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Author's note: Rurouni Kenshin, its characters and so forth are all the property of their brilliant creator, Nobuhiro Watsuki... not to mention Shueisha and Sony Entertainment. This fanfic is simply my humble and unworthy tribute to this fine manga series, and is not meant for publication or profit.SPOILER WARNING! This fanfic is loaded with spoilers for the end of the Kyoto Arc and the main events of the Revenge Arc. In other words...if you aren't up to date on the Rurouni Kenshin manga (including the most recent Weekly Jump chapters), this story will give away key plot points. So don't read it if you don't want to know!
Comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated and can be directed to Sakka-chan.
... What good is Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu ...
... What good is Himura Kenshin ...
... Again, I failed to protect the one person who is most important to me ...
... Kaoru ... dono ... KAORU ...It was his selfishness that had killed her. Of that much he was certain.
After the battle with Shishio, after returning to Tokyo and the doujou, he had started to relax again. The blessedly mundane household chores, the playful practices, the simple charms of everyday life with his friends... his family... lulled him into a contentment he hadn't experienced since before his departure for Kyoto.
Still, he held himself slightly apart, as was his habit. He was rurouni, after all, and he should return to his journey.
But... there were the lessons he had learned in Kyoto, about living for those who cared about him. And those who cared about him were here. Yahiko. Sano. Megumi-dono.
And... most of all...
... Kenshin ... we'll all go back to Tokyo together! ...
How could he leave her? She needed him so much. And he had sworn to use his sword to protect others... didn't it make more sense to protect his friends instead of nameless strangers?
At least, that was what he told himself was his reason for returning to Tokyo. The real truth was that he couldn't bear to leave her. If she had needed him, he had needed her far more. Staying with her... helping her... protecting her, had given meaning to what had become a bleak, aimless existence and had helped dim the memories of his past deeds. Her smile... her strength... her belief in him... more than that...
... I want to be with you forever ...
That she could feel so deeply about him... after all he had done... after all she had learned about him... he had begun to believe that it was a sign, perhaps, that his atonement was complete. A sign that -- once Enishi was dealt with -- he could finally rest and enjoy a peaceful, happy life.
*--with her--never to leave her again--never to wander alone again--*
That was his selfishness. That was his folly. And Kaoru had paid for his delusion... just as Tomoe had long ago.
*--her bright eyes--so flat--so lifeless--*
If only he'd known Enishi was watching him, following him. He would never have returned with the others. He would have stayed in Kyoto, then gone far, far away. He would have done anything to prevent the madness that had followed.
*--her mouth half-open--frozen in shock--trickling blood--*
*--nonono--that vacant corpse--it couldn't really be her--*
But it had been. Megumi-dono had checked the body, confirmed it was Kaoru. He had only been vaguely aware of what followed his terrible discovery, but he remembered Megumi-dono's whispered pronouncement, the tears quietly streaming down her face as she closed Kaoru's sightless eyes. As he crouched on the doujou floor, weeping and trembling, he caught a glimpse of Sano standing over Kaoru, white-faced, his eyes wide in shock and disbelief.
...oh no...oh, Jou-chan...how could he...
Sano had then bent down and taken hold of the hilt of Enishi's sword with one hand, pressing his broken one firmly against Kaoru's shoulder. Wincing, he pulled the sword out of her body, which slid to the floor with a soft thump. He gazed silently at the long blade, wet with her blood, and flung it against the far wall, cracking it.
Sano's grief-stricken howl still rang in his ears.
... HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO YOU, JOU-CHAN?...
He faintly remembered Megumi-dono's hand on his shoulder, asking him to help carry Kaoru's body to the clinic for cleansing. With the doctor's help, he had managed to stand and take a step toward Kaoru...
That's when he had seen them most clearly...
*--the cruel slashes crossing her pale cheek--*
As blackness engulfed him, he thought he heard a keening cry in the distance... then realized it was his own voice, wailing in misery...
... NNNNNOOOOOOO! KAORUUUUU! ...
Enough. He'd had enough. It was better not to think about it. It was better to just sleep like this quietly.
He was so tired...
.......
The crunch of bones underfoot stirred him from his uneasy slumber. He opened his eyes and saw the now-familiar mounds of human skulls and bones, smelled the stench of death and waste. Without raising his head, he acknowledged his old enemy.
*So you're back again.*
He heard Shishio's familiar, evil chuckle.
*Well, Battousai, have you decided? Are you ready to admit your utter defeat?*
*I don't know. You told me to acknowledge that my sword, my beliefs, my life, everything... that it was all an irreparable mistake.*
*Wasn't it? Feh. Look at you. You've already renounced your sword. Your beliefs have brought pain and suffering to those around you. Everyone you ever loved is either dead or has left you. You wallow in your own filth here in Rakuninmura. Your life is worth nothing now.*
*That's true. But to say that it was all meaningless... my whole life...*
*Wasn't it? You tried to save your beloved wife and ended up killing her yourself. You tried to save that Kamiya girl and failed her, too. Isn't that enough? Or are you going to try to find someone else you can fail to protect?*
He remembered the sound of Tomoe's final breath... the sight of Kaoru's crumpled, bloody body. He felt the wrenching loss... the sorrow and remorse thick in his throat...
*Perhaps you're right. I know I failed them both terribly. And I'm so tired....*
He glanced up in time to see Shishio's feral, victorious grin. He held out a bandaged hand.
*Come with me. Admit your defeat, and I'll give you eternal rest, my dear sempai.*
Eternal rest. Never to know loneliness, or guilt, or sadness, or pain again. His hand trembled as he reached upward.
*My sword, my beliefs, my life...*
*Yessss...*
*Everything I was... everything I am...*
*Yes, yes... say it...*
*It has all been for noth--*
He was startled into silence by a familiar roar--
*YOU REALLY ARE A STUPID PUPIL!*
He blinked in surprise as Hiko appeared in front of Shishio, wearing that familiar mantle and intimidating glare.
*Master? What are you doing here among the dead?*
*I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THAT. ARE YOU REALLY SUCH A WEAKLING THAT YOU'D ADMIT DEFEAT TO A MAN YOU ONCE DEFEATED YOURSELF? SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU IDIOT!*
He sighed. As usual, Hiko didn't understand. He never had. A man as strong as his master... he could never know how it felt to fail so completely...
*Feh. You think I never failed? My failures were even greater than yours.*
He smiled slightly at that.
*Of course your failures would be greater. You always were better than everyone else at everything.*
Hiko stood silently for a moment. Then his scowl faded, replaced by a cocky grin.
*Damn right. Now why don't you try listening to your master instead of that bandaged freak--*
Shishio jostled Hiko aside, snarling with rage.
*Who the hell are you to talk about me like that? Don't listen to him, Battousai. He won't give you the rest you crave.*
Hiko muttered something about the ruler of Hell lacking manners and plunged his elbow into Shishio's gut. Shishio collapsed, gasping for air.
*He's definitely right about that. The last thing you need is more rest... more like a kick in the ass, which I am here to provide, as usual.*
He sighed again. Couldn't they both leave him alone for awhile? He'd been resting so quietly before...
*How dare you try to ignore me! After I went to all this trouble to appear to you here... even my great and compassionate heart is only so forgiving, you know.*
*I didn't ask you to come here.*
*You're right. I'm here because you're about to throw your life away... and after all the effort I put into teaching you the ultimate techniques of the Hiten Mitsurugi school, I'm not about to watch you waste it now!*
*What good did that extra training do? It couldn't protect Kaoru. She died because I wasn't fast enough... strong enough... even after all you taught me.*
Shishio struggled to his feet, panting. He ignored Hiko and continued his goading.
*That's right. You failed her, Battousai. You're a failure!*
Hiko gritted his teeth and advanced toward Shishio, growling with rage.
*I've had just about enough of you, freak! I'm here to talk to my stupid pupil, not you!*
His master was furious now... which likely meant they were about to find out if it was possible for Shishio to die twice. He watched impassively, curious to see which devastating technique Hiko would use to silence his Hitokiri successor.
With blinding speed, Hiko whipped his cloak off, tossing it over Shishio's head. The heavily weighted cloak brought him down instantly, pinning him to the ground and muffling his furious howls. Hiko turned away, looking very pleased with himself.
*There, that should hold him for awhile, lightweight that he is. Don't you Hitokiri ever eat? Well, that's beside the point. Now we can continue our chat without interruption.*
He looked back down at the ground.
*There's nothing more to say. Shishio's right... I'm a failure... as your student, as your successor... as a practitioner of the Hiten school ...*
*Spare me your self-pitying nonsense. You believe you weren't fast or strong enough... you believe you couldn't protect her. You believe she died because of your failure.*
As Hiko spoke, plumes of smoke began rising from his discarded cloak. He figured Shishio would burn his way out of there in another minute or two. Not that he cared one way or the other, but his master would be even more enraged if his prized mantle were incinerated.
*Um, master, your cloak--*
*My cloak can wait! Didn't you learn anything from me?*
*What do you mean?*
*OPEN YOUR EYES, IDIOT! The truth is right in front of you... and I'm not talking about this fanciful nightmare you've created. Use that keen vision of yours to see what's been there all along.*
*I don't understand. What else is there to see? I'm either in Rakuninmura or in Hell. They're both the same to me, anyway.*
*Do you expect me to take your hand and lead you to the answer, like that bastard Shishio was about to do just now? Well, I won't do it. You have to find the answer for yourself, just like the last time.*
*What answer?*
*You think you have nothing left to live for. That's not true. Look deep within your heart... examine all you have learned... from me, from others. From yourself. Out of that will come an answer, a reason for living.*
*What answer can possibly bring meaning to all this? Are you saying I should seek revenge?*
Hiko's eyes narrowed.
*Hmph. Well... it's a start. That would certainly be better than what you're doing here, wallowing in guilt and despair.*
Vengeance again. That was what had started all this. And it seemed that vengeance was all everyone else wanted from him. He remembered Sano's fury--
... we have to fucking kill Yukishiro Enishi! Avenge Jou-chan! ...
Misao's disgust and dismay --
... get up, Himura! We have to go avenge Kaoru-san!...
He clenched his teeth, suddenly angry with them all. Didn't they understand? Didn't they see that it was all useless? It would change nothing. It was too late. He was tired of fighting, sick of blood and loss.
He looked up at Hiko, staring directly into his eyes as he spoke.
*You all say the answer is vengeance. What do any of you know? If I make Enishi pay for what he did, what then? Is killing him, hurting him, supposed to make me feel better? Will it change what happened to Tomoe? Will it bring Kaoru back?*
As his voice rose, he slowly struggled to his feet, holding the chained sakabatou tightly in his fist.
*HOW I CAN LIVE WITH FAILURE AFTER FAILURE AND STILL GO ON? IS REVENGE REALLY THE ANSWER? IS THIS ALL I HAVE TO LIVE FOR NOW?*
Suddenly, he felt the Hitokiri's rage surge through him, momentarily blotting out all feeling, all thought. It was comforting, somehow. It reminded him of how much less complicated his life was in the early days of Battousai... how rarely he'd failed in his chosen mission...
*-- I will answer blood with blood--so as to end all bloodshed--*
Yes. This time, he would listen to the Hitokiri inside him. Enishi was evil. He deserved to die for his crimes. His death would prevent other deaths. Saitou would agree --
... Aku. Soku. Zan. The one thing we Shinsen Gumi had in common with the Hitokiri...
-- and would probably help him find where Enishi was hiding. He would find him, and he would kill him. It was simple, straightforward, just as it had been during Bakumatsu. All emotion was drained away, and he was left only with the task at hand.
He could no longer see Shishio or Hiko, but he heard his master's words faintly, as if from a great distance.
*... you always were a stupid pupil... and now you'll probably die that way. Idiot...*
As usual, he didn't understand. Not that it mattered anymore. He closed his eyes and began to unwind the chains that held his sword shut...
.........
...when he opened his eyes again, he was no longer in Hell, nor was he in Rakuninmura. He was standing in front of a shack surrounded by snow-covered countryside. With a jolt, he recognized the setting. The icy detachment of the Hitokiri drained away, replaced by the familiar ache of sorrow and regret.
The door swung open, revealing Tomoe. She looked exactly as she had the day before she died... beautiful... remote. Her sad, dark eyes met his own and held them silently.
He wondered how he appeared to her. Did she see the cold 15-year-old killer she had married? The peaceful, contented husband his months with her had made him? Or his present-day self, lost and broken?
*Welcome home, my husband. Come, you must be cold. I'll make you some tea.*
Dumbfounded, he stared at her. She quickly lowered her eyes and turned away, entering the shack.
He knew this must be another of his strange visions. Still, he followed her inside. Enishi could wait awhile longer, he supposed.
Inside, Tomoe motioned him to a mat in front of the fire. He gratefully accepted the tea she offered, sipping it slowly, warming his hands with the cup. Tomoe sat next to him, giving him sidelong glances as she quietly drank her own tea.
It reminded him so much of that snowy night 13 years ago; he could hardly bear it. He set his cup down and glanced over at her.
*... that was very soothing... thank you...*
*I'm glad you enjoyed it. Would you like some more?*
*Please.*
Tomoe reached over to refill his cup, and he caught the familiar scent of white plum blossoms. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered his last words to her that night long ago...
... all the happiness you lost in the midst of this violence... I'll make sure to protect it this time...
Another promise unfulfilled. He closed his eyes, forcing the tears back.
He heard the clinking of pottery and metal as Tomoe put away the dishes, the rustle of her kimono as she knelt next to him. His eyes snapped open when he felt her fingertips brush his scarred cheek.
*Tell me what's troubling you, my husband.*
He was baffled by her low, comforting voice, the compassion in her eyes. Surely she must hate him, blame him for all her misfortune.
*It's the past, isn't it? This cross scar you have... it tells me you still blame yourself for all that happened... to me, to Enishi.*
She kept stroking his cheek as she talked, as if to smooth away the scar. Her tenderness... he couldn't stand it... didn't deserve it. She should despise him!
*No, beloved. I forgave you long ago. Didn't you know that? I could never hate you... not after I came to understand you... and to love you...*
*But... but I... you...*
Words failed him. He buried his face against her shoulder and sobbed, the way he had years ago, when she died in his arms. She held him close, pressing her cheek to his temple, speaking to him softly.
*I know you feel responsible. But I was as much to blame for my fate as you were. You may have killed Kiyosato... but if I had given him reason to stay with me, you would never have even met him. You killed him because he was your enemy... and if you hadn't, he would have killed you. That was the way things were during Bakumatsu...*
His voice was ragged, barely a whisper.
*That's true. Still... what happened to you... what I did to you...*
She shushed him, placing a finger to his lips.
*I know you never meant to hurt me. That, too, was my fault. You were trying to save me... and I got in your way. I foolishly thought I could protect you... but really, I was just afraid of losing you the way I had lost Kiyosato. The fear made me act without thinking.*
*So... it was my own selfishness that caused my death.*
He lifted his head slightly, staring at her in astonishment.
*Your selfishness?*
She nodded solemnly.
*When I first came to Kyoto, I thought only of my own pain... my own desire for revenge... I never once considered what you were going through. It never occurred to me that there was more to what happened to Kiyosato than your simply murdering him. All I wanted was for you to suffer, the way you had made me suffer.*
*But Katsura-san helped open my eyes... to really see you. And slowly... my mind changed.*
She cradled his face in her hands, tears forming in her eyes.
*But I ended up hurting you anyway. Enishi, too... by leaving him to fend for himself, I set him on his current path to madness. If I had known what would happen afterwards... I would not have died so easily.*
She was crying in earnest now.
*Can you ever forgive me, my beloved husband, for causing you so much pain?*
He exhaled sharply and pulled her close to him.
*Oh, Tomoe... there was never anything to forgive...*
She smiled at him through her tears.
*Then that's true... for both of us.*
..............
He had no idea how long they sat holding each other that way, unburdening their hearts. He must have fallen asleep, for when he opened his eyes, he was covered with a blanket. Tomoe must have put it there, he thought, and rose to find her.
But she was gone, and so was the shack. Instead, he found himself inside Kamiya Doujou.
For one hopeful moment, he thought maybe it was a dream, all of it. Not just meeting Tomoe again... and Shishio... and Hiko... but Enishi's Jinchuu... and its devastating conclusion.
But it was so quiet. No sounds of practice... no cheerful greetings... no squabbling. The air was stale, the room dusty. It was as if the doujou had been abandoned for a long time.
Of course. No one was there. Without Kaoru, there was no reason for any of them to stay. The weight of guilt that had begun to lift in Tomoe's arms bore down on him once more.
However... maybe her spirit was waiting for him here. He already had an opportunity to make peace with Tomoe... he would certainly be given that chance with Kaoru, as well. He hurried to the door, sliding it open quickly, revealing an empty yard.
*Hello? Kaoru? Are you here?*
Silence.
He searched all around the doujou, calling her name, finding no sign of her. Finally, he sank to the ground near the well, dejected and puzzled. Why wasn't she here? Was it because he had returned to reality?
*Not quite, my foolish student.*
He whirled around to face Hiko, who was sitting in front of him, drinking sake and smirking.
*You again? Why do you keep popping up in my dreams?*
His master sighed in exasperation.
*Still as ungrateful as ever. Do you think I enjoy watching you flounder like this?*
*As a matter of fact... yes. You always did enjoy torturing me.*
Hiko glowered at him.
*That's not true! Well... maybe a little. But that's not why I'm here now. I want to make sure you find your answer.*
He opened his mouth to say he didn't understand. But a thought stopped him.
Ten years ago, he had become rurouni to atone for all he had done as Hitokiri Battousai. But deep down, he had always believed true redemption impossible. He had killed too many people... destroyed too many lives. There was no way he could truly make amends.
It wasn't until he had met Kaoru that he had started to think differently.
... I couldn't care less about someone's past! ...
She never once blamed him or condemned him for his acts as Battousai. Neither had his other friends. They accepted him unconditionally, past and all, despite all they'd suffered as a result of their connection with him. If they could understand... forgive... care for him... then surely...
He remembered Tomoe's words to him in his earlier dream:
... beloved. I forgave you long ago. Didn't you know that? ...
In that moment, he understood what she... what everyone... had been trying to say to him for so long. He jumped up. Hiko regarded him impassively, sipping his sake.
*All this time, I thought I was beyond redemption... a sinner who could never make up for the wrongs I'd done. But over and over again, I've met good people who discovered who I was in the past... the terrible things I'd done... yet they forgave me for it all, accepted me without qualms. I always thought it was because they really didn't understand... didn't see the flaws, the dark corners where the Hitokiri still lurked.*
*As usual, you were being self-centered. I know you call it humility... but to so easily dismiss the feelings of others in favor of your own is just another form of selfishness.*
He stared at Hiko, frowning slightly.
*I was going to say that! I see it now... and I regret it.*
*So now you know... you need only say the word, and your redemption will be complete. You've done more than enough to atone for the past... it's time to let it rest.*
He stood silently, staring into space. It sounded so simple. And it would have been... before Enishi's arrival. The events of the past few weeks... his failure to defeat Enishi...
And... the ultimate loss...
... Kaoru... dono... KAORU...
No matter what Hiko said, he hadn't done nearly enough. He could never make up for failing her. He collapsed to his knees, his head in his hands, whimpering.
*no... no... it's too much... can't bear it... can't go on... not like this... not without her... it means nothing without her...*
As he wept, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He didn't look up as his master spoke to him gently.
*I see you took my final lesson as your master to heart. For the first time since your wife died, you allowed another to touch your heart... and you made her your reason for living. Now that she's gone, you think there's none.*
He nodded, head still in hands, too miserable to reply.
*Kenshin. You must put aside your grief... as you did with Tomoe. There are others that need you.*
He knew Hiko was right. The others... Yahiko, especially... needed him now more than ever. But his strength was spent... his will to live nearly gone. The Kenshin the others needed didn't exist anymore. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if he...
His master yanked him off the ground. He stared at Hiko in surprise as he hissed at him through gritted teeth.
*I always knew you were a stupid, selfish pupil. But I never thought you were a coward. Where's the strength you found after Tomoe died?*
He wiped his eyes with his dirty sleeve, feeling peevish and -- as always -- misunderstood.
*I was younger then... and I had a purpose... a promise to fulfill.*
*You think you don't now? You continued as Hitokiri Battousai because you wanted to finish what you had set in motion. What about the events in motion now? Enishi's Jinchuu may be complete... but there's still a lot that needs to be resolved. And since you were the cause of it all, you need to finish it.*
He pushed his master away, glaring at him fiercely.
*That's not fair!*
*It may be unfair, but it's true.*
*What more can I do now? Let the police handle it... it's their business now. Enishi's done with me... he won't come back. His accomplices have been defeated and are in jail. There's nothing more for me to do.*
*So you say. But Enishi is still at large. He's a criminal... he needs to be brought to justice before he hurts someone else.*
*That's Saitou's job, not mine. He'll succeed... he always does... unlike me.*
Hiko sneered.
*You're breaking my heart. If you would stop feeling sorry for yourself for one second, you would be able to clearly see reality.*
He screamed in frustration and despair.
*I DON'T WANT TO SEE REALITY IF IT MEANS LIVING WITHOUT HER!*
He hung his head, his hoarse sobs echoing through the empty yard. Hiko stood silently, arms crossed, his brow furrowed. Then he shook his head in disgust.
*I see. Then there's no helping you. You'd rather die alone with your misery, leaving those who depend on you behind to suffer. I've never been so disappointed in you, my foolish pupil.*
His master turned, scooping up his sake bottle. As he walked away, Hiko glanced back at him grimly.
*I think Kamiya Kaoru would feel the same way. Your choice dishonors her feelings for you... and yours for her.*
*But then, what would I know about that... right?*
...........
He felt a sudden chill as everything went black once again. But he didn't sleep this time. His master's last words were deeply troubling. How could he be dishonoring Kaoru by grieving for her?
He flashed back to the time right after Shishio's defeat, when Sano and Aoshi had brought him back to Kyoto. Gravely wounded, he'd been exhausted by the time they reached the ruined Aoiya. It had been very late at night, yet Kaoru was the first to meet them.
He would never forget her stricken expression, her tears as she cried his name over and over. They carried him inside what was left of the building...
... here, put him in my room ... it's one of the few still standing ...
... Shit, what a mess ... is everyone all right, Jou-chan? ...
... more or less ... just exhausted, mainly ... Yahiko had a close call, but he's recovering ...
They laid him on her futon. Aoshi went for the doctor, and Kaoru asked Sano to bring water and bandages.
... oh Sanosuke, do you still have Megumi-san's medicine? We'll need that, too ...
... here it is ... there isn't much left ... I used most of it already just to keep him alive until we could get here ...
He heard her choke back a sob. When she spoke again, her voice was firm.
... It will be enough ... we won't let him die ... right? ...
... damn right ... you hear that, Kenshin? ...
He heard Sanosuke leave the room. Barely conscious, he managed to open his eyes halfway, smile weakly.
... wakatte de gozaru ... shinpai ... denai ... Kao ... ru ... do ... no ...
As he slipped into blackness, Kaoru bent over him, loosening the belt of his hakama, removing his shredded gi. The last thing he remembered seeing was her beautiful bright eyes, fierce with determination.
... Kenshin ... I won't let you give up ... not now ... not ever ...
There was no doubt... those words... her strong will... had kept him alive.
But... she was no longer there to live for. No longer there to lend him strength.
He remembered standing woodenly over Kaoru's cleansed corpse at the clinic. He gently clasped one of her hands... so cold and heavy in his own... as Megumi-dono spoke anxiously to him.
... Ken-san ... I know you're blaming yourself ... please don't ... it was the last thing Kaoru-san would've wanted. The night you told us about Tomoe-san ... she said she didn't want you to suffer like that ever again. None of us do ...
He didn't look at her, didn't even acknowledge her presence. Her voice rose, shaking with frustration.
... But ... it can't be helped ... can it? Oh, Ken-san ... is there nothing I can do? ...
He closed his eyes.
... leave us ... please ... just for a minute ...
She left the room without a word. He didn't remember how long he stood there, gazing at her now-peaceful face, the cross scar Enishi had given her covered by a bandage. How thoughtful of Megumi-dono...
He bent down and gently kissed her cold lips, whispering the words he'd foolishly denied her while she was alive.
... Kaoru ... my sweet Kaoru ... I loved you so much ...
His tears dripped down onto her face, and he used the ragged sleeve of his gi to wipe them away. As he turned to go, he managed to choke out--
... sayonara ...
--and slipped quietly out of the clinic while Megumi-dono was busy tending to Yahiko.
If only she were here now. If only her spirit would appear to him the way Tomoe's had. He could hold her... tell her everything he'd held inside for so long... everything he'd intended to tell her after defeating Enishi.
*--I love you--and I'll never leave you again--sweet Kaoru--*
Why wouldn't she come? Was she angry with him for failing to prevent her death? No... that wasn't like Kaoru. There was something else... something he was missing.
He heard Hiko's words echo in his head--
... I've never been so disappointed in you, my foolish pupil ... I think Kamiya Kaoru would feel the same way ...
His master was right again... damn him. Maybe that's why he hadn't seen Kaoru. She was disappointed in him... not for failing to protect her... but for giving up and refusing to go on.
He heard his master's voice in the darkness--
*Think about it this way, my stupid pupil... why would she be here? Concentrate for just one second on reality... not your fears... not your burdens. Focus on the facts.*
The facts. The image of Kaoru's body appeared before him again. This time, instead of retreating, he took his master's suggestion and ran through the scene with the detachment that had served him so well as Battousai.
That sword wound -- right through the heart -- she had probably died instantly.
The blood oozing from the wound... trickling from her mouth... dripping from the cross scar.
Her limbs were still limp. She hadn't been dead long... maybe five minutes... maybe ten.
After the cleansing, she had been more rigid. Her flesh was cold, her hand stiff and smooth when he grasped it.
Her hand... smooth...
Smooth? That wasn't right. Surely there had been calluses... she'd been sword-training for years.
No... the hand had been dry, the skin cracked and peeling. But not callused.
Strange. It didn't make sense--
Just then, a faint sound distracted him... the sound of his name being called repeatedly...
As the blackness lightened to gray, he heard Hiko's voice in the distance...
*That's it, my stupid pupil. Time enough to ponder that later... there are still others waiting for you back in reality. Others who believe in you... who need you... a reason for going on...*
.............
As the real world around him began to come back into focus, the tearful voice became stronger--
"Kenshin-san! Kenshin-san!"
Only one person he knew called him Kenshin-san. He opened his eyes.
Tsubame-chan was kneeling in front of him, grasping the legs of his tattered hakama, her tear-stained face raised beseechingly. She was surrounded by the stunned residents of Rakuninmura. Her words were broken by sobs.
"Onegai... Kenshin-san... Yahiko-kun... Yahiko-kun needs you! If you don't stop him... help him... he's going to die!"
Yes. There was reason enough for him to live... for now. His eyes glowed fiercely as he picked up his sakabatou, shattering the chains as he pulled it from its sheath.
-- end --
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