From: "Sakka-chan" Ohayou, minna-san! Well... here's the first of what will be two parts to this little bit of sugar-induced insanity. A big "arigatou" to MadamHydra-san for serving as pre-reader, co-conspirator and plot consultant (for what little plot there is, ne? ^_~) and for letting me borrow the Nightwitches Quick disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin... I don't own The Full Monty... I'm not doing this for profit... who'd buy this silliness, anyway? ^.~ On with the show! ----------------------------------------------------------- Rurouni Kenshin Presents -- The Meiji-Era Full Monty! Sanosuke: Whaddya say, Kenshin? Kenshin: No, Sano. Sanosuke: C'mon! It'll be fun... Kenshin: No way. Sanosuke: Aw, c'mon, Kenshin! If you don't do this, we're screwed. Kenshin: Absolutely not. Sanosuke: You're the only holdout, you know... all the other guys are ready to do it. Kenshin: You're kidding, right? Sanosuke: Do I *look* like I'm kidding? Saitou's got the uniforms... Kenshin: Oro?!? S- S- Saitou's involved in this? But how.... why... Sanosuke: I never would've asked him, you know... but he showed up yesterday with a pile of policemen's clothes and a scary look on his face. Says he has no choice but to join us... Kenshin: .... Sanosuke: And Soujirou's been teaching us some moves... Kenshin: Where in kami-sama's name did you find *him*? Sanosuke: He showed up a few days ago... says he's been bored and needs some money, so he's in. And then there's your master... he just popped in this morning... Kenshin: Shishou's doing this, too? I can't believe it! Sanosuke: Yeah, the great Hiko Seijuurou... he'll really draw a crowd. Says he's only in it for the free sake, but I think he's showing off, as usual... Kenshin: Well, if you have shishou, what do you need me for? Sanosuke: Na, Kenshin, we all know who the *real* chick-magnet in this series is. You *have* to be there... Kenshin: I said no. Sanosuke: Kenshin! You have to do it! You're the star! Everyone's expecting you! See? Kenshin: Orororooooo! Kenshin: Sanosuke... Sanosuke: Maa, maa... calm down, Kenshin! Think about the bottom line here... Sanosuke: Uhh... bad choice of words! ............... Tae: Oh, Sanosuke! I see you've brought your star performer with you... Kenshin: Tae-dono... I haven't agreed to do any-- Sanosuke: Yeah! We're nearly ready for tomorrow night... just need to put a little more practice in... Tae: Oh, good! I'm looking forward to it! We'll do a lot more business than usual, I'm sure... Sanosuke: That's the idea... we all need the extra cash, ne, Kenshin? Kenshin: Oh! Sano, I just remembered... Kaoru-dono needs some rice and misooo..oro! ............... Hiko: Look here, boy... I didn't agree to prance around like some geisha. Chou: Me, neither. Not my style. Soujirou: But Sagara-san says we need to dance... it's all part of the show. Ne, Saitou-san? Saitou: It's true. We dance while removing our clothes. It's what's known as a striptease. Sanosuke: And it ends with all of us totally in the buff onstage... those gaijin from England call it a "full monty." Chou: Man, you gotta be kidding me. Saitou Hajime's gonna *dance*? Then strip? Naked? Onstage? This I *gotta* see! I'm in, Soujirou... Saitou: Ahou. Hiko: And you say my baka deshi's the featured attraction in this little production? Sanosuke: Yup. He'll be out here in a minute... Hiko: I'll be happy to join you, then. But I won't be responsible if I end up stealing the show... Sanosuke: Hey, the more of us there are, the better. Speaking of which... Oi, you guys! We ain't got all day! Kamatari: Konnichi wa, minna! Let's get this show on the road! Check out our stylin' star! Kenshin: Sano... really... Kaoru-dono will kill us both if we go through with this! Sanosuke: Yeah, yeah... Hmm... we'll need to roll those pants up. Ah, hell, like it matters... he'll be taking them off anyway... Soujirou: So... he takes the cap off and his hair comes down. Nice touch, Kamatari-san! Kamatari: Isn't he just the *cutest* thing? Now, let's see what ya got, boys... line up and let's take it all off! Chou: Chotto! I'm not doing some striptease with *him* around! Kamatari: What's the matter, Chou- kun? Afraid you won't measure up to me? Chou: Kono yarou! I'll show you who measures up... Where the hell's my sword? Soujirou: Maa, maa... calm down! We agreed... no swords on stage, remember? Sanosuke: Yeah, the ladies aren't coming to look at *those* swords... Now, we're still waiting for Aoshi... Kamatari and Soujirou: Sh- Shinomori Aoshi?!? Kenshin: No way! You got *Aoshi* to agree to this? Sanosuke: Not me. Saitou: I didn't do anything. Shinomori asked *me* if he could participate. Kamatari: Aoshi-sama! Don't you look hot! Sanosuke: Good, you're just in time. All right, men! We've got 24 hours to get this down... Kenshin's in front... we all line up behind him... tallest in the middle, shortest at the ends. Sanosuke: Che... we're lopsided... three on one side, four on the other. Too bad we don't have one more guy -- Voice: May I join you? Kenshin: Enishi. Are you here to complete your Jinchuu? Enishi: To hell with Jinchuu... I need some cash. Residuals from those OVAs only go so far. Am I in? Kamatari: Hmm... he's pretty cute, from what I can tell. Now *that's* more like it! Ne, minna? Sanosuke: Do you mind? I know he tried to kill you and Jou-chan and all... but he *would* balance out the other side. Kenshin: Yare, yare... nearly everybody up here's tried to kill me at some point or another. What's the difference? Sanosuke: Guess you have a point there. All right, psycho- boy... come on up. You can stand next to Chou. ............... Sanosuke: Cut! Soujirou! You're messing up the count again! You gotta slow down! Soujirou: Eheheh... sorry about that... Sanosuke: Damned god-speed... and Kenshin, you're almost as bad. The rest of us can't keep up with you two. Hiko: Speak for yourself, rooster-boy. Who you think *taught* the little moron how to move that fast? Sanosuke: The point is, we've got to try to work together here. Otherwise we'll end up stepping all over each other. Aoshi and Kamatari have been keeping time pretty well... we should try to match their pace. Kamatari: Hear that, Aoshi-sama? We make a pretty good team, ne? Aoshi: .... Sanosuke: You know, this would be a lot easier if we had the music. Oi, Saitou... weren't you supposed to take care of that? Saitou: Ahou. It's done. The musicians should be hear any minute... Sanosuke: All right... while we're waiting, we may as well run through it again. Remember, Soujirou, Kenshin... slow down. And Kenshin, you need to loosen up... relax. You know... act sexy. I know! Pretend you're dancing with Jou-chan -- Kenshin: Sano...! Sanosuke: ... yeah, right... probably not a good idea. That'll get you a little *too* motivated... Kenshin: SANO! Saitou: If you idiots are finished mocking the Battousai... shall we continue? Sanosuke: Sure, sure... okay, line up, you guys! And one, and two, and three... Voice: Now, now, ladies... that's enough. Stop ogling those poor boys and set up your instruments, please. Saitou: Ah, Tokio. I see you found us some musicians. Saitou: Tokio, couldn't you find someone besides your cursed Takagi relatives to do this? Tokio: I'm sorry, Hajime... but they insisted. Besides, you didn't give me much notice... and they're all coming tomorrow night, anyway. Saitou: Hmph. So now I get to make a complete fool of myself in front of your entire family, as well as all the women in Tokyo. The things I do for you... Tokio: Don't worry, Hajime... I've given very specific instructions to my relatives. They're to leave *you* alone... the others are all fair game. Saitou: Perhaps this will be enjoyable after all... Tokio: Don't let me keep you from your rehersal, dear. You know how much I like watching you... take it off... To be continued! --------------------------- ONElist Sponsor ---------------------------- ATTN ONELIST USERS: stay current on the latest activities, programs, & features at ONElist by joining our member newsletter at Click Here ------------------------------------------------------------------------