depart from these people who see you as their own?
Himura-san's laughter bowled over the entire house as Yahiko was thrown onto him when Sano attempted to tear him out of his hair.
*One day... just one more day and I'll leave...*

The day was bright, and the sun was clear. It was definitely a better sign than having pure white droplets of whatnots flowing into your eyes at every one second's difference. Kenshin straightened the threads of the white garments he held in his hands, smiling at the chilling breeze gently licking in his face, coupled by the awkwardly strong sting of sun shining from above. Wind and sun, this would make a good day for hanging out all the clothes that didn't get dry last night...
A few noises evolved from the distance, so he naturally assumed that it was Kaoru forcing the boys to dust up the dojo. Chuckling a little, he couldn't help but marvel at the tremendous amount of energy and thick skin this girl had...
... and yes, still as innocent as ever, Kaoru-dono... no matter how stubborn her actions professed her to be, of course.
Kenshin flipped another garment over the string hung up for the exact purpose of drying. He spread it out evenly over the string and smoothed the ruffled edges, bending down to pick up another piece of garment, this time a little more stiff, in total coordination with the sudden breeze which whipped up.
Except he didn't really stiffen because of the wind.
He was being watched.
Kenshin wasn't sure who was there, but there was definitely a foul presence outside the walls of the dojo. The calm presence of the snow and the icy silence of the streets almost devoid Kenshin of this privilege of knowing, but all these years of perked-up senses was not for nothing, and Kenshin knew that himself.
Footsteps were approaching. He merely shot a stare over his slitted eyes to the direction of the sound.
It was Soujirou.
There was something wrong with the young man's eyes. A glimmer of fear perhaps, but otherwise everything about the young man's demure was fine and appropriate. His hands were locked behind him as he approached Kenshin.
Soujirou bent to collect a piece of laundry. "Let me help, Himura- san." His quiet, softly authorative voice stated plainly. Kenshin didn't need to give a sign of approval, for Soujirou had already flipped the piece of garment over an empty space on the string, carefully ebbing out the rough edges.
The winds collected the folds of the pristine white sheets in it's path, whipping it all around. Soujirou bent down to pick up another piece of garment, his eyes deep and unreadable, when he uttered a small, almost inaudible sentence.
"You feel him too, Himura-san?"
Kenshin had no reason to jump five feet out of his skin for Soujirou's insight upon this matter, so he merely shrugged and tried to pin down the flying pieces of garment. That was not all he was going to do, of course, for he could see Soujirou totally tense up as he grabbed the cloth in his hands, almost refusing to let go or stand up from his hunched position. "Not now, Soujirou. We have to bide our time."
Kenshin smiled, facing the white sheets, not caring whether Soujirou heard or not. He suddenly realized that he had no need to worry for the boy at all. After all, if he was to grow up, he had to do it himself. Kenshin wouldn't always be there to warn him about the dos and don'ts of a Rurouni, finding out himself would be much more entertaining...
... and destructive, of course. But that was the only way to learn... the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu style...
Kenshin snickered as a scenario with Hiko flashed past his mind.
Soujirou merely proceeded to peg the sheets down onto the string beside him, in total silence.

He wondered, briefly, what could amuse Himura-san so much to make him want to smile into a clear white sheet of nothing, with eyes closed, no less. Once again, the man's words rebounded clearly off the four corners of his brain walls, seeping in as he even gathered himself to stand up.
*Not now, Soujirou. _WE_ have to bide _OUR_ time.*
We? Our? Himura-san's family and... me?
It was still hard to swallow and accept of course... but he felt stupid. If he could advice Kamiya-san on how to accept why Kenshin wouldn't completely be attached to the Tokyo family, why couldn't he convince himself on the same topic with a slight twist? He shook his head, not knowing what to do or what to think, only standing up, slightly dazed from thinking too much, and then reaching out to peg the sheets to the string.
*Not know, Soujirou...* He plaintatively warned himself. *You cannot feel that you belong to a family right at this moment Soujirou...* He sneaked a glance at Himura-san, still chuckling over something very amusing. *You'll only get them in to more trouble, get yourself into more guilt... so get REAL, Soujirou!!*
Slightly, he could feel the presence of the spy still outside the dojo walls, and he hated it. He hated feeling threatened, and he hated making others feel threatened. But there was something about these emotions which always brought his logic to a downfall, leading to more sorrow than joy... like... like...

Kenshin continued staring at Soujirou, very *very* amused. He knew that he hadn't really gotten to know Soujirou very well, and probably wouldn't be any time soon, but this was a feeling of nostalgic... deja vu even...
Soujirou was pegging clothes pegs to thin air in particular. So absorbed in his own thoughts, everything else was secondary to him was it? Didn't this feel exactly like what Hiko and Kenshin shared when they were training in the mountains many many years ago?
A sudden thought struck Kenshin. Maybe he could? The Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu... ?
It was shaken off as quickly as it came. Soujirou? Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu? Naaaaaaaah... but now that the thought was raised Kenshin was certainly going to spend a considerable amount of time pondering over this particular point, even though the answer was already set.
He just wished he could have met the boy earlier, then maybe teach him, like what Hiko taught Kenshin, the rules of living, the morals of existence... what it really meant to wield a sword and fight... why was it necessary and when was it not...
First, to snap sweet Soujirou out of his slumber...

He watched, his emotions guarded carefully.
He will pay. Soujirou will pay dearly for everything he ever did, and was ever going to do.
Snarling, he noticed the girl emerge from the dojo doors, towards the other two doing the laundry. Housework was never Soujirou's forte was it? Amusing thought that he'd choose this time to undertake it...
He smirked.
It was fine. After all, Soujirou would never get another chance to do any housework anymore.
Never.
He grinned again, playing with his 'pets'.

"AH! Soujirou! So there you are!"
Kenshin turned to observe Kaoru-dono make her way towards the duo, squishing snow in the event. Even Soujirou had shaken himself out of the realms of his pondering thoughts to wince and face the girl with a slight flush in his cheeks.
"Ka... Kamiya-san..."
Ah. Good. Now I don't have to snap Soujirou out of his slumber. Kenshin gave his biggest and widest smile.
Kaoru came closer, clucking her tongue as she did. Judging from her expressions however, she was nowhere near the degree of amusement the noise was making her to be.
Soujirou braced himself for the lecture in stall for him, which he already had a name for. 10 Reasons Why You Have No Reason To Suddenly Leave The Dojo When It Hasn't Been Fixed Up Satisfiably Yet. Kamiya-san stepped into close range and folded her arms gently, chin tilted in a defiant attempt to look as tall and menancing as possible.
"You two,"
Kenshin's eyes widened in effect. I'm involved too?
"are hopeless."
"Ara?"
"Oro?"
Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know if it's just because you two look like girls that you two are acting like one, or if it's just because the hidden rules of a Rurouni states it." She faced the two confused Rurounis, triumph obvious in her gleaming eyes. "But anyway, I just came to tell you two hopeless, completely-in-love-with-housework men that the dojo's quite patched up by now..."
Soujirou blinked, as Kaoru threw him what seemed like a glare. "No thanks to you, of course..."
He could only sheepishly grin. "Sorry..." He muttered, right hand automatically reaching out to scratch at the bandages binding his wound on the left forearm. It was sort of an unconscious movement, but it did have reason behind it. For since this morning, the wound had began to itch like crazy, only that he was polite enough not to scratch it all the time.
Unfortunately, our great doctor Takani Megumi was walking around the courtyards at the moment.
"How DARE you!"
Soujirou was whiffed off in a smoke storm before Kenshin could even pull off his Ama Kakeru Ryuu no Hirameki. "Megumi-dono!" Kenshin started after a while, slightly dazed at the speed Soujirou had been swept off in. He got a reply of all the medical recipes Megumi knew, travelling through the air to perfectly demonstrate what a mess Soujirou had gotten himself into now.
"And you should know better than to do that! What if it got infected?!?"
"Takani-san... it's in bandages..."
"I don't CARE if it's in bandages! See! The blood is seeping through already! You don't know WHAT could happen with these injuries... skin peeling off, bones turning green, the entire arm rotting..."
"Takani-san!"
"... slowly spreading through your body, smell like a corpse, all because of one careless mistake in scratching an open wound which hasn't healed..."
"TAKANI-SAN!"
Kenshin sweatdropped. Soujirou was desperate by now, judging from the tone in his voice. He listened as they disappeared into a quieter and more 'sterilized' place to take a look at Soujirou's arm. Kaoru-dono's facial expressions were nowhere near sympathatic, too.
"Well, Megumi-san can take care of that bob-head." She quietly stated, her eyes snapped shut from since Megumi started her prescription. Kenshin smiled, not knowing who was there to appreciate it, but smiled anyway. He pegged the last piece of laundry to the strings and then took the bucket in his arms, turning to Kaoru-dono, who was still standing there in observation.
He took her hand.
"Come." His gentle smile warmed his expressions as Kaoru looked up at him in absolute surprise. "Let's continue that cooking lesson." Kenshin gently reminded, watching Kaoru's face light up a million watts, nodding in high frequency as she did.
As if her red cheeks weren't enough to show her excitement.

The dojo looked...
... horrible. To say the least. Sanosuke and Yahiko had been mainly working on it under Kaoru's almost non-existant supervision, and it ended up looking...
... horrible.
Sano nailed the last piece of wood to cover up the broken wall which had made the dojo windier than usual, giving a small triumphant noise as he did. He stepped back to enjoy his masterpiece, along with all the others. So far so good. They'd managed to patch up all the holes, paint over a few of the cracks and completely fixed up the floor as well as cleaned up the place. Now, if there was anything else to do...
Sighing, Yahiko chose a place in the now much cleared up dojo grounds to sit down in. "If Soujirou chooses to wreck up the dojo again, I am not going to be the one to fix it up." He adamantly decided, sliding his eyes shut in awareness of his tired form.
"Oh well." Sano took his hand to the back of his head. "At least this place isn't as inhumanely warped up as Soujirou's room in Shishio's hideout..."
There was a spark of interest generated in Yahiko's eyes. He pouted a little and then looked up at Sanosuke. "Sano, just... how powerful is... Soujirou?"
Sano drew in a huge tank of air. Did not Yahiko already knew from what Chou had told them when they were in Aoiya? Never mind... it wouldn't do harm retelling the tale of the fastest fighters around... "Soujirou is... very powerful. When he was in his emotionless state, Kenshin could not hope to defeat him, merely to tire him."
"What!?"
"He... was... probably still is, faster than Kenshin. But he still lost to Kenshin during their second duel. His sword was shattered, so was his ideals... and he no longer came all smiles just. He began to feel... then he decided to take up this challenge as a rurouni. To journey for ten years just like Kenshin, without the sword, to find out the 'truth', or so to say..."
"Just like Kenshin..." A meaningless mumble evolved from under Yahiko's breath, transpiring through his silent thoughts. Suddenly, he hopped onto his feet and revealed his cheerful eyes, once again with renewed optimitism. "ALL RIGHT! Then I'm no longer angry at him for sniping my shinai or taking Kenshin's attention away."
Sanosuke laughed. Did Kenshin ever give anybody absolute attention other than Kaoru? He shook his head, settling next to a pile of wood while Yahiko marched out of the main dojo halls in search of... something...

"This is... nothing I've ever seen before!" Megumi exclaimed, taking Soujirou's left forearm nearer to the light in examination. "What... what kind of a poison is this?"
"I... don't know, Takani-san. If you're the doctor and you don't know, I don't suppose I would, would I?" Soujirou gently eased his smarting forearm out from Megumi's painful grip, attempting to scratch at the sides of the now rotten patch of skin.
His left forearm was awful looking. An entire area of skin had dried up and rotted, in effect to the smell of dead corpse his forearm was filling their noses with. Soujirou bit his lips, unable to bear with the itch that was permeating through his arm. His right arm curled up into a half-fist, then started to be tightly clenched against his palms, whitening the hand even as the convulsion of blood vessels began. He was perspiring, dreadfully, and it wasn't even hot in all the snow cooling off.
"Do you feel fine? Are you in pain in any other part of the body?"
Soujirou sucked in a huge draught of air and shook his head, feeling his nerves trembling. "No, there is no other pain..."
Megumi took another look at the awfully peeled skin again, then let her professionally trained ethics take over. She took out a set of something from her medicine box, swiping up two fingerfuls and then applying them over the dead and dropping skin.
"Aren't... you... going to remove the skin?" Soujirou asked, painfully. Megumi shook her head defiantly.
"Can't do. Unknown poison spells unknown troubles for bizarre attempts to cure..." She withdrew her hand a little as she felt Soujirou tense under her touch, then returned to spreading the lotion over his arm. "This is the safest method. I'll try to find out the cause later... keep your hand away from that wound, Soujirou!" She almost screamed, slapping Soujirou's right hand and preventing him from scratching the wound any further.
Megumi went to get the bandages and Soujirou noticed that the wound was spreading little by little as he watched. It turned blue black at first at the region nearer the dead skin, then the skin started to just peel off and turn brown, colour of rot.
He reached his right hand over the wound, but stopped and decided to scratch the fringe of all the dead skin instead.
*I'll get you for this...* Soujirou glared at the wound. *I WILL. I know I was wrong, but you can't destroy my arm just like that... and I know how to cure this. I will settle this with you... yet.*
Megumi returned with the bandages. She told Soujirou to keep his gi sleeves folded to the elbow so as to let the wound breathe through the linen. He agreed.
"Takani-san?"
"Yes?"
"You won't tell anyone would you?"
"..."
"Please?"

Night fell, stars shone. The snow glistened even more under the intense glittering of millions of other galaxy lights falling upon them. Soujirou sat, in the same place he awoke that morning with a blanket over him to keep the warmth in. Sagara-san had left that morning after a few of his friends talked about 'swimming' and they needed four persons for that. Myoujin-san and Kamiya-san were sleeping, as was Himura-san. Takani-san had been reluctant to leave, only doing so after stricting warning Soujirou NEVER to scratch his wound, and telling Kamiya-san NEVER to let Soujirou out of the dojo without her permission.
Of course, when Soujirou tried to excuse himself, Takani-san's orders were put into place very well indeed.
*They don't know the trouble they're going to get into...* Soujirou sighed inwardly. No, not another one. Himura-san had enough enemies to worry about without getting a headache over Soujirou's enemies...
His eyes drifted from the enchanting snow to the well, now covered and probably with only half a well of usable liquid left. He could visionize the scene today, as he and Himura-san hid behind the white sheets, discussing the enemy's presence together. It gave him a warm feeling, a feeling he had not felt for since he was born...
... yes, it was love. Family love... it felt soooo good...
Shifting view from the line of where the clothes last hung, he sighed again, impeccably. Soujirou dipped his head down again.
*They don't know... they're going to get into big big trouble...*
*Only because you didn't tell them.* Another side of Soujirou barked at him. *If they get hurt, YOU are the only reason why.*
*But I didn't tell them to not involve them so they wouldn't get hurt! If I told them...*
*IF you told them, they will be better prepared when your enemy finally makes his appearance.*
*But... But...*
This was useless. No one ever quarrelled with himself, unless they had a split personality or something, but it was true too that everyone had their own internal conflicts to deal with. The reason behind all that hassle before the to-do-or-not-to-do decision is finally set... deserves a substential amount of ponderment, if not wonderment.
The young boy got up and let his blanket collapse into a gentle pile by the floorboards around his feet, then silent made his way towards the snow and the exit of the dojo.

Kenshin turned around on his futon, brows creased in a little war of thoughts. Now what was it he wanted to tell Soujirou about? Just what just what was it that was so important Kenshin had practically forgotten about it all? Something to do with a piece of paper, he believed.
He lit the lamp by the side and sat up, rubbing his temples. Tonight would be a sleepless night, as were so many other nights, while Kenshin worried about the safety of his latest family and planned the schedule of tomorrow. Unlike what others thought, Kenshin was very much not the image of a carefree rurouni, a lofty wanderer or any other regal titles given to him as a result of his messy way of organization...
Not that he was messy of course. He was probably the neatest rurouni ever wandered into Tokyo, now the title being challenged by Soujirou, but his way of planning stuff was just... a wreck. He never seemed to plan what he was going to do next, taking one step as the other step goes...
... or so he wanted us all to think mayhaps?
It was a cold night. Yup. Kenshin reached into his sleeves to embrace the warmth built up in those threads.
Hmmm... what was this? A piece of paper?

His hand stopped on the dojo door slides. If he left now, he left now, and he would never turn back and never get involved in Himura-san's family again. Wouldn't that be for the best? They wouldn't get hurt because of him, and just like Himura-san, he knew that they were the worthiest to be protected. Housing Soujirou on the corridors had been a bad idea, no doubt, or maybe they simply trusted him too much not to sneak off in the middle of the night? Just like what he was desiring to do now?
The hand trembled slightly, but showed no sign of being put down. Finally, after a little struggle within himself, he brought his hands to his sides and turned around to look at the dojo.
At the well, at the lines where the clothes would hang. At the blanket abruptly laid upon a heap to indicate sudden departure, at the entire structure in itself, seemingly beckoning to his emotions, nurturing his yearn to stay, to belong...
He could feel his enemy laughing at him. At his stubborness, at his muddled ways of making decisions, where he would ponder out the possibilities so well there were no more space for anymore to be crammed in. Except that, of course, his enemy couldn't have possibly be here. He felt no one's presence, he felt no one...
... yet he wasn't empty. Not thoroughly, anyway, though he was still hollow around the heart. Most of his heart had been filled with, yes, that 'warmth' as earlier mentioned, and he was willing to accept it. He liked that feeling. He really did... and he was grateful to all who had helped play a part in the filling of that void.
Kamiya-san... her food may taste horrible, but they were sprinkled with an extra season of love and effort, of her love for the people she was preparing the food for, and the effort she put so much into in hope that they would all enjoy it in their prosperity. Surely it hurt being told her food stank, but beyond that, Kamiya-san, and all the others, knew and appreciated her 'cooking', and more importantly, *her*.
Takani-san. She may seem like a fox reincarnate, her personalities belied her nature to be totally cunning and wily like, an exact semblance of a fox at prey. But what she developed through many years of surviving on her own, of all the things unknown to many, was the practical theories in her head, practical theories to get through life with. She still kept a happy outlook despite her obvious loss of family early in life, and her willingness to employ all her abilities to cure the ones she loved, be it physically or mentally, showed just how much she cherished those around her.
Sagara-san. Of course, his outrageous attitude and behavior, his brash nature and impulsive personality were merely the flaws to his character. If one may so speak of his virtues, it may not be something that was spoken just so. His virtues could not be just stated out, one by one. His virtues spoke in himself, he would naturally never admit to the fact that he was indeed caring and generous for example, but his smiles, that strong will of loyalty and desire to live despite his way of life, was an evidence by itself what a strong character he was.
Myoujin-san. A small boy, a small boy indeed, but big at heart, big in his ambitions and big at almost everything else. His theories required big fulfillments, he had big goals, but those were not big beyond reaching. He was a young boy with a fiery spirit constantly kindled by those around him. He would, like Sagara-san never admit to this fact, but Soujirou, as the observer was clear in this aspect. The ties Myoujin-san felt towards the rest were either as strong, or stronger than everyone else. Despite being the so-called 'small kid' and 'weaker of the lot', his desire to protect those around him, just like Kenshin, was undeniably strong. He had a will of steel and it would be just as hard to break his confidence, his absolute confidence in the abilities of Himura-san...
Himura-san. The Rurouni of Tokyo, of Japan, *the* original. Himura- san had two hands full of the blood of those lives he had claimed without properly holding their names in grasp. He was called for, and he spilt their blood. Their vengeance was not personal, nor were they indebted to anything but the obligation of duty. Their goals and ideals were the same, to push over the chaotic and corrupt era of Tokugawa and build a new one by themselves, some wanting swords to rule, others wanting just peace acquired by war... their only difference, was their difference in opinion, in viewpoint and on the beliefs they stood by.
Yet a life was a life. Himura-san knew that, so he was willing to redeem himself. He journeyed, losing more of his youth to a pledge to save and refresh Japan after losing all of his puberty age to a cause for killing.
So he stayed with a new family now. Had he... fully redeemed himself so that he felt it would be all right to grant people passive happiness?
Together, they were pillars to a beautiful family. Soujirou pictured the lot of them gathered in a morning breakfast quarrel, just like that morning. Where, indeed, did Soujirou fit in all these? He would bring them nothing, they needed nothing from him, but in time, would that all change?
He looked into the main dojo halls through the main entrance, the door still opened. For a moment, he could see himself, seated with the Kenshingumi, having the breakfast, reliving that ecstatic feeling once again.
*Here, Soujirou.* Kamiya-san had said while she gave him more vegetables.
*Better take them before the little doodle here finishes everything!* Sagara-san had joined in the conversation.
*Who me?* Myoujin-san had demanded.
*You're lucky Kaoru isn't cooking today...* Takani-san had joked in that sly way of hers, making Soujirou, then and now, chuckle with appreciation.
And Himura-san had laughed. They'd all given him that *look*. A look of love, of acceptance.
They made him feel so happy. Could he leave them now? Would they be angry with him if he did? Soujirou started. He would never EVER want to make Himura-san's family angry or have any negative thoughts, after knowing them to be so good and well.
But what could he bring them? Soujirou had nothing, he could do nothing without a sword, without a real ideal to work towards to.
Then again, would Soujirou's enemy give up bothering Himura-san's family if he left? Soujirou winced, suddenly feeling a pang of pain shoot through his entire left arm, resulting in an immediate itch in his wound. Biting his lips, Soujirou gently rubbed the surface of the dead skin, hoping the heat would kill the germs involved in making his arm itch like crazy. This was the dagger he took for Kamiya-san. If he hadn't stopped it in time, Kamiya-san would be...
... no. Soujirou's enemy would not let off Himura-san's family even if Soujirou left them.
He retreated a step back away from the exit of the dojo as a whole. It would do no good for him to leave them, so before he did, he would tell them what all this was about. It would prepare them, and he would leave with a good conscience afterwards. After all that had happened, Himura-san had already detected something, it wasn't fair to keep all these who treated him as their own in the dark of this matter, this issue.
Himura-san would understand. Himura-san was a rurouni, he had roamed the land and had seen all sorts of situations. He would be wiser in this aspect. Himura-san would know...

*Hmmm...* Kenshin gently stroked his lower chin, unfolding the paper then folding it into his sleeves again. *The same words Soujirou had on that paper he was holding this morning. I wonder if he knows anything about this...*
Kenshin laid the cushion out on the floor and knelt down on it. Since he couldn't sleep, he might as well stay up and keep a look out for that mysterious new enemy. As usual, he had this irascible bugging behind his mind that Soujirou knew who this new enemy was. He, for once, had no idea as to who and why they were being attacked. But if Soujirou was the one...
... Kenshin tightened the grip on the sheath of his sakabatou, eyes narrowing into slits again.
If Soujirou was the target, Kenshin would protect him to the end, a compensation for what he did not do when Soujirou's adopted family had placed him on the brink of death... it was what he had promised Soujirou, what made Soujirou snap back into reality. Kenshin would protect him, just as he would protect Kaoru-dono, Yahiko... all of them...
FOOTSTEPS!
But they were calm and... non-antagonistic. They stopped dead outside his room doors, and paused for a while, as if locked in an internal conflict whether to continue or not. Kenshin was still knelt on the cushion, and he awaited in peace.
If Soujirou wanted to enter, he would enter. The light in Kenshin's chamber would show that he was still up. Soujirou was in need of something, Soujirou was confused... Kenshin felt like this before, but he managed to go through it. If Soujirou needed answers, he was sure he could direct him to them...
A few more seconds passed before Kenshin's room door slid open, and a very distraught looking Soujirou stepped in, eyes welling with emotions. "Himura-san." He began.
Kenshin looked up from his knelt position, gently welcoming Soujirou with a smile. Soujirou collapsed into a kneel in front of Kenshin, sighing greatly as he did. He did not say another word after that, only sulking in his own position, then finally slamming both his hands onto the floor in utter frustration.
"You win, Himura-san..." The voice bagged a wholesome full of small amusement. "You and your family... you win..."
Kenshin merely laughed. Soujirou, such a sweet child, if only Kenshin had a son like him... He simmered down. A son, oh yes, a son, if only... Tomoe... his heart wrenched in pain. Kenshin loved Tomoe so much... why she had chose to die in his place forever puzzled him, but he really loved her very much, and to have her die was what made him come to terms with what his Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu could and could not do. Tomoe...
Kenshin wasn't so sure. Soujirou did not deserve all these pain at all... if only Kenshin had been there to protect him instead of Shishio, indeed. The young ones, they should have been the ones with the hope, and not tainted with the scars of a long gone era, the scars of something they did not participate consciously in...
"Soujirou." Kenshin's firm voice broke the silence. "Tell me, about him."
"Who, Himura-san?" Soujirou's voice was trembling from trying to hide the pain. Being experienced in hiding these kind of things, Soujirou's tremble in his voice sounded merely an aftermath of a snow walk outside in the courtyards.
"Him."
Soujirou sniffed a little. From what, Kenshin was not sure. Now, it was Kenshin's turn to sigh. When someone was stubborn, it took more than a nutcracker to crack their shell. But it was possible. With Soujirou, he had all the more reason to back up this claim.
"Soujirou." Kenshin tried again. "I've said it once, and if I might say it again... Soujirou. I wasn't there to protect you when you needed someone like that most, and knowing you now, I cannot deny it, I have no reason to say a denial... but right now, if history is to repeat itself, it is not too late for me, therefore, to start protecting you all over again?"
Silence.
"Soujirou?"
The young rurouni shifted his position slightly, before finally looking up.
"His name is Murasaki."

END PART 4

bread@bread.freeservers.com
15/6/98


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