Lesson 2: Anatomy


"Anatomy?" Kenshin asked, both expression and voice skeptical.

"Aa.  Women are different from men," Hiko paused, considering the differences with a slight smile, "they're all about curves and softness and pliability.  Men are about planes and muscles and strength."  He gave his pupil's slight frame a quick once-over, "Well, most of us are."

"Shishou!" Kenshin glowered at his master, at the same time lamenting the truth in the much larger man's words. He was shorter and slimmer than most boys his age; and although the muscles were there . . . I'd have to strut around naked for anyone to notice them. Or bash them over the head with something.  His face twisted at the thought.  Definitely not an option.  I'd like to live long enough to actually use what shishou's been teaching me.

Lowering the sake jug after taking a healthy swig, Hiko caught Kenshin's somewhat disgusted expression.  "Oi! What's that face for?  It's not my fault you're nothing but bones."  He smirked as the violet eyes flashed with annoyance.  "Don't worry about it, boy.  You've still got time to grow . . . and if Meirou's any indication, women will find you appealing even if you don't."  He brought the jug to his lips again, mumbling under his breath, "Only Kami-sama knows why . . . maybe it's your hair."

Kenshin shifted restlessly, wishing Hiko would get on with it, and wondering what his hair had to do with anything.  It was just hair.  Meirou's hair was pretty, though . . . falling dark and silky past her shoulders . . . "Kenshin.  Kenshin!" He jumped, surprised to be caught daydreaming.  Especially about hair.

"Baka deshi, are you listening to me?" his master demanded, shaking his head in mild annoyance, "Am I going to have to make this part of your training to get you to pay attention?! One secret of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, one about women?"

"I'm paying attention!" the boy retorted hotly, his face red.  He took a quick internal tally and quailed at the result.  Kami-sama, if women are as complicated as Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, I think I'd better give up now!


"Did you hear something?"

"Oro?" Kenshin turned innocent eyes on Sano, surprised at the interruption.  "Hear something? Like what?"

"I don't know . . . I thought I heard something squeak.  You don't have mice, do you?"

"Baka! Ugly'd have a fit if she thought there were mice in her precious dojo," Yahiko retorted, "you're just hearing things.  Shutup, and let Kenshin get back to his story." I need Kenshin to finish his story, he silently added.  That bit about women being complicated had him worried.  Shikashi . . . Sano's got Megumi and Kenshin's got Kaoru . . . so women can't be that hard to understand . . . Right?  He looked over at Sano, placidly chewing on his ever-present fish bone.  Right.

Out of sight but within reach of hearing, Kaoru sat with her hands clamped over her mouth, hastily stifling her laughter after that first delighted peal.  Kenshin's recounting of his younger self's thoughts was something of an eye opener, although it only took a moment to imagine him saying and doing the things he recalled.  Still, her eyes had teared up when he mentioned that earlier Kenshin's desire to live long enough to use his sword skills.  He'd used what Hiko taught him . . . and lived to regret it soon after.  Oh, Kenshin.


Hiko watched his idiot pupil's eyes bug out, his expression turn decidedly nervous.  "It was just a joke, you moron!" His own eyes sparkled with a certain sadistic glee as the boy relaxed.  "It takes years to understand women; even you should be able to master Hiten faster than that."

Kenshin spluttered, caught somewhere between anger and embarrassment and unable to do anything about either.  He did that on purpose.  His master merely grinned at him, the curve of his lips clearly and smugly admitting, Of course I did.  But you let me, baka deshi. "Well?" he prompted sullenly, once he'd finally regained control of his voice.

"Oh? So you're ready to listen?"  The grin widened as Kenshin glared a response.  "Like I was saying: women are different from men.  Men are made to bear hardships; to provide shelter and protection.  Women are made to bear children; to provide comfort and to give us the will to fight."

That doesn't sound right, Kenshin thought, watching Hiko take another drink from the rapidly-emptying jug.  For one thing, Meirou had made him uncomfortable, more than anything else.  And for another . . . well, shishou's definition seemed rather . . . restrictive.

Oblivious to his pupil's doubt, Hiko continued his lecture.  "That's why women are soft -- because it's more suited to providing comfort to both men and children."

Kenshin had to admit that made some sense.  Not a lot, but some.  Maybe shishou knows what he's talking about after all.

"And they're curved so we know where to put our hands."

His eyes bugged out again.  Where to put our hands?!  Maybe not.  "Why?" he asked, interrupting before the older man could confuse things any further.

Hiko paused, taking in his pupil's skeptical expression.  "Why what?"

"Why would we need to know where to put our hands?  And why would we want to . . . and isn't that likely to make them angry?"

Hiko groaned, rubbing his face with one large hand.  Didn't the boy realize they were talking about sex?  "Baka deshi, you're not supposed to go around putting your hands on them indiscriminately--"

"I know that! That's what I'm saying!" His voice was suddenly high and squeaky as he yelped a protest.

"--and as for why . . . your family jewels are called that for a reason, you idiot!  If and when you ever marry, your wife is the one who's going to produce the family . . . so at some point you're going to have to touch her!"

Kenshin froze, mouth open, a half-formed retort on his lips.  Wife?  Children?  "But . . . but I thought . . ." I thought you were just going to tell me about women.   He winced, mentally flinching from his own stupidity.  Baka!  What did you expect him to tell you?  He sighed resignedly, and then another thought struck him.  Am I ready for this? What if shishou expects me to try it after he tells me about it?  After all, that's his standard method for teaching Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu . . .   Suddenly nervous and uncertain, his face went pale and his knees turned wobbly.  I'm not ready for this!

Hiko wondered briefly if the young fool was going to pass out from shock.  "Look, just shutup and listen.  It's really not that complicated.  When the time comes, you're going to want to touch her.  The curves are just a guide as to where and how." He gave the boy a minute for that to sink in, for his legs to remember how to support him.  "It's like when you first learned to hold a sword: until you got the grip right, you were awkward; you couldn't manage the blocks or strikes.  It's the same with women: until you know where to touch them and how, you aren't going to be any good at it."  Kenshin didn't look reassured.  Damnation, I meant to have fun with him, not scare him witless!  "Baka deshi, trust me on this.  Put your hands where the curves are and both of you will be happy!"  No wonder I drink so much sake!  he thought wryly, helping himself to another libation, If I didn't already have a habit, he'd force me to develop one.

"Shikashi . . . what about . . . what about . . . " his voice was small, hesitant; more than a little afraid of the answer to his unasked question, and therefore unable to voice it.

Hiko had no mercy.  "What about what?" One eyebrow quirked as Kenshin floundered a little more, the blood returning to his face full-force.  "Spit it out, boy!"

"What about . . . " Gesturing vaguely at his lower body, he murmured something about "family jewels", hoping Hiko would grasp his meaning.

"Oh, that." Hiko smirked, conscience assuaged now that his pupil no longer appeared to be on the verge of panic.  "You can do that.  It's like sheathing a sword.  She's the saya and you're the blade."  Kenshin's eyes widened until they were perfectly round.  "Man and woman are made to fit just as neatly . . . although, if it's her first time, you'll be able to tell." His smile turned slightly wistful, as if he were remembering and regretting something. "Kami-sama gave women a shield, and to sheath your blade that first time, you'll have to break through it. It'll hurt, and she'll probably bleed a little--" he broke off, suddenly recalling where he was and to whom he was talking.  His lips curved sardonically, "Still, with a little practice, you'll be able to sheath that as easily as your katana . . . so if you're lucky, she won't mind the initial wounding." 


"Wait a minute!" Yahiko's voice was strident with confusion and dismay.  "You mean that for me to . . . for me to . . ." his words faded to a shocked whisper, "I'd have to hurt Tsubame?"

"Aa--" Kenshin began, his tone both soothing and apologetic.

"But it's not like you're doin' it on purpose!" Sano's attitude was a mixture of annoyance and remorse. "Well, you are . . . but you wouldn't if you could help it . . . It's not your fault!"

Kaoru rolled her eyes at the ex-gangster's outburst. I knew he wouldn't get it right.

Her husband seemed to agree. "Sano," he said, using his most authoritative voice, "sit down, and be quiet." His violet eyes were understanding as he turned back to the obviously worried boy.  After all, his own reaction had been very similar.  "Yahiko, would you touch Tsubame-dono if she didn't want you to?"

"Of course not!" his entire body projected outrage at the very idea. Kenshin smiled.

"But if she wanted you to?  If she needed you to?"

"Yes . . ." this time Yahiko's answer was hesitant, not quite certain where he was being led.  Kenshin's smile widened.

"Then you don't have anything to worry about."

Yahiko eyed him warily, wanting to believe his reassurances, but anxious just the same.  "Did you hurt Kaoru?" he demanded.

"Yahiko!  You can't ask him that!"  On the other side of the partition, Kaoru nodded her head in emphatic agreement with Sanosuke's protest.

Kenshin merely raised an eyebrow.  "What do you think?"

In the sudden silence, Kaoru fought an impulse to reach through the thin wall and throttle her husband.  Remember, this was your idea!  she silently scolded herself,  You can smack him for indulging in male bonding later!

"Chikusho!"  Sano's voice held new respect, and no small amount of amazement.  Yahiko burst out laughing.

"Well, now I know which one of you to ask for advice."

"Chikusho!"  Sano repeated, chagrined.  Yahiko just laughed harder.

"Yare yare . . . are we done now?  I have laundry to do if you don't want to hear the rest of this."  Kenshin strove for a tone that was matter-of-fact, but somehow only managed to sound wistful.  His audience immediately noticed his lapse.

"We're listening!  We're listening!"


Gulping, Kenshin glanced briefly downwards.  What Hiko was suggesting seemed a physical impossibility.  He opened his mouth to ask the next obvious question, but his shishou beat him to it.

"How?  Things change . . . you would've found out today if Meirou had managed to make you a little more uncomfortable."  He grinned, raising the sake jug to his mouth, "Better luck next time."

Kenshin struggled to respond, his voice a tangle of humiliation, irritation, and curiosity.  Instead of an anguished and embittered cry of "Shishou!" what emerged was only a plaintive yelp: "Oro!"

"What? I said you could try again, didn't I?"  He laughed as the boy's fists clenched angrily.  "Calm down, calm down.  Baka deshi, if you don't learn to control yourself better, your enemies will be able to read you like a book." Reluctantly, Kenshin subsided, his pride still offended by the older man's ribbing"Now, if you think you understand the basics . . . ?"  there was a pause as he waited for a sullen nod of the flame-bright head, "Then it's time to talk about something a little more complicated:  Attraction."


Author's Notes:

  1. We don't see much of young Kenshin interacting with Hiko, but from what we do see, it looks like Kenshin often reacted to Hiko the way Yahiko reacts to Sano.  Kenshin was probably more respectful, but Hiko could still get him to lose his temper with embarrassing ease!  I've tried to characterize Kenshin that way - not the painfully and unfailingly polite rurouni we know and love, but something closer to a normal - if well spoken and thoughtful - boy.
  2. I was hoping for something that wasn't too ecchi or graphic . . .   I hope this serves?
  3. Thanks to the ESG, especially Neka and Risu-chan, for sharing ideas with me, and trying to help me find something suitable that Hiko could say.  Neka was the first to suggest the sword-in-sheath thing, and although my version isn't quite as . . .   naughty . . .   as hers, credit should still be given where credit is due, ne? (^_~) Similarly, Risu-chan suggested Hiko use analogies to Hiten techniques; and while I didn't use this exact idea, I think it's probably where the line about combining Kenshin's sword training with his sex education came from.  Domo arigatou, ladies!

Index of Japanese terms:

  1. shishou - master
  2. baka - stupid
  3. baka deshi - stupid pupil
  4. shikashi - but
  5. chikusho - damn


Chapter Three