Equal Frustration
by Komagata Yumi
Megumi awoke with a vague throbbing in her head, the muddled
pain an early warning of a headache soon to come. She rose
slowly to her feet, and for a moment stood looking wistfully at the warm
futon where she'd snuggled sound asleep minutes before. If Dr. Genzai
weren't waiting for her at the clinic, she'd willingly climb back into
bed. A few more hours of rest might stave off the pending migraine
before it started. She sighed. Headache or no, Dr. Genzai was expecting
her at the clinic. She'd just have to hope the slight pain didn't grow
to be something less manageable.
She walked to the clinic slowly, the pain in her head receding as if
brushed away by the light morning breeze. As the ache faded, the day's
outlook began to brighten . . . until the raised voices of a pair of young
girls drew her attention. The two were hanging on Sanosuke, each clasping
one of his hands as they chattered at him. The distance was too great for
her to tell what they were saying, but the piping excitement in their voices
was clear, as was the easy-going laughter in Sanosuke's reply. Pain, tinged
brightly with jealousy, returned with a vengeance as she watched him flirt
with the pretty things. Young and carefree, innocent in thought as well
as form, they were everything she wasn't. Dimwitted ninnies,
she thought, and shook her head at her own bitterness.
She'd been intrigued by Sanosuke ever since he'd helped rescue her from
Kanryu, more so when it became apparent that Kenshin was hopelessly committed
to Kaoru. Deep down, she knew that she'd flirted with Kenshin more
to annoy Kaoru, and to cover her interest in Sanosuke, than because of
any real romantic interest in the rurouni. A protective maneuver
on her part. Sanosuke had been so . . . cold, so judgmental, when
first they met. It had hurt, especially when she wanted . . . when
she wanted . . .
She sighed. It didn't matter what she wanted, he obviously didn't
feel the same. Nothing she said or did provoked the slightest warmth
from him. She traded insults with him more to get his attention,
than because of any truth in her words. Whereas the innocents across
the street needed to do little more than smile, and the attention she secretly
craved showered easily upon them. She resented them for it, feeling
the burden of her past more sharply as she watched them talk to Sanosuke.
Wincing with the renewed pain in her head, she continued on her way.
Sano watched as Megumi made her way down the street, her movements elegant
and precise as she wove easily between the passersby. His attention clearly
turned elsewhere, the two girls who'd been trying to persuade him to enter
their restaurant released his hands, moving on to the next potential customer.
Even at a distance, he could see Megumi flinch as their voices rose in
chirruping welcome, one slim hand lifting to her brow as if in pain. He
suppressed an urge to tell the girls to be quiet, knowing the reaction
to be foolish, the attention something Megumi would find unwelcome. Hell,
the Fox Lady found everything about him foolish and unwelcome.
He shadowed her as she proceeded to the clinic, some part of him wanting
to be certain she arrived safely. Chikushou . . . he was as bad as Kenshin,
worrying for no reason. But at least Jou-chan appreciated the rurouni's
attention. Megumi would be more likely to treat him to a few scathing words,
than to thank him for his concern.
Walking several meters behind the doctor, he caught the admiring looks
she frequently attracted, and let his own eyes glare a warning back: Look,
but don't touch. A more possessive part demanded they not even
look, letting his eyes harden. That darker part knew a certain satisfaction
in the whispers he overheard as he passed. "Sano's woman," they said .
. . and he wished they were right.
He watched her enter the clinic, listened to hear the doctor's words
of welcome, and then headed toward the Akabeko for breakfast. As he passed
the clinic's open doors, he allowed himself one last wistful look, hoping
to catch a final glimpse of Megumi.
Megumi glanced up from her first patient of the day to find Sanosuke
paused outside, looking in at her. Cinnamon eyes met brown, and found frustration
staring back at her. Her own longing reflected in his face. A moment
later she wondered if she'd imagined it, as he raised his hand in greeting
before continuing on his way. She blinked, and then turned her attention
once more to the little girl's skinned knee.
"Why don't you take a nap?" Dr. Genzai suggested sometime later,
having noticed that Megumi was holding her head and wincing at every loud
noise. "That was the last of the patients for now. If anyone
shows up while you're asleep, I can take care of it." Megumi hesitated,
then winced again as Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan ran by the open doors to
the clinic, laughing and shouting to one another. Of course, Dr.
Genzai noticed the small movement. "Go." He insisted firmly.
"Hai . . . arigatou, Genzai-sensei." Megumi smiled gratefully,
and then retreated to one of the clinic's inner rooms to rest for a while.
Her head had been pounding for the last few hours, wearing her down until
she could barely keep her eyes open. She slid the door closed behind
her, loosened her clothing a bit, and collapsed on the room's small cot.
She fell asleep almost instantly, her dreams filled with warm brown eyes,
and a smooth, deep voice. In sleep, Sanosuke's attention was completely
and totally hers, her subconscious replaying and expanding on the look
they'd exchanged that morning.
Dr. Genzai let her sleep through the afternoon, waking her only when
the setting sun had begun to turn the evening sky faintly pink. Finding
her headache gone, she insisted on staying late to finish the records which
had been set aside while she napped. The kindly old man agreed, after
first extracting her promise to lock up when she left.
Needing to see and speak to Megumi, even if it was under the guise of
insults, Sano was unable to stop himself from visiting the clinic that
evening. By rights, the place should've been closed when he arrived,
but he was pleasantly surprised to find Megumi alone in her office, patiently
logging the details of the day's patients.
"Oi . . . " he called from the doorway, and she looked up to see the
warm brown eyes from her dreams fixed on her.
"Sanosuke . . . what are you doing here?"
He smiled, and slid the office door closed behind him before coming
over to her desk. Seating himself on the stool beside it, he held
out his bandaged hand. "I'm here to have my hand checked, of course."
"Oh . . . of course. Well, let's see what you've done to it this
week." She took his right hand between her own, her touch gentle
but firm. Her fingers slid around and between his, unconsciously
caressing as she sought to check how the breaks were healing. "Mou
. . . Sanosuke! You need to lay off the dice and the fighting, or
this will never heal properly!" As usual, she scolded him for his
carelessness, unaware that he wasn't listening, his attention instead focused
intently on the motion of her hands. Her own attention was similarly
focused on his nearness rather than her examination. As always, words
served to both heighten and relieve the tension she felt between them.
Megumi's voice registered distantly with Sano, enough so that he grunted
noncommittally in response, but he was far more interested in the reactions
her light, teasing touch was engendering. He let his eyes travel
upwards from her hands to her mouth, watching her red lips as she talked,
a hunger to taste them growing within him. Her head was tilted so
that he couldn't see her eyes, but he remembered the look they'd exchanged
that morning. Had he only imagined the longing he'd seen then?
Megumi started when Sano's fingers suddenly tightened on hers, pulling
her gently forward until her lips were within reach of his. She looked
up in surprise, lips parting to speak . . . and he moved, his mouth capturing
hers. His tongue plunged inside possessively, exploring, tasting
. . . claiming. Megumi closed her eyes, dizzy at the sudden onslaught
of sensation. This was what she'd wanted. Whenever they
engaged in their battle of wits, this was what she'd been trying to provoke.
Shocked and frightened at the strength of her reaction -- her heartbeat
racing, her arms reaching to twine around his neck -- her reason reasserted
itself and she pushed him away, jumping to her feet.
He watched her for a moment before standing and pacing slowly toward
her. She backed away, excited by the grace of his movements, soothed
by the warmth in his eyes . . . and indefinably frightened by his determination.
Beware of what you want. The old adage whispered inanely
through her mind as she backed up against the wall. She'd wanted
his attention, his hunger . . . and now she had it. A small voice
chortled merrily that the glimpse of craving she'd caught in his eyes that
morning had been barely a taste. Scarcely a fraction of what he felt.
He leaned into her as he approached, caging her between the wall and his
body, his heat and scent filling her senses.
"Sa . . . Sanosuke . . . " she began, and then those cloth-covered fingers
brushed lightly across her mouth, stilling her.
"Shhh . . . Daijoubu. Trust me . . . I'll stop if
there's anything you don't like." Sano's words were as blunt and
straightforward as always, only his tone and the timbre of his voice softening
them so they slipped through her mind caressingly . . . winningly.
And she wanted this . . . had been wishing for this for months, practically
from the moment she met him. Should she -- could she -- reject him
now that she had what she wanted?
She closed her eyes as his touch slid down her neck, his mouth returning
to taste of her own. As he kissed her, his fingers continued down
to her waist, then around her back to her loosely tied obi. A moment
later it loosened still further, dropping to the floor. One
warm and bare, the other shielded from her skin by soft linen, his hands
returned to her collarbone. They crept slowly under her kimono, parting
the material at the neckline and drifting downward, revealing her creamy
skin as they went. When they reached her waist, he finally relinquished
her mouth, pulling back to look at her. Nervous, she waited until
she heard his hoarse whisper, "Kirei," to open her eyes. She found
his adoring brown ones watching her, his gaze warm and possessive.
She smiled then, basking in that look as his hands stroked lightly upwards
along her sides, paused briefly to cup her breasts, and then rose to push
her kimono off her shoulders.
Kimono discarded, no longer hesitant with his frankly admiring eyes
coaxing her, Megumi raised her hands to free him of his shirt.
Forced to release her while he shrugged out of the sleeves, Sano let the
linen-wrapped fingers of his right hand slide teasingly from her collarbone
to the sensitive space between her breasts, the light caress leaving little
doubt as to where he intended to pay homage next. As his arms returned
to close around her, his palms sliding across her back to her shoulder
blades, Megumi let her fingers explore lightly over the planes of his chest,
the muscles in his arms and shoulders. Scant seconds later her light
touch tightened as he dipped his head to her breasts, his lips brushing
butterfly kisses across them. She held him tighter still when he
took one aching nipple in his mouth, her fingernails pressing into his
skin as he suckled gently. His arms supported her back as she arched to
give him greater access.
"Sano . . . " she sighed, letting her fingers slide into his hair, finding
the dark, thick strands to be faintly rough. Elemental.
"Aa," he responded, shifting his attentions to the other peak, his voice
so low it was barely audible. She moaned at the craving his touch
was inducing, and felt him smile against her skin. His lips travelled
slowly up her body to capture hers again, kissing her slowly, letting her
know his hunger was a match for the one he was creating in her.
His embrace shifted around her as he eased his leg between hers, parting
them. Nimble fingers danced lightly across her stomach, then dipped
lower. She cried out when he found the sensitive, aching spot at
the apex of her thighs, electricity rippling through her in response.
Embarrassed at the needy sound of her own voice, she turned her face into
his shoulder.
"Yes," he breathed into her hair. "That's it." Whispering
encouragement and endearments he caressed her, coaxing moans and sighs
from her lips with his touch. Gradually the pleasure overcame her
embarrassment, and she turned her face to him again, willingly offering
her mouth for his kiss. His hand continued to play gently between
her legs as his tongue explored her mouth, laying claim to the satin recesses.
Megumi was drowning, eyes closed, every other sense -- sound, touch,
taste, scent -- filled with Sanosuke and the excitement he evoked.
She moaned into his mouth as he caressed her, teasing her nerve endings,
slowly forcing her body toward some unknown height. She felt him
shift against her, and for a moment his fingers withdrew, leaving her bereft
. . . wanting. She cried out in protest, her eyes flying open, her
fingers clenching on his shoulders. His low voice sounded in her
ears in response, quieting her, reassuring her.
His hands returned to her, circling her waist and lifting her easily
against him. She needed no coaxing to wrap her legs around his waist,
feeling a welcome hardness settle against the ache he had created as she
did so. Slowly, so very slowly, he began to enter her. "Sa
. . . no . . ." she whimpered, the empty, hungry feeling more than she
could bear.
"I know, Megumi. Trust me." His voice was rough, hoarse,
a reflection of his own need. She whimpered again at his words, twisting
her hips in an effort to hurry him, the motion an unwitting caress.
He gasped as pleasure rippled through him in response, unable to stop himself
from taking her completely, surging inside her.
Megumi cried out at the sudden shock of pain, and he froze instantly
at the sound, forcing his clamoring body to stillness. "Oh, Megumi
. . . " his voice was soft, regretful, filled with remorse at having hurt
her. His forehead came to rest against hers, and slowly she opened
her eyes to meet his. Their warm, brown depths reflected the same
emotions she heard in his voice, as well as concern and -- perhaps -- a
bit of masculine satisfaction. Unwillingly she found herself smiling
at that. He hadn't known. He really could be an idiot, sometimes.
A small part of her whispered that she should be insulted . . . but that
dissenting voice was drowned out by the contentment she felt at his reaction.
His embrace had tightened, his concern magnified, and he waited patiently,
though anxiously, for her to signal her readiness to continue.
"Daijoubu," she whispered, reaching to meld her mouth with his.
"It wasn't so bad. The pain is already fading." And to prove
it she moved softly against him. Unprepared for the exquisite sensations
evoked by the slight movement, she gasped into his kiss, her fingers tightening
on his shoulders.
Recognizing her reaction for what it was, Sano began to move within
her, coaxing her back toward the crest of emotion. His tender, demanding
ministrations soon had her hovering on the edge of rapture again. I'm
going to scream, she thought, biting her lip to keep from doing
just that as he forced her closer to that aching, yearning peak.
She was so close . . . so close. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her
legs tightened around his waist.
Please . . .
Sano watched her knowingly, and his fingers gently teased her lip free
from her teeth. "Go ahead," he whispered wickedly, coaxingly, rocking gently
within her to heighten the sensations, "no one will hear but me."
The solid wall of the clinic against which she rested attested to that.
Nevertheless, as the feelings overtook her a moment later, she buried her
face in his shoulder, muffling her scream in his neck. His own hoarse
shout was released into her hair as he followed her over the edge a few
seconds later.
Megumi opened heavy lids and raised her drowsy gaze to Sanosuke's face.
He had shifted the two of them to the floor, cuddling her in his lap, his
back now resting against the wall which had supported her only minutes
before. Hesitantly she scanned his face for signs of withdrawal or
rejection, and found only a faint echo of the longing she'd seen there
that morning. The frustrated hunger was gone, replaced with a banked,
languorous wanting. You're mine now, those eyes said.
In the cinnamon gaze turned to him he saw her answer: easy acceptance
and a similar possessiveness. He sighed in contentment, closing his
eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. She sank against
his chest, willing to simply rest in the warmth of his embrace. They
remained that way for some time, until a sudden thought struck her and
she began to laugh.
"Nani?" he whispered.
"I never thought I'd be grateful to have had a headache . . . but today
I am. I would have missed this, otherwise." He looked at her
questioningly, and she simply shook her head in response before relaxing
against him again. "Aishiteru, Sanosuke," she whispered softly.
His arms tightened and he responded in kind, his voice low. She smiled,
satisfied. Frustration had its place, she supposed, but this was
vastly preferable.
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