From: "Sakka-chan" <sakka@ix.netcom.com>

Here's the grand finale... enjoy, minna-san! Try not to drool on
those keyboards, ladies...  <winks>

Note:  The men are wearing the kind of fundoshi (breech-cloth) that
sort of resembles a G-string... you might remember them from those
pirate filler-episodes.  You'll know why I pointed this out as you read
on...  <evil grin>

...................................................................

Rurouni Kenshin Presents -- The Meiji-Era Full Monty!  Part 4
by Sakka-chan and MadamHydra


Kaoru:  <laughing hysterically>  You're right, Misao-chan... this *is*
fun!

Misao:  <clutching Kaoru's arm>   Ooh, it's Aoshi-sama's turn!  I'm
going up!

<She jumps off the table and pushes her way to the front of the
crowd... as Sanosuke nudges a clearly reluctant Aoshi toward the
front of the stage.>

Sanosuke:  C'mon, Shinomori... just pretend it's combat without the
swords.  Close your eyes and meditate or something... it'll be over
in no time...

Aoshi: <thinking>  //Meditate... not a bad idea...//

<Aoshi takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and begins a graceful,
sinuous dance... causing faintings and nosebleeds throughout the
audience.>

Yuka:  <fanning herself vigorously>  Oh... my!

Risako:  <watching him through half-lidded eyes>  Hmm... perhaps
he's not as cold as I thought.  Ne, mother?

Tokio:  <fanning placidly>  I should say not... <glancing around the
room>  He's the clear favorite so far, that's for certain.  I feel sorry for
young Misao... if she wants to keep Shinomori for herself alone,
she'll have her work cut out for her...

<Tokio catches the eyes of a group of "youngsters" headed for
Aoshi and shakes her head slightly.  They sigh as they turn away,
some scowling, some pouting.>

Nightwitch:  <muttering>  Old spoilsport...

<Meanwhile, young Misao is practically drooling as Aoshi
approaches her.  There's no room left in the band of his fundoshi for
her yen-note... so she takes a deep breath and slips it carefully
down the front.  Startled, Aoshi's eyes open.>

Aoshi:  <clearing his throat>  Misao...

Misao:  <eyes sparkling>  Hai, Aoshi-sama?

Aoshi:  Was that really necessary?

Misao:  <grins>  Oh, most *definitely*, Aoshi-sama!

<Aoshi sighs and resumes his dance.  Misao swoons her way back
to the table.>

Misao:  Ahhh... that was *so* worth the wait.  <looks around>  Ne,
Kaoru-san... where's Megumi-san?

Kaoru:  Ano...  <she points to the front of the stage, where Megumi
is watching Aoshi dance with a foxy-smile on her face.>

Misao:  <shrieks>  THAT HUSSY!  <Kaoru holds an enraged Misao
back as she tries to throw kunai at Megumi.>  GET AWAY FROM
MY AOSHI-SAMA YOU... FOX-LADY YOU!

Megumi:  <fox-ears twitching as she slips her yen-note in the same
place as Misao's>  Ohohohoho!

Aoshi:  <returning to the line of dancers in back>  That was an...
experience.

Sanosuke:  <slapping Aoshi on the back with a grin>  You did good,
okashira.  Care to top that, Hiko-sama?

Hiko:  <smirks>  Just watch me, boy.  <He swiftly heads for the front
of the stage, flexing and shaking his hips.  The hall erupts in delighted
screams as a pack of drooling fangirls rushes the stage.>

Fangirls:  HIKO-SAMAAAAAA!  <They shower the stage with yen-
notes and female undergarments.>

Sanosuke:  <watching with a slightly sour look>  Well, Kenshin, I
gotta say that your teacher's certainly got the moves....

Kenshin:  <mumbles something incoherent>

<Hiko saunters back toward the others, wearing a smug expression.
Saitou leans over and says, loudly enough for Hiko and the other men
to hear...>

Saitou: <malicious amusement> Well, that performance certainly
got *her* attention....

<Sanosuke looks around curiously and sees Risako, whose narrow-
eyed stare could vaporize stone. Then, as Hiko sees a sinister and
decidedly predatory little smile appears on Risako's face, he flubs a
step, trips and falls off the stage.  He is promptly mobbed by rabid
fangirls, led by two women clad in familiar blue uniforms.>

Okon and Omasu:  <hearts in eyes>  HIKO-SAMA!  We've waited
so long for this!

Hiko:  <speechless with dread>

<The swirling mass of Hiko-and-fangirls heads for the door.>

Kenshin:  <stunned>  I've never seen shishou act so clumsy!  How
strange...

Saitou:  <wolfish grin>  Well... it's your turn, rooster-boy.  Think you
can handle it?

Sanosuke:  <smirks>  Heh.  No problem!  <cracking his knuckles>
Time for Sagara Sanosuke to work his magic...

<Sanosuke begins a bold, seductive dance, delighting the hordes
of fangirls who surge to the front of the stage, clamoring for his
attention.  As he works the line, he takes off his headband with a
cocky grin and throws it into the audience.  A stampede ensues,
and one flushed, breathless woman emerges from the melee
clutching the headband tightly.>

Misao and Kaoru:  <shocked>  T- T- Tae-san?!?

Tae: <smiling as she holds the headband over her head>  What am
I offered for this lovely headband, worn by sexy Sagara Sanosuke
of Meiji-Era Full Monty fame?

<She is immediately surrounded by screaming women waving
money at her.  She winks at Kaoru and Misao and turns her
attention back to the bidding.>

Kaoru:  <admiringly>  That's one way to get Sanosuke's Akabeko
tab paid off...

Misao:  <studying Sanosuke, a mischievous grin spreading across
her sake-flushed face>  Kaoru-san, I have an idea.  Let's go up
front and... <whispers the rest in Kaoru's ear>

Kaoru:  <grinning in return>  I like it!

<The two head for the front of the stage, with Misao employing some
discreet kempou to open a pathway through the frenzied fangirls.  As
they reach the front, Sanosuke grins down at them.>

Sanosuke:  <continuing to dance>  Yo, Jou-chan, Misao-chan.  So,
you've come to watch a *real* man in action, ne?

Kaoru:  <flutters her eyelashes and simpers>  Oh, yes, Sano... next to
Kenshin, I've always liked *you* best.

Misao:  <using her most seductive voice and waving a few yen-
notes>  Why don't you come over here and let us show our...
appreciation?

Sanosuke:  <smiling, his voice deepening>  When you put it that
way... how can I refuse?

<He dances up to the two women, who can't help blushing as they
squeal their encouragement.>

Misao:  <to Kaoru>  He *is* a sexy baka-yarou... I almost feel
guilty...

Kaoru:  Don't lose your courage now, Misao-chan... gambatte!

Misao:  Right!  <calls to Sanosuke sweetly>  Sa~nooo!  You'll have
to bend down... I can't reach you up there...

Sanosuke:  <squats forward on one knee>  How's this?

Misao:  <looks deep into his eyes>  Oh... that's perfect... ne,
Kaoru-san?

Kaoru:  <grins wickedly>  Hai!

<The two reach behind Sano and pinch his butt.  As he yelps in
surprise, they grin at each other... and shout...>

Kaoru and Misao:  WEDGIE!

<They pull the band of his fundoshi up as high and hard as they
can.>

Sanosuke:  <chokes and goes gray for a moment>  That... was...
evil... Jou-chan!  <He pitches forward, and Misao catches him by
the shoulders, nearly falling over herself.  Kaoru is rolling around
on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.>

Misao:   <laughing almost as hard>  Don't blame her, rooster-
head... it was my idea...

Sanosuke:  <still grimacing>  I should've known... sneaky little...
weasel-girl...

Misao:  <impulsively plants a kiss on his slightly open mouth, then
whispers in his ear>  That's for being a good sport... now go make
way for Himura.

<She pushes him back onto the stage.  Sanosuke stares at her,
speechless, and hobbles back into line with the remaining men.
Saitou is grinning... Kenshin is struggling not to laugh -- and failing
miserably... and Aoshi eyes him coldly.>

Sanosuke:  <growls>  Oi, Shinomori... *she* kissed *me*.  And it
was only a joke... so don't go getting your fundoshi all in a twist
about it...

Aoshi: <evenly>  If you say so.

Sanosuke:  <thinking>  //She's pretty cute... for a skinny, flat-
chested little weasel.  Wonder what she'll look like in a couple
of years?//

Kenshin:  <still chuckling>  Err... Sano, can I help you with your...

Megumi:  <pokes her head out from the curtain behind the stage
with a foxy-grin>  Don't worry, Ken-san!  This situation calls for a
doctor, don't you think, rooster-head?  <winks at Sanosuke>

Sanosuke:  <anticipatory smirk>  Whatever you say, kitsune-
sensei...  <He obediently follows Megumi behind the curtain,
winking at Kenshin.>

Kenshin:  <grins>  Don't forget the finale, Sano!

Sanosuke:  <waves him away>  Hai, hai... you'd better do your
thing first.  Remember -- now's your chance to really knock Jou-
chan for a loop!  <He tries to say more but is yanked backstage by
an impatient Megumi.>

<The minute Kenshin takes a step toward the front of the stage,
the noise level in the room becomes almost unbearable.>

Kenshin:  <waving at the audience sheepishly>  Really... all this fuss
over sessha... you're all too kind...

<He begins to dance, his hair swaying with his swift, graceful
movements.  The fangirls try to claw their way through the
bouncers... but they manage to hold the lust-crazed women off.>

Maki:  <watching with half-lidded eyes>  My, he's quite... skilled.
Would you be terribly embarrassed, sister, if I gave him a tip?

Tokio:  <dryly>  It depends on what *kind* of tip you have in mind.

Maki:  <sighing in disappointment>  I suppose it would be rather
undignified.  What I wouldn't give to be a few centuries younger...

<Meanwhile, a few tables away...>

Misao:  <watching Kenshin approach>  Yatta!  Here he comes,
Kaoru-san!

Kaoru:  <striking a dramatic pose>  Stand back... time for the
kenjutsu komachi to go to work.  <She makes a beeline for the front
of the stage, with Misao yelling encouragement all the while.>

<Since Kenshin is by far the most popular of the dancers, he takes
a long time to work the line.  By the time he reaches Kaoru, he's
got yen-notes stuffed in every part of his fundoshi... woven in his
hair... tucked behind his ears...>

Kenshin:  <smiling his friendly-rurouni smile at Kaoru>  Look,
Kaoru-dono!  We can get the doujou roof fixed now!  And a new
washtub... and...

Kaoru:  <smiling and waggling a finger>  Come here, Kenshin...

Kenshin:  <shaking his head gingerly>  Kaoru-dono, you don't
need to tip me.  Really.

Kaoru:  <suggestive smile>  Oh, yes I do... now come here...

Kenshin:  <sweatdrop>  You're not going to do that wedgie-thingie
to me, are you?

Kaoru:  <giggling>  Of course not!  Now stop resisting... you
*know* you can never say no to me...

Kenshin:  <smiles and shrugs>  That's true enough...

<Kenshin obediently approaches Kaoru... who stands up on tiptoe
and kisses him softly.  Cheers erupt all around them, and some
fangirls start waving "Kenshin & Kaoru Forever!" signs.>

Sanosuke:  <emerges from backstage with several lipstick marks
on his face and neck, whistling loudly>  All right, Jou-chan!

Kaoru:  <smiling sweetly>  Now go give us that big finish we've
been promised.

Kenshin:  <stunned>  H- hai!  <He returns to the others with a bit
more spring in his step.>

Sanosuke:  <winks>  Way to go, Kenshin.  Now... let's give the
ladies what they came for, men!  Line up... and one... two... three...

<The scene ends with flying fundoshi... and a shot of the men from
the back as they bare all to ear-splitting screams, cheers and
applause...>


~Owari~



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