Dan's LIAC -- Part 2:  Persuading Hikaru
 

Hikaru's Email:
{Message 1}
 
Hikaru,

Dan asked for the list of LIAC offices yesterday.  Think he's finally going to try for Tomoe?  (^_~)

-Tae
 

{Message 2}
 
Hikaru-san,

There was a Dan Green in here earlier today, registering for Tomoe as his LIAC.  That makes three applicants so far.  What is wrong with these people?!

I'll keep you posted, and let you know if anyone actually manages to get the consent form signed.

::giggles::

Sandra,
Informant for the Why Tomoe Sucks Club :-P
 

{Message 3}
Hey honey!

I'm looking forward to this weekend.  And there's...um...something I need to talk to you about that's kind of important...So I'll be leaving after work, and I'll be at your place in a few hours.

I love you...

Dan
 

Hikaru sits ensconced comfortably on her couch watching episode 19 of the Rurouni Kenshin anime, rewinding the hot spring scene over and over again.  The doorbell rings, and looking at her watch, she smiles.
Hikaru (thinking):  He must have come straight here after leaving work.  (Slowly standing up and fluffing her hair, she takes her time opening the door)  Ahem...
The door opens to reveal Dan, looking a little flustered, a little nervous, and with the LIAC consent form in hand.
Hikaru:  Hi!! (dragging him inside and hugging him) I'm glad you got here okay. Was traffic all right?

Dan:  (hugging her tightly) People in Houston don't know how to drive...Oh! I brought you some stuff.

Dan pulls out some long-awaited Rurouni Kenshin episodes, and Hikaru squeals in delight, throwing her arms around him.
Hikaru:  WAI!! You're so wonderful!!! (thinking) Hmm...
 
After a happy interval in which the couple catch up on each other's doings and indulge in typical, cutesy couple whispers, Hikaru smiles.
Hikaru:  So, what was it you needed to talk to me about?

Dan:  Um... well, it's like this.  Tae and Neka seem to like these LIAC, and they really do seem to come in handy.  So, well, I thought I'd try for one, too.

Hikaru:  Let me guess... Tomoe the Ice Twit, right?

Dan gives Hikaru a faintly annoyed look in response to this comment, but remembering that he needs her to sign the consent form (and provide the corroborating thumb print) decides not to comment.
Dan:  I applied for Tomoe, yes.

<pause>

Hikaru (prompting Dan):  And?  Where is she?  Not that I want to meet her or anything, but I am curious.

Dan (fidgeting a little):  Well, um, there was one little constraint, before they'd let me bring her home.

Hikaru:  Aaaaand?  Hurry up!  The suspense is killing me.

Hikaru's fingers are surreptitiously crossed behind her back.  It isn't really necessary, though, since Dan's face clearly shows he doesn't really buy the "dying of suspense" comment.
Dan:  Um, well... before they'll let me bring her home.... you and I have to fill out a questionnaire andthenyouhavetosignaconsentform.

Hikaru:  I have to sign a what?!

Dan (taken aback that she understood as much as she did):  You have to sign a consent form.  (Earnestly):  You will, won't you?  For me?

He looks at Hikaru with pleading puppy-dog eyes, but she was prepared for this, and manages to ignore them.
Hikaru:  I'll think about it.  Let's see that questionnaire.
With no small amount of dread, Dan hands over the consent form.
Hikaru:  Wow, it's huge!  (Thinking):  It ought to be, Neka and I put a lot of effort into this!
She flips through the cover page and table of contents to the actual meat of the document.
Hikaru:  Hmmm... most of these questions are for me to answer.  (Reading aloud):  On a scale of one to ten, one being a normal human being and ten being the polar ice caps, how would you rate Tomoe's personal warmth?
With great deliberation, Hikaru makes a precise circle around the number "10".
Hikaru:  If you were stuck in an elevator, whom would you prefer as company -- an obnoxious, know-it-all fanfic writer, whose talking will suck up all the oxygen while you wait to be rescued... or Tomoe, a quiet anime character who isn't technically alive, and will therefore preserve the amount of oxygen you have available and extend your chances of getting out alive?
With absolutely no hesitation, Hikaru checks "noisy fanfic writer".
Dan (horrified):  Honey!!  You can't be serious!

Hikaru:  ANYBODY is preferable to Tomoe.  Question 3:  List five to ten adjectives which you feel best describe Tomoe.

Hikaru writes, in neat script:  stupid, thoughtless, selfish, stupid, inconsiderate, conniving, stupid, stupid, stupid, and stupid  while Dan makes little strangled sounds of protest.
Hikaru:  You tend to see Tomoe as (a) an unfortunate victim of circumstance (b) the eternal love of Himura "Battousai" Kenshin (c) a misunderstood, pain-filled woman or (d) an idiot.
Hikaru happily checks "d".
Hikaru:  Ah!  Dan... this one's for you to answer.   Whom do you love most, Tomoe or me?

Dan:  You, of course.

Hikaru (mumbling under her breath):  Good answer.

Dan:  What?

Hikaru (brightly):  Nothing! Nothing.  Question 6...

Dan buries his face in his hands as Hikaru continues through the consent form, prodding him occasionally when a question requires his response.  Time passes, punctuated by her contented humming and occasional chortles.

An hour later...

Hikaru:  Dan...

Dan (lying in a dejected puddle on the floor):  You! You, you, you!

Hikaru:  Um, that's nice sweetheart... but the question this time is different.

Dan sits up slowly, a hopeful expression on his face.
Hikaru:  The question is in three parts.  Are you ready?  (He nods.)  Okay!  First -- Based on her responses to this questionnaire, would you say your significant other (a) Loves Tomoe, (b) Likes Tomoe, (c) Hates Tomoe or (d) Thinks Tomoe is the worst thing to happen to RK, including, even, the Dreaded Filler Episodes?

Dan (reluctantly, as if pulling teeth):  (d)

Hikaru:   Bingo!  Second -- knowing how your significant other feels, do you still want Tomoe as your LIAC?  If so, give supporting arguments.

Dan:  I'm sorry, honey... but YES!  I still want Tomoe as my LIAC.  I don't really have a supporting argument... I just DO.  But seeing how much you dislike her -- it'd be hard to miss after 100+ questions! -- I guess I better just forget it.  I wouldn't want to make you unhappy.

At this last, Hikaru flashes him a pleased smile, but he's too busy hanging his head to notice.
Hikaru (thinking):  Poor baby... well, it's almost over.  And everyone in the club DID agree that if they answered this last one right, it was only fair to sign the form.  (Aloud):  Third -- If your significant other wanted a LIAC that you disliked intensely, would you be willing to sign a consent form?
There is a long pause while Dan appears to be thinking this over.  And then, finally....
Dan:  Yes.  If it was something you really wanted, I'd sign.  (Mumbling under his breath): Well, I'd sign provided the character you picked wasn't an imbecile, or the type to murder us in our sleep.
The room is silent, and then Dan's ears detect the faint sound of a ball-point pen running over paper.  He lifts his head to see Hikaru.... SIGNING THE FORM!
Dan:  You signed it?

Hikaru (smiling at his surprised face):  Yup.

Dan:  But you can't stand her.

Hikaru (a little less brightly):  Yup.

Dan:  So why'd you sign?

Hikaru (shaking her head at him):  'Cause you answered the questions correctly, silly!

Dan watches, dazed, as she applies the necessary thumb print next to her signature.  As she hands him the form, he catches her in a hug.
Dan (whispering, slightly disjointed):  You're so sweet... After all those questions... I can't believe you signed it!

Hikaru (feeling just a tad guilty): Hey, don't you think you better take that back to the LIAC office, before they close?  There was someone else ahead of youwwwwwhoops!

She covers her mouth with her hand and looks at him anxiously, but he seems not to have noticed her slip.
Dan:  Um, Hikaru...?  Do you mind if I, um, take this and turn it in?

Hikaru:  Well... all right.  But you have to promise to buy me a double chocolate chunk ice cream cone to make up for it.  Deal?

Dan (smiling, distracted, admiring her signature and thumb print):  Deal.

Hikaru:  Okay. Let's find the address for the local branch office...

Address located, Hikaru watches him leave before heading back to the couch.  The RK tape has long since finished playing, so she switches off the TV, and then decides to check her Email.  She begins laughing and shaking her head as she reads.
Hikaru:  Poor Dan....
Hikaru's Email:
{Message 1}
Hikaru-san,

Amazingly enough, Guy #1 actually managed to get the consent form signed.  He just left with Tomoe.

Can't wait 'til he comes back whining he wants to return her, and finds he has to keep her for at least a month.  ::giggles::  As bad as she is in the manga, she's nothing short of B-O-R-I-N-G in person.

Sandra,
Informant for the Why Tomoe Sucks Club :-P
 

Hikaru:  Oh, yes... poor Dan.  All that work for nothing!