Subject: [RKFF] Fwd: Razzz's Dreamscapes (NEWBIE ALERT!!!) Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1998 21:53:13 -0500 From: RobinKloster To: rkfanfics@makelist.com, kenshinfanfics@makelist.com um... o_o she sent this to the list and it got bumped to me. ^_^;; Don't know if she's on it or not. - Meimi 'Voodoo Martian' QOTD: "ne1 ce some1 named Seesul" ________________________________________________________________________ --------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Razzz's Dreamscapes (NEWBIE ALERT!!!) Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 19:01:57 -0700 From: Elizabeth Bass To: rkfanfics@makelist.com Dreamscapes By Razzz (or liz or lizard or whatever) Razzzberi@hotmail.com, ebass@sas.upenn.edu Hmm, newbie here!! HI!!!! Don’t be too harsh – I’ve only seen the first four eps so I’m not so good at characterization and stuff. HOPEFULLY!! I’ll see more this school year at the dear old Penn JAC – should they ever decide to start up again!!! (HURRY GUYS!!) thanks to UCLA JAC!!! For letting me see the few eps I did though – they rocked. Odd – this idea came to me during a jazz concert. Well, bye, thanks. and o yeah -disclaimer - I don't own RK - OBVIOUSLY!!!! WELL DUH!! And her eyes fluttered slowly in surprise, murky blue in their confusion, as she felt something warm snake it’s way across her waist, encircling her intimately, feeling the heat transfer from his body to her own. And she was vaguely aware of him behind her, softly pressed against her back, holding her to him or her leaning back against him, she knew not which, just that there was no escaping it, no escaping him. She shivered, as a feeling passed through her. His hair brushed her shoulder, his head stooped low beside the tendons of her neck which now stood taut, the moisture of his breath gathering below her ear as she felt his cold breath upon her skin and the almost touch of his lips, causing her to only shake more. “Kamiya Kaoru.” And her eyes stood wide open, as she felt that emotion pass through her again, and she felt as though she could recognize it this time. O gods . . . “Kamiya Kaoru.” O gods . . . O dear gods . . . “Kamiya Kaoru.” She shivered once more as the emotions threatened to break through in unrelenting waves. “Kamiya Kaoru. . . . “ “Kaoru . . .” “Kaoru Do . . . “Kaoru Dono . . . “ “Kaoru dono . . . ?” “GET UP YA OLD HAG!!!!” And it took the insult of a child to wake Kamiya Kaoru from her dreams. “It ain’t helping you much, so quit with the beauty rest!” Kaoru shook her head, willing the sleep to leave her, blinking away the confusion in her eyes and her mind. She looked towards Kenshin, a small, patient smile on his face, as always. “Are you all right Kaoru dono?” he asked, his voice remaining so level, so calm. She opened her mouth to speak, yet found it mysteriously dry. She abruptly shut it and ran a shaky had through her damp hair. Perspiration covered her, and, the sheets were twisted about her feet. She looked back up at Kenshin, still feeling the slightest tendrils of the mist surrounding her. “Ken . . . shin?” “Are you all right Kaoru dono?” he asked again, this time, a change in his voice, so subtle most would have missed it. But she did not. She could recognize, after all this time together, the slightest change of tone, the slightest skipped beat that mapped his heart. She smiled as she recognized that change – worry. She wondered if he had any idea that he gave himself away so easily to her, could not hide from her what he wanted to hide from everyone else. She quietly looked at him, cocking her head to the side, trying to remember the dream that was so quickly escaping her. Why could she barely remember? “You are all right, aren’t you Kaoru dono? We heard noises from your room.” Kenshin said, kneeling down beside her, taking in everything about her, making sure with his own eyes that she was indeed all right. And yet, why then, did it appear that her eyes were still clouded. What remnant of her nightmare still lingered? And why had it bothered her so deeply? “Noises?” Kaoru asked softly, still muddled. She wanted to grasp on to the dream. It seemed so important, and yet, though she reached out for it, she couldn’t quite catch it. “You woke us up! How is anyone supposed to sleep with you thrashing around like that!” Yahiko yelled, peeved at his master. “A dream.” She whispered. “It was just a dream.” Then louder, “I’m sorry I woke you two up.” Kenshin shook his head, indicating that it didn’t matter. “A nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?” “I . . .” it was all becoming so fuzzy! She wanted to remember this dream so much! And then, a flash in her mind, leaving as quickly as it came, quick snapshots of her subconscious. A warm arm around her. Whispered words in her ear. And then it was gone. “ . . . I don’t remember.” Kaoru said quickly, shaking her head. Yet, why then, could she feel the blush rise in her cheeks? “Sure ya don’t. Whatcha blushin’ for then? Hentai!! KAORU NO HENTAI!!” Yahiko teased, pointing at his flushed master. Kaoru instantly jerked her head up, lips thinned in irritation, as she slowly began to rise. “YA- HIIIII- KOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” And in a flash, the student was flying out the door, with the master closely on his heels, broom in hand. A faint smile passed Kenshin’s lips as he heard the crash of pots in the kitchen, followed by a cry of anger from Kaoru. It appeared that everything was as it should be. Kenshin warily stole glances at the girl drying the dishes beside him, taking in every detail of her visage. The dark circles under her eyes. The tired expression. The dullness of her eyes. The small lines of worry that had found their way on her face. She had no idea of knowing that every night he had watched her, and every night, his heart had collapsed as he watched her dream a dark and unknown dream, a nightmare so real, yet so fleeting that she could not recall it. For a month, Kaoru had been having such dreams, or nightmares. He did not know which they were for every morning she awoke, she claimed she could not recall what she had only moments ago experienced in spirit. Yet it was eating at her, and the idea of her in such torment practically physically hurt him. He knew, despite her protests that all was well, that she was getting no more than 4 hours of rest a night. He was . . . worried to say the very least. The dreams were sapping her strength. Even the usual bickering with Yahiko had stopped. And the fact that suddenly, every student, save Yahiko, of the Kamiya dojo had unexpectedly dropped out of the school had not helped keep her moods up. Instead, the exhaustion and the disappointment quickly turned her anger to something much more mellow, almost defeat. Kenshin reached for the soap, his mind occupied only with thoughts of Kaoru. A crash of porcelain jerked his head towards the source. “KAORU DONO!!” he rushed to her, kneeling beside her as she frantically picked up the broken pieces of a dish from the floor. “What happened? Are you all right?” “I, I just . . . I’m fine Kenshin. I just dropped a dish.” She said with a wary smile. “I guess I’m just a little tired. Or something.” “If you’re tired Kaoru dono, perhaps you should go to bed.” Kenshin said. Kaoru shook her head stubbornly. “I’m fine. Really Kenshin. I’m just a little tired, it’s nothing to worry about.” Kenshin shook his head,, frowning a little. “Kaoru dono.” He said softly, taking one of her hands in his. “Onegai. Please, get some rest.” Kaoru blushed, staring at his hand, which was firmly placed over hers, and the iris eyes that gently probed her own. With a small smile of satisfaction, she realized that Kenshin was actually worried! And about her! “Kenshin . . . “ Perhaps he did care, perhaps . . . “Come Kaoru dono.” Kenshin said softly, helping her to her feet and leading her away from the kitchen, back to her room. She followed him wordlessly, her mind still replaying him holding her hand over and over again. “Let’s get some rest now, ok?” She could only nod. And, come to think of it, she was a little tired. Tired. So, so tired . . . Kenshin sighed as he tucked the blankets around her. She had drifted to sleep the moment she had lain down. Even in sleep, her face still betrayed the exhaustion. Yet, at least, she was peaceful. Hopefully, the dreams would stay away, allow her to get the sleep she so desperately needed. He could only hope. Glancing at her sleeping form again, brushing away an errant strand of hair, he prayed that her troubles would leave, wishing that he could do something, anything! All he wanted to do was protect those who meant the most to him, but how could he protect the one that meant the ABSOLUTE most to him if it was her own mind that betrayed her? He hoped she could not tell how much this hurt him, the helplessness of it all, the fear, so irrational, for they were only dreams, weren’t they? He quietly shut the door behind him, leaning against it for a moment. “Sleep well . . . . Kaoru . . . “ Kenshin did not really mind doing the dishes; it gave him time to think, time to reflect. Lately however, his mind could only reflect on her. Was it his growing concern, was it the fact that he was fall . . . no! He could not, would not let it come to that. And yet . . . so inviting . . . to no longer be alone . . . He sighed wistfully. “KENSHIN!!!!!!!” Kenshin whipped around towards the source of the angry voice behind him. “Oro?” “You’re gonna get it!! LET ME AT HIM!!!!!” “Ororo!?!?!?!” “Calm down Yahiko chan.” Sagara Sanosuke commanded, grabbing hold of the back of Yahiko’s shirt and holding him in place, stopping him from charging a very bewildered rorouni. “But he . . . Kaoru . . . He’s gotta . . . YAHIKO CHAN!! WHY YOU . . . !!!“ “I said shaddup kid!” “ORORORORORO!!!” “So you’re just gonna let them get away with it!!!!!” Yahiko yelled, scrambling up Sanosuke’s back and taking hold of his hair. Sanosuke yelled out angrily, shaking his head to get the unwanted pest out of his hair – literally. “Please, Kaoru dono is sleeping. You’ll wake her.” Kenshin said calmly, yet firmly, in a voice that intoned there would be no arguing. Both Sanosuke and Yahiko stopped their bickering to look at Kenshin. As the words set in, Yahiko blushed furiously, and Sanosuke just grinned. “Why you . . . who knew you had it in you Kenshin. You and Jou chan, huh?” “Oro?” What the heck was Sano talking about? “You better marry her Kenshin or else! She might be an ugly hag but I won’t let you take advantage of her!” Yahiko cried, shaking a fist as menacingly as he could at Kenshin. Behind the boy, Sanosuke laughed, and Yahiko glared at him angrily. “M, m, marry? Kaoru? Kenshin asked, too shocked to even remember to add the c suffix. “What do you mean? Sanosuke? What’s going on?” “Don’t give me that Kenshin. EVERYONE KNOWS what’s going on.” Yahiko said. “You better treat that old hag right or I’ll never forgive you! You can’t just drag her name through the mud like that – so get to it!” “Get to what!” Kenshin said, his voice raised in irritation. Yahiko obviously was worked up over something. But what? Something big, to make him so protective of Kaoru so suddenly. “Sanosuke, would you please explain what the problem is?” “You’re so dense sometimes, Kenshin,” Sanosuke said with a laugh. “What I don’t get is why you never told me. I mean, I’d tell you. We are men after all.” “Sanosuke.” Kenshin said slowly, annoyed. “I don’t know what it was that I was supposed to tell you.” “C’mon. Everyone knows. Hell, we heard it from the guy in the fish market who heard it from the barber who heard it from the mailman who heard it at the Akabeko who . . . you really don’t know what we’re talking about?” “No. Now, if you please?” “The rumors. You haven’t heard them?” “It’s why no one wants to come here to learn! That’s what Yukio and the others said!” Yahiko said angrily. “How could you not know! What, did you think you could hide it forever! I mean-“ Sanosuke thumped Yahiko soundly on the head. “Kid, would you be quiet for a second.” Then, turning to Kenshin. “Ok, now, you mean to tell me that when you’ve been into town, you haven’t heard anything? Haven’t been getting weird looks or anything?” “Oro?” Kenshin questioned. “I, I haven’t noticed. I’ve been preoccupied with Kaoru dono.” That was obviously the wrong thing to say. “KENSHIN!!!!” Sanosuke pounded on Yahiko’s head again. “I’ll bet Kenshin. What I want to know is why you aren’t as tired as Kaoru has been. I mean, it’s a joint effort, ne?” “Joint effort?” Kenshin turned back to the dishes. “If you are going to explain what’s going on, then do it. If not, let me do the dishes. Kaoru dono isn’t feeling well and I don’t want her to have to do any work.” “Yeah sure.” Sano said lewdly. “Listen, lemme clue you in Kenshin. There are rumors around town.” “Oro?” “Yeah, oro. They are about you and Jou chan.” “THEY SAID YOU AND HER WERE SCRMFFFFFFFF!!!!!” Sanosuke’s hand immediately clamped over the raging Yahiko’s mouth. “Tact kid. Let’s not just blurt it out. See, you know, these rumors, they um . . . insinuate, yeah, that’s it, insinuate, that you and her well, that you and her are doing some pretty . . . dishonorable stuff. Ya get my drift?” “Dishono . . . ORO!!!!” Kenshin cried in shock, finally getting Sanosuke’s ‘drift.’ “I, uh, she, we, didn’t, no . . . never . . . “Kenshin stammered, his face bright red. “So you mean you and she DIDN’T!!!” Sanosuke said, incredulously, laughing to himself. “And to think little Yahiko Chan got himself all worked up to protect her from the big bad Kenshin.” “I DID NOT!!! I just – “ “You’re worse then a lot of girls’ fathers I’ve met kid.” “SANOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!” “Oi, oi!! Please, you’ll wake Kaoru dono. She’s finally fallen to sleep and I don’t want her to be woken up. She needs her rest.” “Right, right. Jou chan still not sleeping good?” “No, she’s not.” Kenshin said, brushing back some of his bangs from his eyes. “But back to these rumors of Kaoru dono’s and my . . . ah, involvement. What ever gave you the idea.” “Well, like I said everyone knows, er well, heard about it, ya know. And I mean, you two, living under the same roof, and she’s giving you a room for free and let’s face it, I’ve heard guys talk about her, ya know. It did get suspicious. Besides, it’s not like you two aren’t in , well . . . ah, hell, I mean, I was wondering how long it was gonna take you two myself.” “And people are calling her, um, um, what’s that word again?” “Let’s just call it dishonorable.” Sanosuke said as Yahiko looked at him for the exact word he had heard. “Yukio said his parents don’t want Kaoru teaching him. Because she’s ‘dishonorable’ and stuff. And so do the others. That’s why everyone quit coming. Because of these rumors! Her reputation is ruined! No one trusts her – they think she’s – “ “Who thinks I am what Yahiko?” Kaoru said, standing in the doorway, her face pale. “Ah, ah, ah Ka, Kao, Kaoru!!” She silently walked past the boy, stopping in front of Sanosuke. “Do all the guys talk Sano? Even you?” “Shit Jou chan-“ “Kaoru did not yet look at Kenshin, still staring at the two in front of her, their heads bowed in shame of their actions. “Did you honestly believe that! You practically live here Sano. And you, Yahiko! You live her too! But does that mean I’m doing anything, ANYTHING AT ALL, with you?” Yahiko stuttered, turning a bright red. “I can’t believe you came here thinking that! I, I – never mind.” She said angrily. Kaoru stalked towards the door, her body rigid with purpose. “Kaoru dono, where are you going?” “I’m going to make things right. I’m going to get my students back. I’ve never run from a problem and I’m not about to start now.” “Do you want me to come with you?” Kenshin asked. For the first time, she looked at Kenshin, and he could see the hurt in her eyes. “No, thank you.” She said sadly. “You’d probably just make it worse than it already is.” “Then perhaps I should leave.” Terror flooded her then, freezing her to the spot. “NO!” she cried, as the other two gaped in horror. “No Kenshin. No.” “Kaoru dono . . . “ “Please, Kenshin. I, I’m going to need someone to make dinner. Megumi is coming over – and Sanosuke will probably be staying too, ne?” “Yeah, I guess, if you don’t mind.” He mumbled, still humbled by his callous conclusions. “So, you see, I need you to stay Kenshin. I won’t be long.” “All right Kaoru dono . . . but . . . “ “I’ll see you when I return then.” “Hai Kaoru dono.” “Good.” She said, walking out the door and shutting it firmly behind her. Kenshin watched her retreating figure, aware only of the fact that it looked as though she had dreamt once again. Kaoru could feel the anger rising in her face. OF all the stupid, moronic, uneducated, petty . . . NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAD EVEN SEEMED TO BELIEVE HER!!! She closed her eyes, trying to still the anger. She still had no students. Which was bad, very, very bad. She remembered the last letter she had gotten. The one demanding the rent for the dojo. The one informing her that the bank had received an offer to buy the dojo by a rich man, a man willing to pay more than the dojo was worth. The letter saying she had this month to pay the rent, or loose her home, her last thread to her parents. Couldn’t those foolish parents see that by removing their children from her school she would have no way to earn enough money to pay for the dojo? Couldn’t they see how much she depended on them, how much this was hurting her? She would go back tomorrow, to see if she could change their minds. Time was quickly running out, and she would not lose her home. No matter what. She would not run away from her problems, not ever again, no matter how overwhelming they seemed. And yet, it seemed as though this problem was unbeatable . . . NO!! NO PROBLEM COULD NOT BE SOLVED!! She would find a way to earn the money. Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow she would return, would plead, would reason, would beg, would fight, to get her students back. An arm snaked it’s way around her waist. Her eyes flew open, staring at the hand holding her midsection. “Wha-“ She was too shocked to scream as she felt her hair being moved from her shoulder, and his voice softly whisper into her ear. “Kamiya Kaoru.” The dream No. The nightmare. The emotion was . . . TERROR!!!!!! She whirled around screaming at her attacker, ready to fight him. And he was gone. “What the . . . my dream?” And for Kamiya Kaoru, everything became so frighteningly real. A black and red candy cane. Floating. Growing. Suddenly, it became a cape, closing off her vision, trapping her, the black soon dying out, until all she could see was the red, seeping through the cloth, through the doors. When did they become doors? And the red, the blood, kept coming towards her, drowning her, pummeling her with the waves of red. She could do nothing but cower in the corner. Hide. Hide. Stay safe. Hide . . . “FATHER!! NO!!!!” Somewhere she could hear a scream, joined by others, so many others. She knew them all – Megumi. Yahiko. Sanosuke. Tae. Tsubame. Kenshin. Mother. Father. Kaoru. Father. Their voices rose, a mountain before her, before crashing down upon her, and she crouched to the ground, her hands clamped over her ears to drown the sounds out, to free her from the voices of terror, of death. But one she could not keep out. And she opened her eyes, so wide they hurt, as he screamed, unable to do any more than watch and listen in horror. Above, the stars were twinkling. “FATHER!!! NO!!!” and the star, flashing bright, connected with him – the shooting star taking out a portion of his stomach, as she hid, and watched. And hid, and watched. HELP HIM!! GO TO HIM!! STOP HIDING!! FIGHT! FIGHT!!! FATHER!!! The shooting star, the sword. It was a sword. Father. No!! She hurt so much. An ocean of tears swelled, mingling with the blood. And he was gone. Because of the sword. And she hurt. Because of the sword. Death. Finality. Because of a sword. She would never wield one. No one, NO ONE would ever feel this way, empty and alone, because of her. Father!! She hid. She I, I hid. I hid and ran. I ran away. He died, I ran away. I ran away, so he died. FATHER!!! And then, right before the bloody velvet cape wrapped around the body of the 8 year girl, she felt an arm around her waist, and a voice whispering in her ear. “Kamiya Kaoru” And even with the cape trapping her in a world of red, she ran, and she ran, and she hid, and she hid, and she ran. Her father died, and she ran and ran and hid and hid. She was alone. Forever alone. And yet, that voice still rang in her ears . . . “FATHER!!!!!!!!!” She blinked the tears from her eyes, her chest heaving, the throbbing red giving way to the darkness. She could make out shapes. Her things. Her room. She was in her room. Dull thudding sounded in the hallway, and her body automatically went to the defensive position as her door was flung open. “KAORU DONO!” Kenshin. She smiled. Kenshin. Safety. She felt safer just by thinking his name. Kenshin. She closed her eyes. It was just a dream. Just a dream. “Shit Jou chan. Say something. Dammit. Come on!” Sanosuke too? “She’s freezing. Sanosuke, get her something warm to drink.” Of course, earlier today, it hadn’t been a dream. And her dream . . . that hadn’t been just a dream . . . that hadn’t been, hadn’t been . . . just a dream . . . it was . . . was . . . no, please . . . reality. “NO!!!” “Kaoru?” “Kaoru dono?” Sanosuke immediately froze mid-stride at her outburst. Her eyes were still closed, but she was crying now, shaking, shivering. Unsure of himself, Kenshin wrapped his arms around the girl, who for once in her life, seemed almost frail, and was trying to warm her, comfort her, stop her tears. It was almost too much for him to watch. That stupid little girl. Couldn’t she tell that that, dammit, this bothered him!! FUCKING SCARED HIM!! WHAT THE HELL!! Stupid jou chan! Have more consideration! Think of . . .Yahiko, yeah, Yahiko . . . it would bug him to see you acting like this. It hurts him when you’re hut too. He’d probably go crazy with worry, afraid that something was really, really wrong, which would be silly, because nothing could happen to ya, stupid girl. So what the hell was she carrying on for! Think of, think of . . . Yahi . . . ah God damn it all – THINK OF ME! I hate seeing you like this. SHIT KAORU! COME ONYOU STUPID KID! STOP YOUR DAMN CRYING!!! Please Jou chan. Onegai shimasu. Onegai . . .” “Onegai.” Sanosuke didn’t realize he had actually spoken at first. But Kenshin looked up at him, confused at the emotional outburst from the solid fighter, and Sano knew it was he who had slipped. “Sanosuke?” Kenshin asked, his eyes meeting Sano’s. The eyes of a killer? Sano did not see the eyes of a killer on Himura Kenshin. Fear, compassion, tenderness . . . love. Yes, love. Even if Kenshin himself didn’t want to admit it. He could see it in his eyes. In the way he protected her. In the way he held her as she sobbed against him, his hand roaming over her hair, trying to calm her, to abate her fears. Kenshin did not have the eyes of a killer. “Take good care of her.” Sano said quietly, leaving the two alone. Slowly, Kaoru’s shoulders stopped their trembling, and her hands loosened themselves from Kenshin’s shirt. Were . . . were those his arms? Around her!!! They were. She didn’t understand, though she hardly minded. He had never . . . was he talking to her?!?! Whispering to her?!?!” “Shhh, Kaoru. It’s all right. Just a dream. Don’t cry. I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s just a dream, Kaoru. Shh.” “Kenshin?” she said, so softly that he almost missed it. Almost. “Sanosuke is getting you something to drink.” She wanted to laugh. He seemed to be so concerned. It was these times she could imagine him maybe caring for her, maybe loving her. “It’s just a dream Kaoru.” And this time she did laugh. “A . . . dream.” She closed her eyes once more. She felt exhausted, as though she had not yet gotten any rest, yet the sun was just starting to peek over the mountaintops. Because of the dream. The dream that wasn’t a dream. The dream that was reality. Her reality. Her life. The dream that had happened before and . . . and . . . would happen again. She shivered, remembering the heat of his breath in the dream. Goosebumps covered her arms as she remembered the sound of her voice earlier that day. “Kenshin.” She looked up at him, gazing deeply into his eyes. “Promise me you won’t let anyone die.” “Wha . . . Kaoru dono?” “I promise I won’t run away. I won’t hide. But . . . please. Don’t . . . don’t leave me.” She sunk against him. She knew he would usually never let her near him like this. But it felt so nice. To have someone there for her for once. It had been so long. One moment of weakness, of needing him was all she wanted. Just for that one moment. The loneliness completely and utterly gone, the smallest nagging doubts left her as all she was aware of was him – everything about him. She felt safe for the smallest moment. Safe. She sighed, content. “Ah, Kaoru dono . . . “ “Don’t die.” She whispered, shuddering as the red cloak seemed to surround her vision. But no, it was just Kenshin’s shirt. It, the dream, the reality of it, still scared her. Yet, even if she were afraid, no matter how afraid she ever got, she wouldn’t run this time. She wouldn’t hide. She would fight! She would fight with everything she had, for everyone she loved. She would not let them die this time. She would protect them. She wouldn’t run – not ever again. “I promise I won’t die, Kaoru.” Technically she wasn’t running. She wasn’t hiding at all. She was seeking refuge in his arms tonight. But tomorrow, she would find her nightmare. She would face him, whoever he was. She would search him out. This time, there was no way she was going to run and hide. He was here for her, she knew it, could feel it in her marrow. She would not let them die, would not hide from him, and her fears. Tomorrow, she would fight for everything she held dear. To be continued . . . . Remember, comments and criticisms are very, very welcome!!!! (razzzberi@hotmail.com or ebass@sas.upenn.edu) I’m waiting to hear you pound me for having mangled the characters so badly, and for he stupid plot and for . . . well, everything. BYE!!!