From: "Sekihara Tae" All That Matters (Chapter 6 pt. 2) by Risu-chan (dlstrong@prairienet.org) --------------------------------- Disclaimer: All hail Watsuki Nobuhiro-sama, creator of the RK universe! All hail Sony and Shueisha for distributing them for us! And --(grovelling lawyerwards)-- please don't hurt me for borrowing them for a few pages! Arigatou gozaimasu. ---------------------------------- Chapter 6 (part 2) (aka Ayame and Suzume's Revenge) --------------------------------- Within twenty minutes, Kenshin had a quarter of the regular police force trailing him alongside Saitou's recruits; he glanced down from a roof, noted that two more of them were running up the street with a ladder, sighed to himself, and doubled back to sprint down the far slope of his roof and leap across the next street over. He stopped there to catch his breath for a minute and to make sure -- good, someone's coming around the corner -- and then he ran back in the direction he'd just come from, back toward the police station. The police poured around the corner and pounded up the street after him; they appeared to be arguing... ...one of the regulars punched a trainee in the jaw. "Yamerou!" Kenshin shouted back to them. "Me -- you're after me -- not him!" "You son of a--" Well, that had gotten the regulars' attention at least, and Hoshino was taking care of the one who'd been hit... he ran up the slope of the roof and angled across the corner of the street, leapt to the next building, and kept running. This was obviously a police discipline problem, which meant that it was obviously Saitou's problem to solve, not his. All he had to do was to stay ahead of them long enough.... Kenshin grinned tightly at the sound of the violent and colorful cursing behind him when he dashed up the steps to the police station. He leapt over a bewildered secretary's desk, paused just long enough to make sure someone would see him turn the corner, and sprinted the length of the hall, dodging two very startled clerks to slam open the door to Saitou's office. Saitou came to his feet in an instant, outraged. "What the hell--" "Thanks for the loan; here's your trainees back-- with interest!" Kenshin gave him a smile that was at least half snarl -- if you need bait, you bastard, you only use ME -- and he leapt onto the pile of papers on Saitou's desk just in time to avoid getting his skull split open by a club-wielder who left a large dent in the wooden floor. "AHOU--" Kenshin didn't stay long enough to find out which of them Saitou meant; scattering papers everywhere, he dove through the window, hit the ground hands-first, rolled to his feet, brushed the worst of the dust off his hakama, and walked away smiling savagely at the sound of outraged voices raised in the office behind him. No confrontation, Aoshi. No confrontation at all. No swords, no blood, I simply returned his recruits, and gave him a few more in the bargain. Was that wrong? ...Probably. Now ask me if I care. Battle-pitch and the smoldering remnants of rage were still singing hot in his blood; he deliberately slowed his steps as he walked back to the market, searching for a calm, centered place in his mind away from the calm at the center of a bloodstorm of combat. Not so far out of balance now as he had been earlier -- he owed Aoshi a great deal for that gift. But, still, Kaoru would know the difference if he faced her like this. Almost dangerous even to admit how much he'd needed the hunt today -- some outlet, any outlet, for swift sharp action rather than the blind frozen frustration of knowing Saitou had threatened to break his world in two with one simple word flung into the maelstrom of the city... He stopped in the road, shook his head, and drew a deep breath. No different now than yesterday, or last week, or last month; I bring danger to her simply by living, simply by being what I am. If anything, Saitou has done me a favor; he's focused it. I don't have their names or their reasons, but Saitou does, or he wouldn't have used his bait in the first place. He should have TOLD me-- Aoshi told me. It will be dealt with. And he will watch; they will both watch, for their own reasons. And I always watch. Always. No one will hurt her. No matter what, I will protect her, and our child... ...my child... Kenshin staggered over to the nearest building and leaned on it, face buried in the crook of his arm, shuddering with the effort not to scream aloud. Damn him to hell -- why NOW? Why both of them -- just when she cannot defend herself? WHY? Because, said a cold voice like steel in the back of his mind, she makes the most perfect bait when they can see why she cannot defend herself. You know that. You've been spoiled, these last few quiet years. In the Bakumatsu you would barely have been surprised. How can you forget at thirty what you knew at fifteen? But we changed the world -- I changed the world... The world doesn't change. But I... tried... tried... so hard... for so damned long... and the world doesn't change... "Onii-san?" a little voice said. Kenshin dragged his arm across his face and turned. A little boy, his face furrowed with distress, whispered, "Nii-san, please..." That's why. That's why I have to keep trying. "Please..." Kenshin bent closer to the boy's height, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong; the child quickly reached up and clamped both hands over his mouth. "No, no, no, please, quick, just run..." He caught Kenshin's sleeve and pulled; dutifully, tiredly, Kenshin followed where he was led. The boy shoved a loose board aside and crawled through a hole in a wall; for once Kenshin was glad of his slight frame. He got scratched a little, following, but managed to fit through without too much trouble. Once they were inside a small space in what looked like a storeroom of some sort, the boy breathed a visble sigh of relief, put the board back, and crept over and patted Kenshin's shoulder carefully. " 'Long as we're quiet, it's okay," the boy whispered. "Nobody ever looks in here." Kenshin blinked. "Wait... didn't you need something?" "Me?" the boy said, startled. "You're the one who was running from all those cops." "Oro?" Rescued by an eight-year-old? Saitou would be so proud of his elite troops de gozaru na... "Thank you, honestly, but it's all right," Kenshin said, finding a smile to offer. The boy said tentatively, "Yeah, but... you stopped running too close. And... um..." He dropped his eyes and said in an embarrassed rush, "Nii-san, if you've got to cry, don't do it on the street -- you hide first and then you cry, okay? It's safer." Kenshin asked, very softly, "Why did you need to learn that, little one?" The boy looked at him as though he were daft. "Everyone knows that. Except you, I guess." Everyone knows that. The world doesn't change. All the pain, all the death, all the grief and the blood and the rage -- to change a world that doesn't change... what was it for? It was to build another path. The way of the sword that protects, the sword that does not kill. My sakabatou, and Tanaka-kun's bright burning desperation, and Kaoru, and Yahiko... but... for this child, it was for nothing... "Hey, nii-san," the boy said, and clumsily patted his shoulder again. "Don't get sad. I'm sorry. Besides, now you do know, right? And... well..." He stopped, gulped, and said, "We're hiding now anyway, I guess you can cry if you have to." "No. I'm all right. Thank you." After a moment, he remembered something else about growing up an orphan, and asked, "Are you hungry?" Now the boy eyed him warily, looking at his threadbare clothes and the torn hakama -- torn at a child's height. "Why?" Kenshin closed his eyes for a moment. Poor, poor boy... but if I'd been as wary, the slavers might not have taken me. "Just wondering," he said. "I'm hungry too." The boy relaxed a little, grinning. "I guess running for your life kinda does that to you, huh?" "Aa." Kenshin stood and stretched, and turned toward the crack in the wall again. "I know a lady who'd probably feed us..." The boy was huddled against a bale of cloth, white around the eyes. "What is it?" He swallowed hard, and managed, "Sa-samurai..." "In a way," Kenshin agreed, gently. "How did you know?" "No sword, but your hand went down for one... and... please, don't hurt me..." "Iie," Kenshin said, startled. "Kesshite. You rescued me." Or at least you tried; that's close enough. The boy shook his head, still frightened. "You... I don't think you needed rescuing." "I didn't," Kenshin agreed, now rueful. "But it was kind of you nevertheless." "But... you killed someone." "...Aa." "And I know about it..." Kenshin blinked. "Matte. Chotto matte de gozaru yo -- sessha wa...." He stopped, sighed, and slid down the wall to face the boy at his own height again. "I killed... a long time ago, in the war. Before you were born. That's not why they were chasing me." The boy toppled over sideways with relief. "Really? You killed people back in the war?" Kenshin nodded. "Good!" he said enthusiastically. "Well... not exactly." "Means I'm not a witness you need dead," the boy tossed back wryly. "Good enough for me. Listen... you go get your food and things, you hide here when you need to, they never get this far back into the boxes and stuff, just don't kill anybody else, all right?" Kenshin laughed despite himself. "What's so funny now?" "Nothing. Nothing at all. You have my word: I'll never kill anyone again. So, are you hungry?" "Not hungry enough to get spotted with some samurai who's so dumb he walks around wearing that running away from cops," the boy said ruefully. "'Course, from looking at 'em, I bet you haven't got any others, do you." "Yes I do," Kenshin protested, possibly because that barb had hit a little too close to home. "I've got another gi; it's blue." ...That sounded REALLY stupid. The boy rolled his eyes, apparently silently echoing that assessment. "So wear that one next time," he said too patiently. "But then they'd have a harder time spotting me--" 'That's the point!" "Never mind, never mind," Kenshin said, rueful. "If you get hungry later, or if you're ever in trouble... go to Miya-dono's melon stall in the marketplace and ask her to find me, all right?" "Yeah, right." The boy grinned at him; he was missing a tooth in front, and its replacement was just starting to grow in. "I tell her some crazy redheaded samurai sent me to ask her for food. Sure, nii-san." Himura's too much known -- either as Himura Battousai or as Himura Kenshin; either of them might startle him if he keeps an ear to the ground as much as it seems, but... Miya-dono would recognize... "Just tell her Foxtail sent you." The boy rolled his eyes again. "Oi. Samurai running from cops and secret names and what all... I figured you were just some dumb pickpocket who didn't know how far to run." Kenshin smiled. "Don't tell me you were Sekihoutai or something." "No," Kenshin said, and laughed. "That's my friend Rooster-head. I was Ishinshishi. Choushuu group Ishinshishi." "Good grief," the boy said, and made a shooing gesture. "Go on, get out of here. Next thing you'll be telling me war stories about how you got the scars." "I don't think so." Kenshin found the loose board and moved it aside, looking quickly for passers-by. "I bet Okita gave you one and Mibu's Wolf gave you the other, huh? And I bet you knew all the hitokiri too." "Something like that," Kenshin said agreeably, and edged through. "Don't forget: Miya-dono at the melon stall." "Sure thing, nii-san." As Kenshin put the board back carefully, he heard the boy laughing quietly to himself: "No way was he in the war. Too soft, and way too dumb..." Kenshin walked back to Miya's stall, whistling. Rescued by an eight-year-old who thinks I'm too soft to have survived the war. Aoshi would laugh. ...No, he wouldn't. But he'd blink at least. Maybe he'd blink. Anyway, Misao-dono would laugh. Maybe I'll write and tell her. Kenshin turned the corner and looked toward Miya's stall, and his heart caught in his throat. "Kaoru...?" "It's all right," Miya called to him. "They've gone to the clinic." "The baby?" "No, no, no," Miya laughed. "No. Kaoru-san's fine. The rest of them, though... go on, they can probably use your help." Kenshin found himself walking too quickly again, and tried to force his heart to slow, if not his feet. "Gomen kudasai," he called at the door of the clinic; Dr. Gensai slid the door open, smiling. "You missed them," he said cheerfully. "Megumi and the girls went with them to the dojo. And... Himura-kun, you might want to watch your step." "Why? Is something wrong?" Dr. Gensai looked at him, shook his head, and clamped him on the shoulder in what was almost a warrior's salute before battle. "Never mind. Go on." He went back into the clinic, shaking his head and muttering something about "sharp as a whip and dumb as a sack of bricks, I just don't understand..." ...How odd. Kenshin shrugged and turned for home. As long as it's not Kaoru and the baby. He probably shouldn't have tripped Shiro like that, but the silly boy wasn't listening to suggestions and he hadn't had time to tie him up. If he hit his head again, Megumi would probably be irritated at them both. He'd have to apologize; good thing she was already at the dojo. This time he let himself hurry his steps, glad to be heading home. No doubt Aoshi would be perched in a tree somewhere watching the dojo, and watching to see who walked by; since there seemed to be a party gathering tonight, nobody would notice if he slipped out with tea and food for another. He'd invite the okashira in for the party if he thought Aoshi would accept, but... the Oniwabanshuu took their work as seriously as the hitokiri did. But if he took dinner, at least he could argue Aoshi into sleeping sometime, particularly if he took a watch himself. A little guiltily, he thought, Kaoru knows how lightly I sleep; I'll tell her I didn't want to disturb her... and it will be nothing but the gods' own truth. Time enough tomorrow to think of more excuses... Kenshin opened the gate and stepped through happily: "Tadaima de gozaru!" He stopped dead at the line-up of very unhappy faces staring back at him -- even Ayame and Suzume, who had little white headbands and were clutching shinai taller than they were. "...Oro?" The sole of Yahiko's sandal -- with Yahiko's foot behind it -- slammed into the side of Kenshin's face. He fell over flat; Yahiko jumped up and down on him, shouting at the top of his lungs. "Temee -- temee no baka -- you're teaching them! AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!" Kenshin gasped for breath in the moments when sandals weren't hitting him in the ribs and the guts, and stammered, "De-demo -- demo, Yahiko-kun -- no-swords-de-gozaru-yo! -- no swords -- I thought you -- you wouldn't be interested--" "You still should have TOLD me! You're teaching, dammit -- you should have told me..." Yutarou stormed over, stepping on Kenshin's head in the process, and grabbed Yahiko by the collar to shake him. "No fair, baka, we agreed we'd jump him together!" "Yu- Yutarou-dono... nan de gozaru ka...?" Yutarou kicked him in the ribs, scowling. "You pissed off the real police! One of 'em dislocated Heidel's shoulder for him, Himura-san-no-baka!" He kicked him again; Megumi picked up both boys by the scruff of their neck and pitched them toward Sano. Then, with an expression of distaste, she picked Kenshin up by the ear; he yelped. "You could have a little consideration, you know!" she shouted into the ear she was holding captive, and he winced. "You run off to leave some poor half-blind vacationing gaijin to get maimed in your place, and you re-break one of my patients' heads. The same patient you sent me last week -- and, if you recall, you broke his head that time too! I'm getting tired of running around patching up after your disasters, Ken-san no baka." "H-hai, Megumi-dono... sumanai de go--" "Oi, oi, oi! Yamerou!" Sano pulled Megumi loose; when she let go of Kenshin's ear he crumpled like a doll again. "Go take a temperature or something, Fox Lady." "Of all the--" Megumi flung her hands in the air. "Fine, it's not like I haven't got enough patients already. And now that he's here I'm sure I'm due for some more." She stormed back to the porch, where Heidel and Shiro were both watching in glazed shock that wasn't entirely due to the painkillers she'd given them. Sano picked Kenshin up by the collar. Relieved, he said, "Arigatou, Sano--" "Che." Sano propped him against the pine tree and cracked his knuckles; Kenshin's eyes widened. "You found somebody who'd pay you for fighting -- and you didn't tell me about it?" "It was Saitou!" Kenshin wailed. Sano considered. "Good point. Excellent point. But --" he pulled his fist back -- "you still should have told me." He drove the fist straight into Kenshin's ribs. The next impact was flat enough, but it felt somehow like the wrong angle for the ground, even if he was a little disoriented right now... ...not the ground; the gate. He discovered the difference when he tried to push himself "up," peeled himself off the gate accidentally, and hit the ground face-first. "Ororooooo...!" Heidel asked Megumi anxiously, "This is a strange welcoming-home ritual. Do Japanese have to do it very often? How to select the... um... victim?" "Don't worry," Megumi said dryly. "We save it for special occasions. Like when somebody really, really deserves it." "Oh." "I'm from a village a couple miles north," Shiro offered to Heidel faintly. "Never seen anything like it. City folk are peculiar." "Oh." Heidel thought about it for a minute. "Can I go to your village?" "Uh... sure. Take me with you." "Oh, certainly," Heidel said, staring. "Thanks. Should we go get drunk later?" "Most certainly." There were more feet coming. Wearily, Kenshin lifted his face out of the grass and blinked at Ayame and Suzume. They both looked depressingly fierce. "What did I do to you de gozaru ka?" "Nothing!" Suzume said, and hit him with the shinai. "Nothing to us!" Ayame said, and hit him too. "You made Kaoru-neesan cry!" "Yeah!" Suzume said, and hit him again. "Bad Ken-nii!" Kenshin shoved himself to his feet immediately, looking around. "Kaoru...?" "Hey!" Ayame hit him in the back of the knees; they folded around her shinai and he ended up flat on his back in the grass again, staring up at the pine branches. "We weren't done with you yet!" Suzume planted a foot on his chest and poked him with her shinai. Kenshin bit back a blinding flash of impatience, hands clenched in the grass; he relaxed when he heard Kaoru's voice. "Daijoubu, minna," she said gently, walking over to the girls; Suzume pouted and took her foot off his chest, and he sat up quickly, staring up into her sweet face for any signs of distress. Ayame offered Kaoru her shinai thoughtfully. "You hit him for a while, Kaoru-neesan. You're lots better at it than we are." "Kaoru, what did I do?" She tried to smile; the effort in it tore at him. "It's silly. Never mind. There are guests..." "Oh, hush," Megumi said. "You go take him down to the river and talk. I'll be the host and make dinner. After all, it's not like some people around here have any sense of courtesy or civilized behavior..." "Hey!" Kaoru protested. "I meant him. And it's not like other people around here have any idea how to cook." "HEY!" "Well, you need to be wound up enough to actually lay into him, don't you?" Megumi said unsympathetically. "Otherwise he'll just blink those sweet eyes at you and you'll melt all over him. Go on. Go. And tell him." "But..." "Just tell him what you told me. Go." Some vague, distant part of Kenshin's mind was desperately hoping Aoshi hadn't found his perch yet, or at least hadn't been watching the scene. The rest of him was numb with shock. I made her cry...? What did I do to make her cry...? "Kaoru--" His voice cracked with grief; she shook her head fiercely, wrapping her arms around her shoulders as though she was cold. "Don't! Don't say my name like that... don't ever say my name like that... oh, come on..." She hurried through the gate; he followed more slowly, guilt-sick, and walked a silent three steps behind her as he racked his conscience for anything he could have said or done or not done... He followed her to the bridge by the river; she turned toward the bank, and he moved quickly to steady her on the slope. She smiled sadly, eyes lowered, and his heart tore again. "Koishii, please -- hit me, shout at me, please. Just... tell me. Don't just stand there hurting... I can't bear it." She looked away unhappily. "I'm trying. I'm just... not going to cry again. I'm going to be adult about this for once. I swear. It's just..." She stopped, gulped fiercely, and bent her head. "I took care of it. I took care of all of them this afternoon. Heidel and Shiro, getting them to Megumi when neither of them were even walking straight--" "I know. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help--" "No, it's fine. I'm glad you weren't." Her voice trembled. "A child couldn't have done it." "A child couldn't...?" "Take care of everything. Figure out how to tell Yutarou how to find Megumi, and help her get them to the clinic, and... all of it. And I did. I took care of everything." Her voice was breaking again. "Why can't you see that? Even Megumi can see that much." "Why can't I see...?" "I am not a child!" she cried. "Is that what this is about?" She didn't answer, burying her face in her hands; anxious, he put his arms around her carefully. "Koishii, I didn't mean it that way. I only meant... you are innocent still, and I treasure that; I'd guard your innocence with my life..." Now she was angry. He stared at her in bewilderment. "I don't want to be innocent!" she shouted. "I'm older than you were when you fought in the war; I'm older than she ever was--" "This is not about Tomoe," he said unsteadily, she looked away. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I mean... she was older than you, but at least she was your age... the age you were then. I know I'm too much younger than you are for it to be easy for you to... to look at me and see an adult, but... Kenshin, she never gave you a child-- I'm old enough to--" "Koishii," he said carefully, reaching up to stroke her hair, "I know you're old enough. I know. It's not age; it's experience. I grew old too young. I learned things you never need to know. That's a part of your innocence I will never let anyone take from you, including myself." Especially myself. She said a word she must have learned from Sano. It startled his eyes wide. "That's worse!" she stormed. "If it was my age, I can grow out of that, but if you won't let me know whatever it is I need to know to be an adult for you--" She stopped, and her hands knotted in the fabric of her kimono. "It was the war, wasn't it. I can never be what she was for you; I was never the one you came home to after... --I never saw you like that." "And I'm glad of that," he whispered. "You don't need to be what she was. You need to be yourself. You need your joy and your temper and your bright strong spirit-- I love you for yourself, not for... coming home to you with blood on my hands. I couldn't." "Don't," she cried. "Don't ever say that!" "What?" "Don't say you... couldn't come home..." "Oh, koishii, no. No." He caught her hands tightly. "I'll come home. I swear. I'll always come home." He tried to smile. "I'd just wash first!" She bent her head, and said, "Because I'm not Tomoe." Kenshin sighed, and let go, and sat down on the bank tiredly. Staring out at the river, he murmured, "Do you honestly think it made her any happier? Do you think it made either of us happy?" "No," Kaoru said, and sat beside him; she found a pebble and threw it into the river. No splash; no sign; the current simply ran over it. "No. Not happy, but... at least you let her share. You let her share everything, and... you let her help... and she was younger than I am..." I had no idea how much I'd hurt you. Love, I'm so sorry. But... "That's... not how it was." She looked over at him, surprised. "What do you mean?" "It wasn't..." He struggled for a moment, then said, "It wasn't sharing. Not the way you mean. None of us could." She leaned closer, and tucked an arm through his, and asked wistfully, "What was it, then?" "Kaoru..." "It's part of you," she murmured, "and I don't know. And she did know, and... please?" "You... do you really want to know?" She nodded against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just... don't understand. How could she not share it, if she loved you?" "At first it was because she hated me," he said dully. "Then, later... even then, it... It was nothing to envy. Don't envy what we had." ...how can she understand? She can't, unless you tell her. She's not a child. But... "Kenshin?" He sighed, and tilted his head to rest his cheek against the soft warm fall of her hair. "It wasn't like I was a soldier," he said finally. "A soldier has pride; a soldier's wife has pride; and there are other soldiers' wives to talk to... but for her, and for me... do you see? I was nothing but a rumor: a secret horror in the darkness. Anything she knew was too much, and she couldn't speak of it to anyone. So she always knew too much, and she never knew enough. Every time someone came to the door she had to wonder why. Every time I came home... like that... Of course I could never tell her anything. She could never ask where I'd been or where I was going, even if it was only to buy the miso and the rice. And I doubt if she had any friends; she shouldn't have even if she did. I didn't; I couldn't. I was hitokiri. That was all I was. The others sometimes forgot; I suppose I looked very young to them, and they would tease me, but... I could never forget. Every moment of my life was a secret. If anyone lived to name me hitokiri to the government, if anyone knew what I was and where I was at the same time, it could threaten the whole movement. So even before we learned he was the traitor... none of them really trusted her. But none of them really trusted me. With their lives, yes; we had to, and if we were mistaken we died. But trust of the heart... We were comrades, I mourned their deaths, I took their vengeance, but... they were not friends; you cannot be a friend, or a lover, to one who is nothing but a weapon. And I tried to be. There was nothing else to do. Or at least I thought so; the others took lovers, the others were... frivolous. But I couldn't let myself forget. She couldn't either. Everything in life was soaked with it. Every time she found me curled up asleep in the afternoon, it meant death. Because either I hadn't slept the night before, or I wouldn't sleep the next..." He glanced over, and stopped short; there were tears running silently down her face. "Oh, koishii. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." She shook her head a little, eyes shut tight. "I asked. I wanted to know. I still..." She brushed her hand over his cheek faintly, almost afraid to touch the scars. "I still don't... understand. How could anyone do that to a child? How could they do that to you?" "Koishii... that's your innocence." He'd hurt her again; he closed his eyes against the hurt and confusion in her face, and fought for the words to explain. "Humanity was a luxury. It was a luxury they... we... couldn't afford. We were tools, all of us... tools to be used until we broke, and then discarded; the only difference is that I was still breathing when I broke. But... I'm grateful." She pulled back and stared at him. "Why?" "Because you grew up in a world where no one had answered those questions for you. Because you could still look at me and ask how anyone could do that... as though the world was supposed to be gentle. We fought, and killed, and died, for that... to make a world where you didn't have to know..." "Where I didn't have to know what you knew." "Yes," he agreed wearily. "But... can you forgive me for treasuring your innocence and your young heart so much that I hurt you with it? I never meant it to hurt you... I wasn't thinking." "So if you'd been thinking, you wouldn't have said it?" "Of course not." The elbow in the ribs startled him. "So you'd just have gone on thinking I'm a child and never telling me?" "Ano..." Shishou was right. There was no understanding women. The one thing he did dimly, dismally understand right now was that either answer was equally wrong. But, since one seemed slightly less hazardous: "...no?" Kaoru glared at him fiercely, and then burst out laughing. Now absolutely bewildered, he offered a tentative smile in response. "I'm glad you're such a bad liar!" she chuckled. "But, honestly, Kenshin... why?" "It's not your age," he repeated gently. "I don't know how to explain... Koishii, I never had a chance to be a child. To have a child's fearless curiosity and exuberance and joy in discovering the world... I was only young, but you --it glows in every moment of your living... I hope you still have your child's heart when your hair is as white as Dr. Gensai's. Does that make any sense at all? Your heart is so full of light and wonder... I call it childlike because I don't have another word, but to me what it means is you. Even when... especially when..." He stopped, looked away guiltily, and said, "I'm getting myself in trouble again. But sometimes when I watch you sleep, just to watch you wake up... the first few moments always surprise you, the new balance now. You try to move and... you're different, and so you touch... just there..." He curved a hand gently to the swell of her abdomen. "Just there. And then you remember. And even when you've barely opened your eyes, the wonder and the delight shining in you... Every day is new. I love seeing the world reflected in your eyes. Hopeful, and happy. Untarnished. That's what I want to protect for you." Silently, Kaoru slipped her arms around him and snuggled close, hiding her face in his shoulder for a moment; he stroked her hair smooth, to feel the sun-warmth in it, until she lifted her chin to glare at him despite both a smile and tears. "You make it so hard to argue with you, you know?" "That's a bad thing?" he asked, faintly perplexed. "You're supposed to sleep, not watch me sleep, baka." Kenshin had a sinking suspicion that he'd just made his intention of sharing shifts with Aoshi much, much harder to accomplish. "I do sleep usually," he said hastily. "It's just.... I like watching you wake up." "Ken-chan, as much as I love hearing you say things like that, that's not the point here either." She planted her hands on her hips; to him it emphasized the fullness of her rounding belly more than her kitten-anger, but he was wise enough not to mention it. "You've got to stop watching every breath I take," she scolded. "Half of what hurt so much was... Kenshin, I thought you'd been protecting me so much because a child can't protect itself. But I can. No matter what you and Aoshi seem to think." Kenshin fell over flat on the bank. "...Aoshi?" Kaoru leaned over and poked him in the ribs. "Don't expect me to believe you didn't know he was here. He told me he was holding you to your vows. Why is Aoshi in Tokyo holding you to your vows, Ken-chan no baka?" Shinomori, if I didn't owe you so much, I'd really, really hurt you. "A-no..." Kaoru poked him again; he curled away from her finger. "I'm thinking! I'm thinking!" "You're thinking up an excuse!" "Yes!" he said, and caught her hand before she could poke him again. "Yes. I'm thinking up an excuse." Unfortunately I can't think of a thing. "Don't bother," she said, and her other hand swooped around to poke him. "I already know. You asked him to come and help you guard me, didn't you. Honestly, love, people get pregnant all the time." "...oro?" It was a good thing he was already horizontal; after Yahiko and Sano and the girls, his equilibrium wasn't up to that sort of a shock. Did he TELL her...? Kaoru sighed, and smoothed his hair back from his face, and bent to kiss his cheek with a rueful smile. "This isn't the Bakumatsu anymore. Enishi's gone. You don't need to be so frightened now. Don't worry. We'll all be fine. And tell Aoshi he should go back home to Misao-chan." Kenshin closed his eyes. Not now. I can't tell her about Saitou, not now. If I can help it, not ever. But... she doesn't want to be treated like a child. "Almost," he murmured. "I didn't ask, though. He sent himself." Her brows made a startled dart upwards. "He sent himself? All the way to Tokyo, to guard me? Why on earth...?" Kenshin shrugged, folding his hands behind his head as an excuse to hide crossed fingers in the thick shaggy mess of his hair. "He tried to explain. It must be one of those Zen things, I didn't understand much, but it seemed to have something to do with pebbles..." "Pebbles." He nodded, wide-eyed and guileless. "Lots of pebbles. And water. Very Zen water. Pebbles, water, watching patterns in the water..." Kaoru laughed aloud. "Sometimes I think he'd be cured of all that if Misao-chan would just grab him by the lapels and throw him down and--" She realized Kenshin was staring at her, and turned an adorable shade of pink. "Never mind! Just thinking aloud! But where is he staying? Surely he could come stay at the dojo; there's no reason for him to take a room in an inn or something like that." "I think he'd made other plans." He tried to keep his eyes innocent, and hoped she couldn't see pine trees mirrored in his pupils. Kaoru threw her hands in the air. "I give up on him. I have my hands full enough with you. Should we go back to the party or not?" "Hmm?" "Well... Megumi did order us out here. By ourselves." She bent toward him again; he sat up hastily. "I think they need us at the party de gozaru yo -- I mean, it's your dojo, your student come visiting..." "Spoilsport." She ran a finger across the ridge of his collarbone and tugged at the collar of his gi. "I was looking forward to pointing out exactly how much I'm not a child." "Yes, well, you'll be a few hours older tonight, won't you? Better vantage point de gozaru ne?" "Mou." --------------------------------- Author's notes: --------------------------------- a) Thank you, Tae-san and Sae-san and Tatsuko-san and Naga-san and Deb-san and everybody who keeps planting a foot in my back and shoving me ever so nicely toward getting this critter done...! b) mini-dictionary: ahou -- idiot, moron (Saitou's trademark) arigatou -- thank you baka -- idiot, moron (from everyone but Saitou) chotto matte (de gozaru) yo -- hold it, wait just a minute kesshite -- never koishii -- beloved, my love matte -- wait nii-san -- literally big brother, but from a young person to a stranger who looks to be in the right age range to be a sibling rather than a parent, equiv. to "mister" -- suspect most eight-year-olds would say something like "ojisan" (uncle) to someone in thirties, but Kenshin looks young and I don't think this kid's the honorific-using (o- prefix) type. The first one was to get Kenshin's attention, but after that he relaxed a little. sumanai, sumimasen: I'm sorry/pardon me tadaima (de gozaru) -- there's a moment at the end of the Kyoto arc where Kenshin says "tadaima" (I'm home) and he mentions to Kaoru [several tankoubon later!] that he'd never said that through ten years of living as a rurouni. So I bet he'd love any excuse he could get to use it when he actually has a home he knows he can come back to... even if this time he wasn't quite expecting the reception... ^_~ (plus I just love the moment in the manga!) temee -- one of the more insulting ways to say "you" in Japanese yamerou (Kenshin's standard is yamete w/ or w/o de gozaru, yamerou is usually Sano's -- a little rougher -- but Kenshin has used it on occasion in the anime) -- stop, quit it c) and, since I can't seem to resist doing one of these: ---------------------------------------- Omake theater: Aoshi's Part-Time Job ---------------------------------------- Rodin: All right, lean your chin on your fist... (The camera pulls back to reveal Aoshi, a la the Thinker, sitting naked on a block of ice... perfectly calm. Too perfectly calm.) Rodin (musing): Still needs something, though. Okina: I'm impressed. How did you get him out of the trenchcoat? (Let alone the rest of it?) Rodin: Oh, I had help. (Misao is sitting crosslegged on the floor playing with some shreds of black and purple fabric with her kunai.) Misao: Aoshi-samaaa...! Kakkoiiiii! (hearts-for-eyes, leaning over dreamily, also with chin propped in one hand, for a better angle of appreciation...) Aoshi: ......(sweatdrop) Rodin (delighted): That's it! Don't move! (in case you ever wondered what exactly the Thinker was Thinking.) --------------------------------- Next time: chapter 6 pt.3: lessons learned and re-learned o-tanoshimi ni! --------------------------------- --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- GRAB THE GATOR! FREE SOFTWARE DOES ALL THE TYPING FOR YOU! Tired of filling out forms and remembering passwords? Gator fills in forms and passwords with just one click! Comes with $50 in free coupons! http://www.onelist.com/ad/gator1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------