Dan's LIAC -- Part 3: Too Late
Dan's car screeches to a stop in front of the LIAC office a mere 10 minutes before closing. He takes the front steps two and three at a time, pushes through the revolving door, and slides to a halt in front of the only open station.Dan (slamming the consent form down on the counter): Here.Taking the form she flips through it carefully, making sure each question was answered, and that the signature and thumbprint are, in fact, there.Clerk (looking at him over her glasses): What is that?
Dan (meeting her condescending glare with his own icy stare): The consent form required when Yukishiro Tomoe of Rurouni Kenshin is requested as an LIAC. It's been signed. Now I'd like to take Tomoe home. Please.
Clerk (still eyeing him over her glasses): Did you get the corroborating--
Dan (interrupting her and enunciating carefully): Yes. I got the corroborating thumbprint.
Clerk: Hmph. Let me see.
Clerk: Well, the form does seem to be in order. Let me check the computer.She taps busily on the keys for a few moments, and slowly her face takes on a new look of respect.Clerk: You're Dan Green?With exaggerated motions the clerk grabs the consent form off the counter and sweeps it into her circular file.Dan: Yes.
Clerk: But this is impossible! You only requested Tomoe this morning!
Dan: Yes. So?
Clerk: How could you possibly have persuaded your Significant Other to sign the consent form in less than a day?
Dan: What do you mean?
Clerk: Tomoe! No sane female would agree to have Tomoe in her home. Certainly not without a lot of convincing. How could you get this.... (checks form) Hikaru to sign in less than a day?
Dan (not liking what the clerk is implying about Tomoe, and beginning to get angry at what the clerk is implying about Hikaru): Now listen--
Clerk (raising her voice and cutting Dan off): It's got to be a fake. What did you do, get your sister to sign? Pay someone who doesn't know who Tomoe is? Well, it's not going to do you a bit of good!
Dan: Hey!Dan leans over the counter until he's nose-to-nose with the clerk.Clerk: Yes? You have a problem?
Dan: What. Do you think. You are doing?Dan leans back again, and the clerk busies herself at the computer once more.Clerk (suddenly less sure of herself): Ummm.... that is....
Dan: That's what I thought. Now. If you like, I can come back tomorrow. With Hikaru. And you can explain why you threw away the consent form. Hikaru won't mind that several hours worth of effort have been wasted.
Clerk (becoming increasingly nervous): Ummm....
Dan (continuing in the same even tone): Or... you can complete the registration process, and let me take Tomoe home.
Clerk: Ummm.... just let me check that she's still available.
Clerk: Oh dear.Later that evening, back at Hikaru's....Dan: What now!?!
Clerk: I'm afraid you're too late. HIMURA KENSHIN from the SASS mailing list already turned the consent form in. He left with Tomoe about an hour ago. (As Dan rests his head on the counter and bounces it up and down repeatedly) I'm terribly sorry! Please don't do that! You'll hurt yourself!
Dan (raising his head and giving the clerk a long-suffering look): And that would be worse how? Damn Tae! I wish I'd never heard about the stupid LIAC program!
Hikaru sits on the sofa with Dan, his tired head resting in her lap as she soothingly strokes his hair.
Hikaru: There, there.... it's not so bad.She flashes him a brilliant smile, and then dumps him unceremoniously on the floor before making a run for it.Dan: If I ever find out who thought up the Why Tomoe Sucks Club, they won't know what hit 'em!
Hikaru: Mmmm hmmmm.
Dan: I wonder if any of the members are on SASS?
Hikaru: Mmmmm.
Dan: They must have a real nit-wit of a president.
Hikaru: Hey!
Dan: Oh, sorry ho--- (he stops, pauses, and then turns disbelieving eyes on Hikaru) You?
Hikaru: Heh heh.
Dan: No... President? Or the one who thought it up?
Hikaru (with reluctant pride): Both.
Dan: Hikaru!!Hikaru (laughing over her shoulder as she flees): I can't help it if she sucks! We've got several hundred members to prove it!
Dan: Why me?! Hikaru!! Come back here!
{Finis}