~ One Nite A Year ~

by Serizawa Kamo

This fanfic was written first because of the wicked silliness of the author’s mind, who cannot write a gude fic, and two, for entertainment purposes only. I don’t want to make any profit of this, since who would buy anything like this?

Most of the characters presented in the fic belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony, Shuueisha and any other parties that I can’t remember right now. Any other characters belong to their respective owners.

All the story presented in the fic belongs to Japanese tradition (since the 7th century) and Chinese tradition (since God-knows-when).

No use trying to sue me, because it’s as stupid as trying to land on the Sun at night in order to avoid the heat of the star (as I heard from a Latin American friend of mine). No bucks near sight, ok? I’m just a poor boy, in many a meaning.

Any other disclaimers apply, or so I guess...

Having said that, let’s move on to the fic...

-----------------------
Sasa no hara sarasara   The bamboo leaves nods
Nokiba ni yureru   Rustlingly by the eaves.
Ohoshisama kirakira   The stars are shining in the sky
Kingin sunago   Like dust of gold and silver.
     
Goshiki no tanzaku   I wrote down in the multicolored
Watashi ga kaita   strips of fancy paper ("tanzaku")
Ohoshisama kirakira   The stars are shining brightly
Sora kara miteru   Watching us from the sky.

("Tanabata", a traditional Japanese song for children)


 The monotonous sound of the handloom was the only thing that dared to disturb the too tedious atmosphere of the Tentei’s magnificent kiln. Lord Hiko Seijuurou sipped his sake, a delicious nectar mixed with ambrosia, boredom taking over his mind, as he sighed, "I’d never think I would face this. Me, the Lord of the Heavens. How could this happen? I should have lots of things to do, to save people according to the principles of the Hiten Mitsurugi, to kill people who deserve death, and all I do is listening to the weaving of my daughter Shokujo Kaoru. Well, I shouldn’t be complaining", he grinned, looking at his marvellously wrought out cape, "but I guess I should do something. She is almost eighteen, which means she is almost legal – I mean, ready to marry. Yeah, that’s it." Looking at his clean board named "What shall I do today?", he took a heavenly brush dipped in the black ink of night and in quick strokes he wrote, "Get a husband to Kaoru". Thinking about that, he added, "A husband that can cook edible food to replace Kaoru as the provider of blessed food to mankind" . After all, every time she cooked for the people on Earth, Hiko heard ceaseless complaints about work overload from Death, and he was sort of fed up with it.

Sitting with a loud thud on a comfy chair made out of cumulus and nimbus (legend tells that every time he did that it started raining heavily for the people on Earth), he picked up a catalog labeled "Persona Profiles for Marriage". He started flipping the pages, looking for a suitable man to be his son-in-law.

"So, let’s see... hmm... Shinomori Aoshi. Nah, this guy will make Heaven even more tedious and gloomy. No way. This guy is out. Next, Saitou Hajime... no, not this guy. Heaven is a non-smoking area and he’s not PC. This is also out. Shishio Makoto? Nah, I want to have a son-in-law for more than fifteen minutes. So...," Hiko flipped more pages, "Udou Jin-eh, no....Raijuuta, no...Hiruma Goheh, no... Ranma Saotome, wrong manga...blah, blah, blah..."

He stopped, muttering to himself as he rested his chin on the right hand, "No, I’ve got to have a clear profile of my son-in-law. How should he be? Hm, first, he should be at least a reasonable swordsman. Second, he should be able to do all the house chores, including cooking, which is a very important asset.", Hiko sighed as his empty stomach agreed with him. "Third, he should be cool, because "cool boys go to heaven, hot boys go to hell", in order to maintain the thermodynamics of heaven and hell. Moreover, he should be stupid, so that he can be easily manipulated. So who would be the guy?"

His eyes brightened as he slapped the catalogue with the back of his right hand. "Of course! My stupid pupil Himura Kengyuu!Albeit he isn’t cool at all, at least he fulfills all the other prerequisites. Yeah, that is a suitable husband for my daughter."

Walking gleefully towards Shokujo Kaoru, the mighty Lord of the Heavens declared to her, "May happiness be bestowed unto you, my dear daughter, for the time of joy has come. I, Hiko Seijuurou, the Tentei, have chosen a husband for you to marry and have the delicious nectar of bliss forevermore pouring from your heart."

"And who is he that will be my husband, dear father?"

Showing her a page from the catalogue, which featured a picture of a handsome man with red hair and a cross scar in his cheek, Hiko answered, "Himura Kengyuu is the name of the one who will share the light of day with you. Once he was a pupil of mine, but after some skirmishes he left me to join some idio... exceedingly daring people whose goal was to take Heaven unto Earth. Unfortunately their attempt was not as successful as they had imagined, and thus Himura started a new life as a wanderer, eventually settling himself as a cattle herder on the other side of the river Amanogawa. He is perfect to be your husband, as perfect are the things upon which I place my hand.", he grinned, making Kaoru giggle. "Or almost perfect, if the thing is my stup... my dearest pupil."

Somewhere in the heavens, Himura Kengyuu sneezed.

-----------------------

"So, Himura Kengyuu, do you accept Shokujo Kaoru as your wife?"

"Yes, my master."

"And you, Shokujo Kaoru, do you accept Himura Kengyuu as your husband?"

"Yes, my father."

"So, I, Hiko Seijuurou, the Lord of the Heavens, hereby declare you as husband and wife.", Hiko declared in a grave voice, as he thought, "There’s nothing like fanfic writers who are just too lazy or incompetent to write the unimportant parts."

-----------------------
 
 

Several months have passed...


 
 

"See?", grinned Hiko.

-----------------------

Let’s start again. Several months have passed...

Hiko Seijuurou snorted in distress, "Feh, maybe the idea of marriage wasn’t that good, after all. Shokujo!", he shouted, "Bring Himura Kengyuu at my presence."

"Oro? What makes you need my lowly self, Master and father-in-law?", Himura entered the heavenly hut that Kengyuu insisted in naming it Jabba the Hut, given its sheer size and the absolute lack of beauty – a quirk Himura would never dare to tell Hiko. But then, there were no far away galaxies, just an ordinary hut in heaven.

"Well, I am pleased to see that you two are getting along quite well. But at the same time I am extremely displeased to see that you two are getting along quite well." Looking nonchalantly at the puzzled couple, he caressed his cape, "Once, this cape was the best cape ever made in the whole universe. But now, it has been relegated to a secondary position. Why? Because before, Shokujo Kaoru cared every day for the well being of me and my cape, but now, all she does is crossing the Amanogawa and doing (censored) and (censored) and (censored)! And you even do (censored), a physically amazind feat even for immortals, not to mention (censored) and (censored)!"

Two faces were as red as the sun in twilight, but soon they became pale as the moon as Hiko said, "I will tolerate no more of that. From now on, I forbid any more close encounters between you."

"But Master!", cried Himura in despair.

"Stop calling me Master! I am no longer your Master since the moment you decided not to be the 14th Inheritor of the Hiten Mitsurugi!"

"But Master, I remember clearly that you said that you taught me not the Hiten Mitsurugi to make me unhappy!"

Hiko glared angrily to Kengyuu, "And the truth did I say. But when did (censored) become a part of the Hiten Mitsurugi techniques?! Or are you boldy trying to prove me that (censored) is a variation of Kuzu Ryuu Sen?! Or that (censored) is another stance to perform the Battou-jutsu?!"

Himura Kengyuu fell silent, as Hiko grimaced, "However, I am a loving Lord of the Heavens. Pity I have beneath my gentle soul and thus I will grant you one day – hearken carefully to me – just one day. The day will be the seventh day of Fumizuki, and in this day you may meet again each other. Dare to disobey me, and you will be severely punished."

-----------------------

The seventh day of Fumizuki was eagerly awaited by the couple. Himura Kengyuu looked every second at his sandwatch that refused to work as fast as he wanted. However, his apprehension was directed not only at the time, but also at the weather, for heavy clouds announced an imminent rain.

And the rain came. Strongly. An infuriated rain. Himura Kengyuu looked as the level of the river Amanogawa quickly rose and the once calm stream of water was now a mighty torrent of water. The Amanogawa was too dangerous to cross.

"This must be Hiko Seijuurou’s doing", thought Himura. "Think, Himura, think", said to himself. "There must be a way... of course." Falling into a battou-jutsu stance, he smiled. "The Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki is the solution. Translating the name of the technique, you’d get ‘the Flash of the Dragon that runs through the sky’. So I can make the dragon works as a bridge, since we are in the sky, and thus my beloved Shokujo Kaoru can cross the river."

In a hut in Heaven, Hiko was jumping on a comfy chair.

-----------------------

Hiko Seijuurou watched the scene amusedly from his comfy chair, as the Network of Heaven in a Kiln (NHK) Channel – "We mean happiness. Around the clock." – showed Kengyuu preparing to strike. Now he was having fun. He saw his pupil narrowing his eyes and unleashing a powerful blow as a roar echoed throughout heaven. In a split second, a bright flash of light beamed from Himura’s scabbard across the river.

Hiko grinned, "Stupid pupil. The idea of using the dragon was not bad, but you forgot that it is during only a flash – as the name puts it – that the dragon runs. How is Kaoru supposed to cross the bridge in a moment?" Stretching his arm, he fetched a bow of ambrosian popcorn and nectar sake.

-----------------------

"No", cried Kengyuu. Warm tears ran on his face, as he knelt down in despond, "The Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki was defeated. I couldn’t protect again the ones I love. I said that it would be enough if I was able to take care of the people that reflected in my eyes, but I couldn’t even defeat a river. Was I really pathetic as a wanderer and as a cattle herder?" He closed his eyes, and in his mind a smiling image of Shokujo Kaoru came to him, "Kengyuu, let’s go back to our home. Let’s go back...""

Suddenly Himura Kengyuu stood up and yelled to the heavens, "I’m not finished yet, shishou! There are still people waiting for my return!"

-----------------------

Shokujo Kaoru tried to hide her apprehension. Where was her husband? She saw a dragon-shaped flash crossing the river towards her, who barely managed to dodge it, and she was relieved to know he was there, but how was he supposed to cross the Amanogawa? She sobbed in sorrow, sincerely praying to God – that happened to be her father – that He would let them reunite again.

Then the miracle happened. Suddenly the couple heard many flaps of wings coming towards them. A large flock of birds were approaching, led by a spiky-feathered one. They had come in peace, to help them.

"All right, buddies!", shouted the leader. "Don’t worry, we have come to help you, Jou-chan! Sanosuke is my name, at your service."

Kaoru widened her eyes. "But you’re nothing but magpies! How can you help me crossing the river? How are you supposed to build a bridge or something like that?"

"Well", Sano coughed. "Once our former leader was executed because they thought we were a false bridge. But now, we are fighting for what is right! And it isn’t right that Jou-chan can’t cross the river to meet her husband!"

-----------------------

And so the bridge was built. The birds flocked tightly together, giving Kaoru a pretty steady bridge to cross the river. At last, the couple managed to meet other again and it’s said that whoever makes a wish on this day, the wish will surely come true.
 
 

"Heh, me and my weak heart", snorted Hiko. "And didn’t I say that there’s nothing like fanfic writers who are just too l----------"

Owari (end)

-----------------------

Translations:

Tentei or Ten no Ou: the "Lord of the Heavens"

Shokujo: a name meaning "weaving girl"

Kengyuu: a name meaning "cattle herder"

Amanogawa: literally, "river of the sky". The way Japanese call the Milky Way.

Fumizuki: the old way to call "July", as "Yayoi" was March, for example.

Shishou: Master

Comments:

  1. The Shokujo is the star of Vega (of the constellation of Lyra) and the Kengyuu is the star of Altair (of the constellation of Eagle (Aquila)). If you have a clear sky tonight, the 7th of July, give a look at the sky ^_~ Maybe you can see they meeting each other ^_^
  2. Well, obviously the true tale behind the Tanabata isn’t as silly as that. But the overall story is like that: the Tentei had pity on her daughter (some say granddaughter) Shokujo, and made hear marry Kengyuu. But as Shokujo stopped weaving as much as before, forfeiting her duties to stay with Kengyuu, the Tentei got angry and forbid the two from meeting each other – except on July 7th. But when it rained, the river flooded and Shokujo couldn’t cross the river. Hearing her cry, a flock of magpies came and formed a bridge for her to cross the river.
  3. And I was really in a hurry to finish this today. My computer crashed without reason, driving me really mad.
  4. The "Tanabata" song is just too famous in Japan – for children, of course ^_^ . I doubt there’s a sample of this in the Net, but... maybe I’ll try to make a MP3, but I have to connect my veeeeery old LP player in my computer, if possible. And first I must have my computer fixed... ;_; until there, I can’t even think about writing fics... ;_; (FYI, I wrote this while at work, since the boss went on vacation again ^_^)
  5. Yeah, I know this fic is a bit strange/twisted/tasteless/etc. Blame it on my short-circuited neurons. ^_^
  6. Happy Tanabata to you all! ^___^ (albeit a bit belated...)