Subject: [kffdisc] Halves Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1999 02:44:49 PDT From: "Tin Mandigma" Reply-To: kffdisc@onelist.com To: kffdisc@onelist.com From: "Tin Mandigma" Hello, minna! It's me again ^_^; Just a short one-shot this time. A companion piece to OLH (I hope ^^;;) Thanks! Halves by Tin Mandigma ------------------------------------ This is a Rurouni Kenshin-inspired fanfic written entirely for entertainment purposes only. Standard disclaimers apply. ----------------------------------- Don't. Don't look at me. If you do, I might sink into your eyes, into that heady whirpool of brilliant sky and virginal sea foam swirling together in a passionate dance to protect the untouched serenity within. Even now as I lower my gaze to protect myself from the onslaught of yours, I feel its seductive power sucking me in, sapping my strength, my will to resist. And we both know how dangerous it will be for both of us should I ever make that choice. Should I ever allow myself to dive headlong into your depths, your essence, the storm of your being. Should I ever bathe in the healing waters of your existence. When that happens, I know that I will never rise to the surface again. I will fall, fall, fall and I will drag you down with me and drown you in my own murkiness. Don't. Don't speak to me. Your voice lulls me, entices me, draws my soul even closer to yours. Each word which falls from your lips makes its way to my heart and wounds itself tightly like a puppet's string, dragging me wherever you go, and I follow like a blind man whose only guideposts in life are those drawn by your whispers, your breathed murmurs, trailing phrases which drift through the air like the scent of spring flowers. Even now as I cut through your speech with the cold emptiness of my own, I could feel myself responding to every nuance in your voice, every inflection. Your words take me to sheer heights of carefree ecstasy when spoken in laughing question, comforts me in gentle commiseration, constricts my being in anguished accusation. It will be too easy for me to claim your words for my own, to gather their power, their force, their beauty and focus them all at me. But the price for that pleasure is too great. My own stilted powers of communication could never be enough. They may only stain yours with their sheer inadequacy and that I cannot stand. Don't. Don't smile at me. Your smile attracts me, a helpless moth enslaved by the smouldering flame. No, that wasn't quite right. Each curve of your lips is my torch in the darkness, dazzling, bright, scorching. I'm afraid to approach, afraid to get burned, afraid that once I reach out and touch that fire with my own fingers, it will flicker and die. My touch is like a douse of cold water. It destroys. It defiles. And I know that one day, the temptation will be too great for me to resist. Each smile darts straight to my soul, pierces it with intense accuracy, and then draws back to shape its source. I want to follow it, to trace your lips first with my hand and then my own, to memorize every curve, every twist, to seal that smile in your face forever with a kiss. But that day when I fall prey to my dark craving will be the day of your ruin. My lips are a poisonous mirror. They respond only to bitterness and hatred and Don't. Don't stand close to me. Your movements are like a powerful intoxicating drug. They cloud my brain. They paralyze me. A brush of your arm against mine and I shiver in return. A strand of your hair which floats in the and lingers in the wind like a dark silky feather fascinates me, impels my hand in painful command to hold it captive and bring it up to my face to let it slide down my skin. A tilt of your head and my own follow quickly, fiercely, senses heightened and aware, fearful of that which catches your attention, relaxing only when I sense your serene acceptance. The movement of your hand hypnotizes me more than any siren song. A simple gesture from you and I flounder, suddenly uncertain, my will drawn from me with devastating strength. Your presence is my rock and my stormy sea. It fills all the empty spaces in me and at the same time it creates those gaps, those chasms which you accuse me with silent recrimination of building between us. And yet you don't seem to be aware of what you can do to me, unconscious even and that very complacency and innocence pulls me deeper and deeper into this dementia. Don't. Don't touch me. The feel of your skin in mine is my constant undoing. My only undoing. I could get so addicted easily, could see myself plunging deep into the contours of my mind and my imagination as I envision your body, your heart, your soul, all laid bare to my gaze. A touch from you and I am consumed by this longing which leaves me breathless and desiring for more. I find it harder and harder to push you away. I reach out now, grasp, linger, touch. And the gods know I could not bear this torture any longer. I want you. No, it is perhaps more elemental than that. I hunger for you. This connection between us, fragile, dark, frighteningly primal, could snap one day, could draw us in and shatter us both. And I do not think that we will survive that. Don't. Don't love me. I could get lost in that love, in that passion, and I will take you with me. It will be too easy, too dangerous for me to love you back. You know that. But then I do already. And I'm scared. Because I don't-- I can't stop. NOTES: There. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I hope that I didn't make Aoshi sound like some sort of obssessive psycho ^_^; He's not. Really ^__^ I love him. But then all those repressed emotions could really take a toll on a guy, ne? BTW, this story was inspired (more like stolen from, actually ^^;;;) by Jewel's song (forgot the title ^^;;)which my brother was on some sort of bonding with for the last few days (he keeps playing it over and over again). I liked the lyrics, thought about Aoshi and Misao (which I do all the time, after all ^_^) and wrote this story. I hope it's OK ^__^ I promise to be more original next time. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ To unsubscribe from this mailing list, or to change your subscription to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at http://www.onelist.com and select the Member Center link from the menu bar on the left.