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Author's Warning:"If you haven't either seen the anime up to episode 64 or read the manga up to vol. 18, you won't get any of the jokes."
Starting Lineup for Kenshingumi:
1. Myoujin Yahiko, CA (Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu no Ougi is good for that stuff)
2. Kamiya Kaoru, 1B
3. Himura Kenshin, SS (I see him in the important defensive position, don't you?)
4. Seijuurou Hiko, CF (power hitters and tall guys in the outfield)
5. Saitou Hajime, LF
6. Sagara Sanosuke, RF
7. Makimachi Misao, 3B (Good throwing arm)
8. Sawagejou Chou, 2B (traded onto the team)
9. Shinomori Aoshi, PFor the Juppongatana:
Saizuchi, MGR (the guy commanding fuji all the time)
1. Seta Soujirou, SS (Can you say, "SPEED?")
2. Kamatari, 1B
3. Yuukyuuzan Anji, LF
4. Shishio Makoto, RF (no-brainer here)
5. Fuji, CF (Yeah...hit one over his head)
6. Senkaku, 3B
7. Satojima Houji, 2B
8. Usui, CA (he can hear the ball coming)
9. Hen'ya, P (another thrower)BOB:
Today we are bringing you live coverage of the baseball game to determine the fate of Japan--The Kenshingumi vs. The Juppongatana. This promises to be an interesting match up since the Ten Swords lost on the road last year in Kyoto. Today the Kenshingumi will lose their home team advantage as we bring this live coverage from Hell, directly under the nation of Japan.SKIP:
That's right Bob, we are LIVE and 500 miles directly downward from from Kanazawa city. It's not a good day for baseball, today the outside temperature with the windchill is 32 degrees Farenheit, but that shouldn't be much of a problem for anyone.BOB:
That's right Skip, in anime, any sort of clothing offers full protection against any weather condition. Plus, Shishio won't have to worry about his 15-minute time limit.SKIP:
That's right Bob, last year in Kyoto that disability on Shishio's part resulted in a loss for the Ten Swords last year, and they almost traded Shishio to the New Jersey Devils for revenge. But, in the off season Shishio conquered Hell League Baseball and placed himself back on the Ten Swords as the cleanup hitter.BOB:
Wait Skip, It looks like we're about to get underway as the Ten Swords take the field. On the mound for the 'Swords is the aerial bomber Hen'ya, who is known for vertical accuracy but can he place the ball with the same accuracy horizontally is the question. He seems to be doing well so far, but warmups are just about over and here comes the first batter.SKIP:
I just love it when the umpire says "Play Ball!"BOB:
Me too, Skip. Today, the official behind home plate will be Judge Mills Lane, who calls the first pitch as ball 1 to Myoujin Yahiko.SKIP:
Threw the ball right over his head there. Hen'ya is going to have to remember that this is a kid he's pitching to, and low balls are the key to hitting the strike zone. Hen'ya winds up and the pitch...swung on an missed for strike 1! The ball was high but Myoujin is used to hitting things that high due to Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu.BOB:
That's right Skip, I beleive its the Hidari Nagi technique he's using and...ooooooh, swung on and missed again for strike two.SKIP:
Yes, I see the pattern here. That was Hidari Nagi failing Yahiko again, Hen'ya is trying to make Yahiko swing at bad pitches...very common for boys his age to play baseball like that. Here's the pitch, and...STRIKE THREE! Yahiko goes down on strikes and the crowd loves it.BOB:
Stepping up to the plate now is Kamiya Kaoru. Hen'ya won't be able to try that plan with her because she has the patience to wait it out. OWWCH! What's this? She just whacked Umpire Judge Mills Lane upside the head with the bat!SKIP:
Yes Bob, I'm getting a relay message from our field camera man, is seems he asked Kaoru if she would like to "get it on." Ooooh, we won't have an umpire if someone doesn't tell her he was talking about the game.BOB:
Ha ha ha. That's a good one Skip. Well, Mills Lane has recovered enough to call the first pitch as ball 1 to Kamiya. The audience begs to differ, though, but I think the umpire may be afraid to call any strikes on Kamiya.SKIP:
He won't have to as Kamiya taps a grounder down the third base line! It's moving pretty slowly but Senkaku is closing in on--SETA SOUJIROU IS ALREADY THERE! Here's the throw and Kamiya is out at first, it's a 6-3 out.BOB:
Good call there, as you can see from the replay Kamiya almost had an infield single even with Senkaku's speed, but despite good running on Kamiya's part, Seta just got to the ball on time and made the throw to Kamatari, and he's now signaling that there are two outs.SKIP:
Uh-oh...boos from the crowd, you know what that means.BOB:
That's right, the reason for the loss last year in the series is now coming to the plate. Himura Kenshin steps up to the plate, and...what's this? He's holding the bat backwards. Wait, he reversed it again, he was only kidding.SKIP:
The local audience didn't appreciate the joke there, Bob. Still Himura drowns them out and concentrates on the ball. What a strong player he is. The pitch, and...swung on and fouled down the third base line.BOB:
Kenshin is an excellent place-hitter, but sometimes he trips over his own speed. We often see Himura go out to two strikes right away because he gets in front of the pitch.SKIP:
There he goes, pulls the next pitch foul, and Himura just got himself out to an 0-2 count. Himura is only batting .173 without runners in scoring position, despite his practice in the off-season.BOB:
That's right, but he is batting .619 with runners in scoring position, which leads the league. Saving the day is just his game, and it was wise of Hiko to place him near the top of the order.SKIP:
The pitch, and swung on and hit high in the air to Center field...the wind is really carrying that ball up, up, and...Fuji catches it at waist level for out number three. So, the Kenshingumi goes quietly here in the top of the first and after half an inning of play, it's the Kenshingumi 0, the Juppongatana yet to bat. Now here's a word from our sponsor.Punk Kid: Whaddya mean you don't think i'm cool. Look at the way I'm standing here smoking!
Other Kid: Ha! With cigarrettes like those! You remind me of my grandma!
:::Saitou Gatotsu's between the two kids, knocking the punk's cigarette box out of his hand.
Saitou: What are you smoking kid? :::lights a cigarette::: Ahou ga. If you wanna look cool...light up one of these.
Punk: Hmmm...Aku Smoku Zans?
Saitou: That's right kid. When I'm not gatotsuing my way through life, I light up with Aku Smoku Zans.BOB:
Well, we're back, and you could almost say the life is back in the audience here in Hell as Seta Soujirou steps up to the plate.SKIP:
That's right Bob, being already dead the audience will never truly be back to life, but they are cheering for the home team. All 50,000 in attendance today are actually republican school board members who hate all forms of fun, and watching this game is their punishment. They are being forced to act like lewd baseball fans for our amusement. Isn't that nice Bob?BOB:
Sure is, Skip. And here's the pitch to Seta, and he bunts it down the third base line! Misao runs to cover it and...SETA'S ALREADY ON FIRST! Unbelievable! We didn't even see him run, but there is a settling trail of smoke from home to first! Let's look at the replay!SKIP:
You can see his incredible speed here on the super-slow motion monitor. From home, Seta went halfway to first, ran into the bleachers to the hot dog vendor, bought a hot dog and a small soda, downed the soda, signed 6 autographs, and then ran back over to first. Wow, what speed Bob.BOB:
Good speed indeed! But wait! Mills Lane has called Seta OUT?! What's going on here!? We're going to turn the mic over to the umpire...MILLS LANE:
Seta! That Shukuchi business may get you far in combat, but in my game, if you run outside the baseline, YOU'RE OUT! Now git back in the dugout befo--wow...there he goes. Where did he get another hot dog from? Oh well. BATTER UP, LET'S GET IT ON!SKIP:
There you have it, the first major ruling from Umpire Mills Lane. One out, top of the first, no score, no harm done.BOB:
It was a good call though, Skip. Moving along, Kamatari steps up to the plate. He..she...umm...Kamatari takes a long look at Shinomori...wonder what sh-er...Kamatari could be thinking.SKIP:
I have no Idea, Bob, but Kamatari is in the batter's box and Aoshi delivers the pitch. Strike one, Kamatari takes it. I don't know what's going on here, that was a beautiful pitch.BOB:
Well, Kamatari is unorthodox to say the least, maybe he--er..she likes it differently. Strike two! Kamatari takes one right up the middle from Shinomori Aoshi. What could Kamatari be thinking here Skip?SKIP:
I think I have an idea now, Bob. Just watch this next delivery and...TAKES strike three! Shinomori's first strikeout of the game. I think you know what this is about now, Bob.BOB:
Yes Skip, I do. Kamatari just wanted to take it from Shinomori Aoshi.SKIP:
And take it he did Bob. Three times. I've never seen a smile like that on someone who just struck out. Stepping up now is the beginning of the heavy hitters for the 'Swords, Yuukuuzan Anji. Shinomori is planning his next move very carefully here Bob.BOB:
Yes he is, Skip. One false move could lead to a home run. Yuukyuuzan is known for his power. Here's the pitch, and...strike one to Anji. Power yes, but accuracy, maybe. Anji isn't used to hitting mobile targets.SKIP:
You may indeed be right, as Shinomori sneaks another one past Yuukyuuzan for strike two. I think he realized that a curve ball can get past someone who has recently only been practicing punching rocks and Sagara Sanosuke.BOB:
I think you've solved another puzzle there Skip, as Yuukyuuzan goes down on strikes. After one, no runs, no hits, no errors for anyone, and it's the Kenshingumi 0, the Juppongatana, 0. We'll be back after this:Man #1: AAAAAA! MY HAND! IT HURTS!
Man #2: Is it that hand again? I thought you bandaged it up yesterday?
Man #1: I did...but it just chaiffs my skin to the point where I loosen it.
Shishio: Not wise. Loosening bandages can let in uncomfortable dirt and bacteria, but tightening the bandage can scratch the wound. That's why I use Wrap-All. Wrap-All has a medicated lotion on the inside to heal cuts and smooth the skin, leaving even my skin feeling smooth and clean. Right Yumi?
:::Yumi snuggles up to Shishio and lightly moans in approval:::
Shishio: Get Wrap-All...or get hurt ^_-