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~ Grief and Hope ~
by Serizawa Kamo
This fanfic is based on the story and characters created by Watsuki Nobuhiro. Hail him! ^_^
Standard disclaimers apply.
As always, C&C’s highly appreciated! Please! ^_^
In the bottom, there’s a list of the Japanese words I’ve used, if any.
There may be some Revenge Arc spoilers in this story.
Part 0 – Yume (Dream)
“ Be the change that you want to see in the world. ”
( Mahatma Gandhi )
.....Surrounded by a dense and uneasy darkness, I wake up, slowly opening my eyes to welcome the pitch-black nothingness. I stand alone, trying to figure out where I am now... Hesitatingly, I try to walk some steps ahead – the floor, if I can call “this” as floor, seems pretty steady. Confused memories are all I’ve got in my head, a whirlwind of flashes and scenes going to and fro, while I realize I’m wearing nothing but this strange coat with brocades, like the gold brocades of the Emperor. This place gives me the creeps, I don’t know why... and this void doesn’t help alleviating it, making me feel the smallest among the small, a nauseating sensation. Hello, is there anybody out there? Damn.
Suddenly, I see the darkness shattering like glass in a loud noise and light gushes out from the crevices like a white inferno, blinding me. Murky fragments fly through me in a flabbergasting explosion as the white, radiant light slowly dims and starts to take form gradually, and now darkness fights back the light, a muddy mass of emptiness swallowing everything. A snowy translucent dome surrounds me and the light source, then it is washed away with the rain of gloom that pours from everywhere, throwing me back to the ultimate darkness except by the dulling silvery light. A giant wolf is taking shape, a silver and terrible wolf with its eyes closed in an absent expression, like a marvellously chiseled statue made by the finest artisans of Japan. Two drips of darkness fall in its eyelids and the wolf opens its eyes, revealing the most beautiful, yet loathsome pair of amber jewels shining in the darkness. Slowly, the wolf bares its fangs and lunges towards me, in an gracious and swift leap of flexibility and strength. I can’t flee, frozen in my feet as I am. Fear is what now runs in my veins and dread is what my brain aknowledges, as the beast is now on top of me smiling its ghastly smile. An unbearably acute pain makes me shriek, his fangs now are stuck deep inside my chest and streams of warm blood flow from the wound. The wolf howl with delight as I almost pass out of agony, my heart still throbbing being torn apart mercilessly. Not even being able to scream anymore, bittersweet blood is the liquor that fills my mouth foretelling my death. Desperately, I try to wrap my coat around the wolf’s neck, trying to strangle him, but the attempt is fruitless.
My consciousness is quickly waning... the wolf is now joyfully chewing my heart, I can see it... I feel cold and weak... farewell, my love and my wife... take care of our child... our... child....
Remember when Kaoru was born, dear Mayumi ? It was our long-awaited child, the only missing link in our happiness. Her first cries sounded like a naive laughter, filling the room with joy. She was a relief, a pond where I could stare at without seeing a single stain of dirt, while I wallowed in oceans of blood from the people who have fallen prey to my sword.
Remember when she took her first step, dear Mayumi? It didn’t look like a baby’s first unsure step, oh no, it was a step of a girl, of an elegant girl. We got so excited that we did almost held a party, didn’t we? It is so funny thinking about it now, what an exaggeration...
And remember when she talked for the first time, dear Mayumi? Ah, we were so astounded when she uttered her first words! It was like yesterday, she saying in her cute feeble voice, “ma-ma... pa-pa....” Even now, as I remember that, tears of happiness are rolling down my pale face...
But now it’s all over. I’ve been exiled forever from our home, our tiny Garden of Heaven, where we sowed our seeds of joy and love, while outside I heaped grief from countless killings in our name... Now I can put an end in all this...
I can put an end in all this...
“pa-pa....”
I can put an end in all this...?
“pa-pa...”
I can put an end in all this?!?!
“pa-pa...”
No... go back... Kaoru... Kaoru.... KAORU!!!!!!!!!!
Yurimoto Shigeaki woke up panting heavily. Bloodshot eyes and sweat-soaked clothes showed clearly his despair, as he sat down and laid his trembling right hand on his forehead. A terrible headache made him feel dizzy and he closed his eyes as to make the pain go away. He looked around him, to reassure himself he’d had a nightmare, just a nightmare, nothing but a nightmare... He glanced at his spouse, Mayumi, quietly sleeping by his side and holding tightly their child, Kaoru. A cool breeze blew and Shigeaki gently covered his wife and child with the futon. He couldn’t sleep anymore, as flashes of the dream haunted him and made him shiver with dread. From the window, he welcomed the first rays of the rising sun, as they envolved him in a warm embrace, a brand new day offering its brightest greetings to him.
The year is 1865, the First Year of Keiou Era. Since last year, Kyoto had become a slaughterhouse where blood-flowing fights was a commonplace and streets were filled with the foul stench of death. In July, 1864, First Year of Genji Era, a terrible war had taken place in Kyoto, known as the “Kinmon no Hen” or “Hamaguri Gomon no Hen”. After the Shinsengumi had killed many of the most proeminent people among the Ishin Shishi in the Ikeda Inn Affair, Choushuu had invaded Kyoto in retaliation, a rampaging war that costed many lives and where much of the city was utterly ruined. With the victory of the Bakufu, Choushuu was driven away in shame and now organizations closely related to Bakufu, such as Shinsengumi and Kyoto Mimawarigumi, were assigned to the defense of Kyoto. Among them, Shinsengumi was the fiercest group, its crimson banner waving dauntly in the streets of Kyoto and its members, clad in blue jackets with white mountain-shaped stripes, hunted down and killed anybody that could be an Ishin Shishi. Although an year had already passed since the war, there was no signal that the Bakufu would end the hunting of Ishin Shishi, nor that the Ishin Shishi would stop plotting against the Bakufu.
Many people were caught in this vicious swirl of chaos and destruction, a true calamity that scattered sorrow and suffering upon the common people under the brilliant argument that Japan needed drastic changes in its government to face the ever-present threat of colonization by Western countries. Truly, the bright future that was promised, the glorious banner waved by the Ishin Shishi and by the Bakufu alike, was indeed a image of heaven brought unto earth. A place where people could at least enjoy peace, a word nearly cast into oblivion in such times. A time when people could expect to live until tomorrow, a day nearly as far as the shores of lands unknown to men. However, the banner of the future was a beauty to be seen only by few, an awe-inspiring standard dyed with the blood of the dead and washed with the tears of the survivors.
Nevertheless, there was hope, like small beads of gold quietly shining in the banks of a river. But if it could be said that hope was the only thread that linked life and man, it could also be said that hope was a strong strand that suited to hanging...
This story is about a man and his family, caught in this raging tempest called Bakumatsu.This story is about a man who killed hundreds of men and dreamed with the dawn of a new era.
This story is about a man who lived through nightmares in his hunting of evil.
This story is about murderers.
This story is about sinners.
This story is about grief --- and hope.
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